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Passions in Poetry

Deathwish

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DarkMoon
New Member
since 12-25-1999
[First Post] 8


0 posted 12-25-1999 07:27 PM       View Profile for DarkMoon   Email DarkMoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DarkMoon

This is my first submission and indeed the first time anyone but one friend can see my poetry. If you like it by all means reply if you don't then please tell me why not and I'll do better next time.


Within the cavern of my chest,
My heart beats regular and strong,
No hope then of what is best,
Going to the place where I belong
I curse the healthy heart in my breast,

It is indeed a paradox,
An outlandish hope of despair,
My mind and spirit conspire to rock,
I smite myself and tear my hair,
With my desire to be in that box,

In the end I have my wish,
Granted by the suicidal sin,
All my thoughts away have washed,
In the fading of the din,
I look out around the church,

As I peer out I see a new light,
Shining before me in awesome glory,
I am filled again with the will to fight,
But as with all things in this story,
It's much too late, the box shut tight,

I sream and shout, I rant and yell,
But tis is it; it's time for hell
© Copyright 1999 Leighton - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 12-25-1999 08:24 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

A powerful piece inside the heart and mind of despair. Well done. And welcome to Passions, DarkMoon.

 Denise


Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


2 posted 12-25-1999 09:12 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Your meter isn't bad and your rhyme is great, DarkMoon. Welocome to Passion-just in time for the holidays, too! This piece is powerful and very depressing. Good job in expressing the despair.

Elizabeth

 Nail to the mast her holy flag,
Set every threadbare sail-
And give her to the god of storms,
The lightning and the gale!
-Oliver Wendell Holmes


littleJas
Junior Member
since 12-22-1999
Posts 39
Australia


3 posted 12-26-1999 08:03 AM       View Profile for littleJas   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littleJas

Very good I liked it , welcome
Beri
Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


4 posted 12-26-1999 11:45 AM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beri

Welcome to Passions DarkMoon!!!
This piece was wonderful, the pain in it is very clearly expressed.  I loved it and can't wait to see more from you!

 If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be...

lahre
New Member
since 12-19-1999
Posts 7
kuala lumpur,Malaysia


5 posted 12-27-1999 10:00 AM       View Profile for lahre   Email lahre   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for lahre

hey ! great stuff....like the way you express the feelings......
By the way ,welcome to passion  
sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


6 posted 01-01-2000 04:08 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

I like your poetry, but pray these thoughts weren't your real personal wishes, as each of God's children has great worth to Him and purpose (including you).  I'll look forward to a new moon.
John Foulstone
Member
since 01-01-2000
Posts 102
Australia


7 posted 01-02-2000 08:27 AM       View Profile for John Foulstone   Email John Foulstone   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for John Foulstone

Well expressed feelings. Excellent rhyme
structure. Metre falters on occasion to
my ear. "smite" sounds a touch archaic
in an otherwise modern verse. I hope
you have exorcised your demons. Write on!
 
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