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Open Poetry #4
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Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

0 posted 1999-12-21 08:15 PM


My feet fall like rain,
On the ground,
Running nowhere,
Faster as I reach the hollow.

I feel thunder like it's pain,
And I wonder,
Am I somewhere?
And why do I feel so hollow?

And what did I do?
What did I say?
I had been waiting for a way,
To cross the water,
But it seems I washed away.

I feel my heart beat faster,
As I run faster,
I know it's weaker
Than before I came here.

Every breath gets shorter,
And I feel older,
With every footstep,
But I have no fear.

Whatever I did,
Or said,
It wasn't as cold
As this water,
It wasn't as cold

But I've been baptised by the pain,
You know it wasn't the rain,
That stopped me,
It was only my heart



 How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. -Marcus Aurelius

© Copyright 1999 Local Rebel - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
1 posted 1999-12-21 08:24 PM


My gosh, this is good... I've read it three times and I'm going back for a fourth... That's a good thing...

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
2 posted 1999-12-21 08:42 PM


Thanks so much Nan.  It is a very meaningful commment coming from a woman of letters and an educator as well.  

 How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. -Marcus Aurelius

Dolphins3
Member
since 1999-09-30
Posts 135
Wisconsin
3 posted 1999-12-21 10:05 PM


LR Welcome to Passions! Great poem. I loved the last stanza. Merry Christmas  
Iloveit
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121
NM
4 posted 1999-12-22 09:38 AM


yep Nan, I always try to get him to write more, he has a way with words....I love this, you can just feel it like if you are there with him.....and then the last stanza....wow!
starboards
Member
since 1999-10-14
Posts 467
longwood, florida
5 posted 1999-12-22 09:40 AM


yes great poem! i myself may have to go back for seconds!

Starboards

 
"I wont look back, I wont regret, though it hurts like hell someday I will forget"

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
6 posted 1999-12-22 09:44 AM


I like this. You have a way with words that is wonderfully descriptive!  

Fairy Colours
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169
Sunrise,Fl,US
7 posted 1999-12-22 10:55 AM


This is great. I love anything about water and I'm happy you wrote this.

 --A Little Fairy--

RSEvans
Senior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 1147
Tulsa, OK, USA
8 posted 1999-12-22 11:14 AM


Nice.  I especially like the part about being swept away.
Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton
9 posted 1999-12-22 05:51 PM


Nice poem and we welcome you with open arms!

 Nathan

littleJas
Junior Member
since 1999-12-22
Posts 39
Australia
10 posted 1999-12-22 07:37 PM


I really liked it alot. Its very good
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
11 posted 1999-12-22 09:56 PM


Local Rebel,
Excellent poem. Enjoyed

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2004-04-22 03:57 AM


you and me both, babe
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