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Passions in Poetry

My Relationship With The Waters

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JOY 14
Senior Member
since 09-22-1999
Posts 1447
Wisconsin USA


0 posted 12-10-1999 07:00 PM       View Profile for JOY 14   Email JOY 14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit JOY 14's Home Page   View IP for JOY 14



My relationship with the waters
That remind me of my life
All different but still linked
All waters, flowing, tumbling, breathing in and out.
Just like me.

My relationship with the sea
Is like with one I haven't met
For I've never seen the ocean
Even if it may be the most important yet.

My relationship with the trickling stream
Is like with one that's close to home.
Comforting, knowing that I have met it.
Knowing it will never roam

My relationship with the never ending lake
That shore to shore cannot be seen
Is like the greatest one I know
Met, but mostly thought about, only in a dream.

My relationship with the waters
Is an explanation in itself
The waters all flowing, tumbling, breathing in and out.
Are all linked together
Reminding me of my relationship with human kind
And of my own self.


(This is a poem that I think needs some work, but has a subject I definetly like.  If anyone has any suggestions for improving this poem, I'd appreciate it.  Thanks.)



 JOY

© Copyright 1999 Kristen Joy Jacobus - All Rights Reserved
Beki
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1615
Newport Beach, CA, USA


1 posted 12-10-1999 07:02 PM       View Profile for Beki   Email Beki   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beki

I too have a particular kinship with water...especially the ocean and so I really enjoyed this poem. I do agree it needs some work to smooth out the edges, and with your permission I will give it some thought and make some suggestions to you later.  
JOY 14
Senior Member
since 09-22-1999
Posts 1447
Wisconsin USA


2 posted 12-10-1999 09:51 PM       View Profile for JOY 14   Email JOY 14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JOY 14's Home Page   View IP for JOY 14

Beki, thanks.  I'd sure appreciate it.  

 JOY

SeaDragon
Junior Member
since 12-11-1999
Posts 12


3 posted 12-11-1999 01:44 AM       View Profile for SeaDragon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SeaDragon

An ocean friend!  Cummings says it's always ourselves we find at the sea.  I'm new here, but can I make a suggestion?  Don't reach so hard for the form and rhymes.  Just let the words swirl and flow--like water.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


4 posted 12-11-1999 02:23 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

This has a beautiful theme, Joy.

I'm going to have a close look at it for you.

K
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


5 posted 12-12-1999 11:28 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

I love the water also Joy
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


6 posted 12-12-1999 12:14 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Water is a great subject Joy.  I like the way you have related it to your life.  How sad to never have seen the ocean--it is so splendid.

 In the dew of little things,
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
(ee cummings)
JOY 14
Senior Member
since 09-22-1999
Posts 1447
Wisconsin USA


7 posted 12-12-1999 02:22 PM       View Profile for JOY 14   Email JOY 14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JOY 14's Home Page   View IP for JOY 14

Sea Dragon- words flow like the water... hmm.  I like that.  I'll give it a try on a revision.

Severn- yes, take a closer look please and bring me further insight into what you think.

hoot- I think a lot of people have "relationships" with the water.

Martie- Oh, I know.  I want to so much, but I live a great many miles from the ocean.  

Keep the replies flowing like the waters.  

 JOY

Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 11-15-1999
Posts 1691
Georgia, Fulton


8 posted 12-12-1999 04:20 PM       View Profile for Nate Dogg   Email Nate Dogg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nate Dogg's Home Page   View IP for Nate Dogg

Good poem. This poem is different because not much people talk about the water.
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