How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #4 Archive
 FIrst attempt at better poetry.........A
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

FIrst attempt at better poetry.........Angels

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
First__Knight
Senior Member
since 11-08-1999
Posts 688


0 posted 12-13-1999 02:05 AM       View Profile for First__Knight   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for First__Knight


Angels
~First Knight~


Out of the darkness
it was easy to see,
the man who was standing
the man yet to be.

Tall in his ways,
but not in his height,
a man to be feared
just for his might.

Wanting to be more
than just a mystery,
Wanting to show them
that his heart was set free

His past now gone,
he started his flight,
no longer a man
who chose to fight.

Born of the son
and to the Father above,
his life was reborn
with his grace and with love

A angel of mercy,
brought him wings.
A voice of caring
and special things.

Gold breast plate of truth
and a white turtle dove,
Steel shield of justice
and iron fist of a glove.

His hair long and white,
with death he brings,
to demons and such
just when he sings.

Like others that rest
in a place just like this,
just follow the Father
and you will not miss

The place called heaven,
I tell you true.
You to can be saved
and be there too.

I shall pray for you
and for all of this bliss,
your father, your mother,
will all make my list.

Travel with me
to the sky so blue,
Blessed as an angel,
there're far to few.



 Share what you are for you are what you share





[This message has been edited by First__Knight (edited 12-13-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 First__Knight - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


1 posted 12-13-1999 02:07 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Very lovely, FKnight. (And what was wrong with the work before...?)

K
wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


2 posted 12-13-1999 02:11 AM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

geez sir knight this is muh first reading of you and i must say it is very pleasent and you pulled off the long lines quite well yuh i will look for yuh in the future
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


3 posted 12-13-1999 03:03 AM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

You have done a marvelous job with this verse. Might I suggest line breaks as a tool to add impact? Such as;


"Out of the darkness
it was easy to see,
the man who was standing
the man yet to be.
Tall in his ways,
but not in his height,
a man to be feared
just for his might.
Wanting to be more
than just a mystery,
Wanting to show them
that his heart was set free
His past now gone,
he started his flight,
no longer a man
who chose to fight."

That is of course just my own idea of where the line breaks would go. The formatting, while elegant can make poetry a little difficult to follow. IMHO  


 Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvilŠ
-------------------------------------------------------
"Either kill me or take me as I am,
because I'll be damned if I ever change..."

Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade
(Marquis de Sade)

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 12-13-1999 08:20 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Well done, but I'm kind of partial to one of the "not so good other ones" myself  
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


5 posted 12-13-1999 10:40 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

He will show you the light,
He will show you the way.
He will make it alright,
At the end of the day.

He sends angels to guide,
To help and to sooth.
Through this bumpy ride,
Our path he makes smooth.

He sees through our worries,
He sees to our hearts.
Give him the chance,
You'll have a new start.

First Knight...this was wonderfully done Sir. I agree with Dream Evil. Breaks would make this flow smoother. You have a kind heart and I thankyou for letting me read this.
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


6 posted 12-13-1999 10:58 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Trying to improve one's work, whether or not it needs it, is always an admirable trait. I applaud you.
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
7 posted 12-13-1999 12:53 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

This is lovely First Knight  
I enjoyed this much, as I have your prior works....

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!


Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


8 posted 12-13-1999 03:48 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

Excellent work!

And, I must echo what was said before when I ask "what was wrong with your other writings?"



 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


First__Knight
Senior Member
since 11-08-1999
Posts 688


9 posted 12-13-1999 09:26 PM       View Profile for First__Knight   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for First__Knight

I have changed the format.....and I too think it looks better now.  Thank you Dream Evil.

So beautiful.......thank you Marilyn

Thank you Svern, wayoutwalt...hehe love your accent., Pepper, Balladeer, Sven.....many thanks  

Hoot--- Well you know my thoughts....hehe

As for my other work,  I find it okay and not this to be much better....It was only that I am in attempt to make it more technical correct in the writing. But...who knows what is really correct.  Go figure..hehe   Thanks again for the imput


 Share what you are for you are what you share

Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


10 posted 12-13-1999 09:35 PM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

Beautiful poem!  


 ~*~ Hell is not a place of fire and a devil with a tail and horns. But a place of torment because the light of God is gone. To escape this, accept the blood of Jesus Christ! ~*~


First__Knight
Senior Member
since 11-08-1999
Posts 688


11 posted 12-13-1999 10:06 PM       View Profile for First__Knight   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for First__Knight

Very kind of you Echo.....Thank you

 Share what you are for you are what you share

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


12 posted 12-14-1999 12:16 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

"Tall in his ways,
but not in his height,
a man to be feared
just for his might."

Many a man wouldn't even recognise these words, thankfully, some, like you, do!

HUGS



 Yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream...


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


13 posted 12-14-1999 12:30 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very lovely, First Knight, although I saw nothing wrong with your earlier ones!  

 Denise


Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


14 posted 12-14-1999 01:25 AM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

I have to echo Denise First Knight.  This was very beautifully done.  I have also enjoyed all your other pieces as well.  
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #4 >> FIrst attempt at better poetry.........A Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors