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Passions in Poetry

Close Your Eyes, Love

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peanogrl83
Member
since 12-04-1999
Posts 203


0 posted 12-24-1999 01:28 AM       View Profile for peanogrl83   Email peanogrl83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for peanogrl83


This really stinks guys..sorry!

Close your eyes, love, go to sleep.
In dreams perhaps, you'll see me weep.
But I'll be gone when you wake,
Your stagnant soul shall I take.
I'll leave you lonely and confused,
Battered, beaten and abused
Just as you have done to me,
In sentience, not slumber, as with thee.

This my love, to me you did,
But my anguished pain I hid.
You never saw me as in your dreams,
An unfinished doll with broken seams.
I was weak, but looked strong,
Had no voice, but sung your song.
Through your looking-lens, I was free
You only saw what I let you see.

In truth you held me in your grip,
From your grasp I could not slip.
From your torture I writhed and thrashed,
My soul lay cold on concrete, smashed.
Your words would singe, would burn
I couldn't teach, you couldn't learn
I had no choice my love, I had to fall.
I could not break through your empty wall.

Close your eyes, love, go to sleep.
In dreams perhaps, you'll see me weep.
Soon dawn will bring it's spidery light
Your lids will lift and restore your sight.
I am gone now, but your nightmares remain
Your guilt is now a permament stain.
With a kiss, my love, you stole my breath,
With your love, my dear, you caused my death.


© Copyright 1999 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved
rascalx
Senior Member
since 08-25-99
Posts 604
Florence, SC, USA


1 posted 12-24-1999 01:40 AM       View Profile for rascalx   Email rascalx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit rascalx's Home Page   View IP for rascalx

peanogrl83,

     I LOVED this...your words painted a beautifully haunting and powerful image of a love gone wrong and a deep hurt left in it's wake. If this is autobiographical, I hope the person it is about "sees" what you are saying.
Blue Eyed Wanderer
Member
since 09-26-1999
Posts 84
Rhode Island, US


2 posted 12-24-1999 01:05 PM       View Profile for Blue Eyed Wanderer   Email Blue Eyed Wanderer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Blue Eyed Wanderer

This doesn't stink! I think it's great!

~Jess~
Julie
Senior Member
since 08-20-99
Posts 742
Houston, TX


3 posted 12-24-1999 01:15 PM       View Profile for Julie   Email Julie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Julie

Nothing stinks about this. Your imagery of pain is excellent. You write beautifully. No its not a pretty picture but it is real. You did a fantastic job bringing this to life for the reader. Welcome to Passions...looking forward to more...  
Beri
Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


4 posted 12-24-1999 05:28 PM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beri

First peano, I'd like to say Welcome to Passions!  Second, this does not suck, this is a wonderful poem, the imagery is amazing.  I love your use of it, and I love your poem.  It is a quite haunting reminder of some things in my own life.  I wonder if this is about you or if it is just something you wrote...either way, the poem doesnt suck, even if the actual pain expressed in it does, because yes, I'd say feelings like this certainly do hurt.  So once again Bravo!  And Merry Christmas!

 If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be...

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


5 posted 12-25-1999 09:05 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

The pain in this is screaming out. Well done.

 Denise


peanogrl83
Member
since 12-04-1999
Posts 203


6 posted 12-25-1999 11:03 PM       View Profile for peanogrl83   Email peanogrl83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for peanogrl83

Thanks for all the compliments! Unfortunately, rascalx and Beri, it is indeed autobiographical, and I highly doubt the subject of the poem will ever see the pain exhibited.  Thanks again and a Merry Christmas to all of you!
                                      Vreni
 
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