»
Archives
»
Spiritual Journeys
»
Hannah's Generation
| Spiritual Journeys |
|
Hannah's Generation |
|
Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA 
|
(based on the first few chapters of 1 Samuel) Hannah's Generation Hannah why such sorrows? Tell me, what marks your distress? In your bitterness of soul you’ll say “lamenting barrenness”. And yet I’m forced to wonder does your want of child explain the groans you’re pouring out to God with such exquisite pain? Is more involved than your own gain? Is your passion for Elkanah and your eye for pleasing him the reason for your restlessness? Your goal would be no whim. For wives of honor bear ten sons posterity to keep. And yet you have no reason for suspicion, though you weep. He holds you nearest in his sleep. Are the tauntings of Penninah without sabbath through the years the cause of such a broken heart? The rivalry of peers can stir up grief, none can deny. But yours seems more profound. The cords are not the earthen kind which tend to keep you bound. You lips disclose without a sound. Can pining thoughts of children playing, laughing in the yard then running for your comforts make you pray so very hard? I know such is a blessing that no fool would dare say small. And motherhood is beautiful with dignity, and tall. She still falls short of why you call. Hannah I’m not sure you know why anguish clouds your day, or what exactly lies behind these things for which you pray. But I am sure you’ve felt somehow a burden not your own, a wider desolation that profaned God’s holy throne. And Hannah you are not alone. Hannah hush your weeping. God has heard your silent cry, which Eli didn’t understand. Belial’s sons must die. And you will bear a child whose words will never fall to Earth. Though Israel goes barren, He, a Nazarite from birth, shall not curtail Messiah’s worth. Hannah take your timbrel! God remembered you and blessed. Your tears are in his bottle and a son will bring you rest. And though the tabernacle town rejected by the LORD, will fall unto the Philistines and perish by the sword. Shiloh comes through hearts outpoured. Hannah your peculiar ways I’ve pondered in my mind. Considering your fervent pleas this precious truth I find: Your spirit unrelenting made no selfish supplication. Seeking for oneself is good but groaning for a nation is the honor of your generation. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Stephen Douglas Jones - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Stephanos, Excellent poetry writing that reflects the Bible. Like your words reflect the Bible, so I believe Hannah's spirit relects the spirit of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Notice the similarities of their individual prophetic utterances after being promised with child... (Luke 1:46-55 and 1Sam. 2:1-10). Now, I can hope that we will hold to the same fervancey, as these examples of our Christian heritage, when we pray and are given the promise of "spiritual children" in the Lord. A good peom that I enjoyed reading very much. Bob <>< |
||
|
scout Member
since 2001-06-16
Posts 175no place owns me |
that was a really great poem, i enjoyed reading it. xscoutx |
||
|
WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Bravo!! So well put to verse! Excellent job, bringing out many things to think about.  <*\\\>< |
||
Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Stephen: A wonderful job of telling Hannah's story. Very inspirational. Betty Lou Hebert |
||
|
VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
The message is wonderful, the parallel isbrought out well in your poem. The only critique would be that in two places there is forced rhythm and rhyme. One thing of which I'm so terribly often guilty. Those two tiny things tend to nick at the wonderful strength of this piece. |
||
|
Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Great interpretation, Stephen. Much to be learned from this story, I believe. All writing comes |
||
|
illusion Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 296 |
I enjoyed reading this very much! |
||
|
2dalimit Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228Mississippi coast |
An excellent piece of poetry. I commend your talented work. Melton |
||
|
Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Everyone, thanks for your replies. This is one of my favorite stories from scripture and God has been speaking to me through it lately. VAS... Please point out specifically where you think forced rhyme and meter is. I am open to ideas and criticism, and love to learn. However keep in mind that this was intended to be a very structured piece. I've always felt that forced rhyme is an instance where something is compromised in order to pull of the rhyme like grammar, syntax, meter. ... and the same for forced meter where grammar, diction, or syntax might be fumbled to preserve a certain rhythm. I honestly did not notice where such an instance might be here... but that is where you come in. What I don't catch you can help me to see. I only ask you to be specific so that your critique might be of help. And I do thank you. Stephen. |
||
|
VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
The word 'tall' in the following section doesn't seem to do any more than rhyme...help me see better if it does. >And motherhood is beautiful >with dignity, and tall. >She still falls short of why you call. In the following, I think the rhythm would be served with a contraction 'you're' unless you wish not to use contractions because of the time of the setting. >And Hannah you are not alone. I had trouble finding the 2nd instance of possible forced rhyme. I think this one may be the one I had thought was such. So since it's hard for me to find, you'd better get a 2nd opinion or keep your own.  >Seeking for oneself is good >but groaning for a nation >is the honor of your generation. It may have been because the syllable count is longer that I thought it was a forced rhyme. I'm not sure. Was it late at night, like now? I'll have to look. Now the reason I'm getting a little better spotting forced rhyme is because I have had it found so many times in my poetry. Now doing something about it...that's the ultimate challenge. |
||
|
Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Dear Stephanos. This is a wonderful story you have told. I was very interested in your rythm pattern change at the end of each verse. I would not have thought of writing that way and at first I stumbled over it. Perhaps that is what VAS saw. But it is very effective one you catch on to it. Joyce |
||
|
Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
VAS, thanks for responding. In regard to the first instance... "And motherhood is beautiful with dignity, and tall. She still falls short of why you call." I think the word tall here does accomplish more than mere rhyme. It is an additional description of motherhood which I already said was "beautiful with dignity". Since dignity gives an impression of height and honor (at least to me), I thought tall was a simple yet tasteful addition. Also the way the thought played out in these few lines is dependent on the word "tall".... notice the last line of the three "she still falls short" which brings a contrast to "tall". Those are my reasons anyway. As far as not using the contraction "you're", I was striving for a more formal tone of language I guess. (I'm not against using contractions in poetry at all). I'm actaully far more guilty of using contractions to preserve rhyme scheme when the thought is better expressed without one. Though formal and at risk of sounding "stiff" or "stuffy", I felt that it worked fine and did preserve the meter I was going for. I do realize that some of the rhymes had an awkward feel. My philosophy has always been that it's okay to a certain limit. Awkward is okay if it appears somewhat calculated and intended. When it appears accidental and because of lack of skill or poetic knowledge, it is irritating and distracting. And I concede that this poem was painfully structured as far as meter and rhyme. But it was intended. Thanks everyone for reading and commenting. Wow this was cool. It kinda felt like critical analysis for a while. LOL. |
||
|
VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
regarding the contraction...I thought so...for the contraction would seem out of place given the setting of the story, its time period, and maybe to slow the American reader up a bit is an excellent ploy to draw their attention to what's really being said which is not a reason you gave, but I think it could work that way, nonetheless enjoyed reading your in depth analysis and reasoning |
||
|
BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
Wow Stephanos ~ Outstanding poem, giving one much food for thought...Wonderful piece. Bonnie |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
