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Passions in Poetry

In Darkness

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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


0 posted 12-16-1999 10:08 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

In Darkness

Silence falls in darkened skies
A curtain's drawn across my sun
Where the evening shadows loom
Beneath the ever seeing moon

Faceless voices in the night
Call to me in curious rhyme
As I sit alone in wait
And wonder if this be my fate

Can you hear my bleeding heart
In frantic rhythm all its own
Is its beating now unheard
Lost beyond the spoken word

Haunted by the memories past
The future's lost among the blur
Clouded in a fog I sit
Looking, never finding yet

So speak to me here in the dark
Let your words shed welcome light
Lost, I can not find my way
Guide me from darkness to the day


(I'm still a bit unsure about this one..actually dumped it in my recycle bin the other day, then retrieved it...be as cruel with your comments as you'd like)

 "I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me , this has always been enough." ~Nicholas Sparks from The Notebook



[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 12-16-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


1 posted 12-16-1999 10:53 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Hoot,
Enjoyed the poem, liked the idea. You can work on it, I rewrite all my poems. *L*
RSEvans
Senior Member
since 10-23-1999
Posts 1187
Tulsa, OK, USA


2 posted 12-16-1999 10:59 AM       View Profile for RSEvans   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSEvans

Hoot!  I loved this one.  Although rhyme and meter may be off a bit, it makes a beautiful free-form poem.  I particularly like the line "Let your words shed welcome light".  A beckoning to all poets.  
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


3 posted 12-16-1999 12:02 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Smiles...your cruelity breaks my heart you two I ask for cruelity and you tell me you like it. Thanks Seymore and RSEvans.
Poertree
Senior Member
since 11-05-1999
Posts 1413
UK


4 posted 12-16-1999 12:03 PM       View Profile for Poertree   Email Poertree   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poertree

Ruth

You can come and dump this quality of poetry in my recycle bin anyday - just so long as you let me pull it out again and savour it ..  great

Philip
vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 10-22-1999
Posts 10748
USA


5 posted 12-16-1999 12:52 PM       View Profile for vandana   Email vandana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for vandana

I like this poem very much!!!!
Iloveit
Senior Member
since 09-02-99
Posts 1168
NM


6 posted 12-16-1999 01:11 PM       View Profile for Iloveit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Iloveit

hoot, I don't know much about meter and rhyme, but the emotions I understand and they come through loud and clear.....hugs

 remember this...nobody has an unbreakable heart


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


7 posted 12-16-1999 01:52 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I like it too, Ruth...sorry! So filled with emotion! I'm glad you retrieved it and shared it with us!  

 Denise


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


8 posted 12-16-1999 08:08 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Thanks everyone  
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


9 posted 12-16-1999 08:16 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

This makes for very nice freeverse, Ruth.
I've done that - throwing out and retrieving.
I think we all do.

K
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


10 posted 12-16-1999 09:01 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

I'll be the first cruel one and say that I didn't like it as much as all of your other work, however, I think that this could be good in freeverse.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


11 posted 12-16-1999 09:46 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Hoot -
Thank goodness Gates
named it a 'recycle bin'
and not a 'shredder'.
I'd call this poem
a Golden Retriever !

Now, for an HONEST critique ...
Ruth, I up the ante ...
glad the garbage truck didn't come.
~Marge~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


12 posted 12-16-1999 10:11 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, hoot, I give it an A in emotion but a failing grade in poetic construction. You do much better work than this. The poem is salvageable but why bother? Take the idea and begin again.

I only speak this way because I know you and I know you prefer honest opinions. I don't think I need to remind you, or anyone, how excellent of a poet I think you are.  
wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


13 posted 12-16-1999 10:56 PM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

now lissen i didnt even botter thats right botter with readin any the otter guys replies yuh i liked it yuh it stumbled a bit yuh mine stumble so much i bought a poetic walker o no i in trouble now but yuh i liked it hoot i did i did
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


14 posted 12-16-1999 11:18 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

....um.... what walt said.....

What did he say????
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


15 posted 12-17-1999 11:31 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Everyone, thank you for your comments.

Balladeer, thank you for your brutal honesty...lol, just kidding, thanks for your honest opinion. I appreciate that from you

I must admit that I am a bit dissapointed that not one person recognized there was actually a format to this one.
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


16 posted 12-17-1999 11:47 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

As I told you in the preview of this piece...I like this one much better then the first draft. The meter is still off and you stumble a bit over places. Do what you think is best with it Ruth.  
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


17 posted 12-17-1999 11:53 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Ruth, I'm not much of a poetic critic. I can only comment as to whether or not something touched a cord within me. I'm not schooled in format, rhythm and rhyme, what little I've learned, I've learned here! And you are one of the ones from whom I've learned! Again, I love this piece no matter the format, rhyme scheme or such!  

 Denise


Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


18 posted 12-17-1999 12:48 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

I thought that this was quite good. . . I've never been one to "follow the rules" of poetry. . . I write what I feel. . . I play with the form and the meter. . . it's just my way of making the poem my own. . .

Perhaps, this would make a good challenge. . . take a poem that you have not posted, put in the recycle bin, and try to make it better. . . good enough to post. . .

Any takers?

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


First__Knight
Senior Member
since 11-08-1999
Posts 688


19 posted 12-17-1999 07:59 PM       View Profile for First__Knight   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for First__Knight

I will not coment on structure or meter as I lack in both I am sure and never  have I been schooled in such....So as content goes...I can speak for your poems seem to speak volumes.  

What is darkness.....is it the lack of light....or is it the lack of a brighter light than we have already?  When you shine like you do....the brighter lights that are more than you are often hard to find and so it seems like darkness.  Shine your light bright as always and lead those that you want to find you to you.  And together your lights will shine upon that new path to the one true light    

 Share what you are for you are what you share

passing shadows
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since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


20 posted 06-02-2004 03:15 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

very touching
Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member
since 02-19-2003
Posts 618
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada


21 posted 07-04-2004 11:30 PM       View Profile for Tequilia_Sunrise   Email Tequilia_Sunrise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tequilia_Sunrise

enjoyed
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