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KrZyThinker
New Member

since 2001-04-20

Posts 4

0 posted 2001-04-22 08:14 AM

The sun is rising
Morning once again comes
I wake up, wash up
I leave for skool
Sorry Lord
I forgot to pray

As I arrive
I feel alone once again
I need someone
To comfort me and hold me
Sorry my Lord
I have my friends

I walk to class
I wish I had prepared
But I look somewhere else
For all the answers
Sorry my Lord
I can do this on my own

Running home
I met a man
Begging for food, money
He did not believe
Sorry my Lord
I have no time

Now a bight light sines
I am now in your presense
What amazement! what beauty!
I put my head high, heaven here I come
"Sorry my child
You didn't live for me."

KrZyThinker
New Member

since 2001-04-20

Posts 4

1 posted 2001-04-22 08:16 AM

one of my first work writing a poem.... it is sad indeed but it challenged me in soo many ways... hope you would understand how we live our lives

Mabel A. Dilley
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 859
Seattle, WA, USA

2 posted 2001-04-22 08:45 AM

It looks good to me. I would watch my spelling, other than that I have no further suggestions.

"I am not now that which I have been."

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

3 posted 2001-04-22 01:49 PM

This is a good thoughtful poem and worth going back and correcting the errors. Be proud of your work and it will shine for you. Joyce

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

4 posted 2001-04-22 02:37 PM

Good first effort. You certainly do have potential. Welcome to the site!

Betty Lou Hebert

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

5 posted 2001-04-22 09:14 PM

Welcome!! This is wonderfully written, great message to stop people and make them think.

I love it! Hope to see more.

<*\\\><

I know not what the future holds,
but I know Who holds the future.

I don't question YOUR existance - GOD

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite

since 2000-01-10

Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA

6 posted 2001-04-23 06:12 AM

Welcome and do keep writing...this is a beautiful poem! Ellie

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

7 posted 2001-04-25 11:25 AM

Hi and welcome! This is a great start for you. It really makes one think.
Keep writing, I am looking forward to reading more from you. And remember...
HE is always here for you.

Deb

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