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Passions in Poetry

this fear (PLEASE give me your comments!)

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destiny502
Member
since 11-23-1999
Posts 99
OH


0 posted 12-19-1999 08:35 PM       View Profile for destiny502   Email destiny502   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for destiny502


i want to be with you more than you know
but these fears in me just will not go

i dont think im ready but i want to please you
can you wait much longer? what will you do?

it scares me so much to feel like this
sometimes the lust just craves your kiss

i know i love you and dont want you to go
but if you must then go ahead and do so

i just want to feel your body close to mine
without fearing what you'll do in time

maybe im paranoid or just a plain mess
but sometimes i feel like this is a test
my love for you will never die
but i just sometimes wonder why
if you love me
you can wait
one day it will be our fate.


does this sound stupid?  i dont think its written very well, but i tried.  please give me some advice on it..any..thanks

© Copyright 1999 Heather - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 12-19-1999 08:41 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Destiny, I think this is very good! I am no critic of poetry but I know when I enjoy something. I think you have expressed  yourself well in this and I think the words flow easy! Well that's my opinion, anyway!

(and yes, if he loves you he should wait 'till you are ready...if he doesn't want to then he isn't the one for you...if this is about you of course!)

 Denise


Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


2 posted 12-20-1999 01:55 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

Destiny, this is very good. . . you have opened your heart and let the words come forth. . . that is all that you can do.

The best poetry comes straight from the heart. . . that is where these words have come from. . . keep writing my friend. . . let your heart sing. . . looking forward to more from you. ..

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


starboards
Member
since 10-14-1999
Posts 469
longwood, florida


3 posted 12-20-1999 01:57 PM       View Profile for starboards   Email starboards   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for starboards

Destiny--
  I like this poem! But you shouldn't be afraid of your feelings, they're there for a reason, remember this...nice work!

Starboards
Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


4 posted 12-20-1999 02:04 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

I think this was beautiful and very heartfelt. Nice work.

I do think that if you are having fears or second thoughts about it....then maybe you should dig deep with in your self and see what YOU want. If you are not ready, then don't do it. And if this person REALLY loves you, they will surely understand.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


5 posted 12-20-1999 07:02 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Very heartfelt
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