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Passions in Poetry

Secret Space

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littleJas
Junior Member
since 12-22-1999
Posts 39
Australia


0 posted 12-26-1999 08:13 AM       View Profile for littleJas   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littleJas

"Secret Space"

All I have is what I feel
Inside my heart , I know
Just what it is that I need
To help my self to grow  

Let me be and see the way
My life it needs to go
Underneath inside I hide
from the secrects no one knows

I get scared and feel alone
Inside my soul is crying
Nothing inside me to share
My fear is slowly dying

No help I need from my self
All my pain is my own
Along the way to a better me
to find my inner home
© Copyright 1999 Jasmine Elkwood - All Rights Reserved
desperado
Member
since 05-24-99
Posts 361
FT Hood,Tx


1 posted 12-26-1999 09:14 AM       View Profile for desperado   Email desperado   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for desperado

ok some good things and some bad here.  good things - it is a nice poem, flows well, good rhyme scheme.  bad things - lacks origionality, gives you an almost hallmark kinda feel (candy-coated, so sweet and kind it makes you ill).  other than that it was actually decent.  you seemed on the tip a few times of being unique, yet you failed to find that phrase that makes you unique.  it takes time to develope.  relax.  don't freak out.  just think about something else and post a new poem.  

 shine a light so bright that all can see
and you will find the joys that echo within me

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