My Relationship With The Waters

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JOY 14
Senior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

0 posted 1999-12-10 07:00 PM

My relationship with the waters
That remind me of my life
All different but still linked
All waters, flowing, tumbling, breathing in and out.
Just like me.

My relationship with the sea
Is like with one I haven't met
For I've never seen the ocean
Even if it may be the most important yet.

My relationship with the trickling stream
Is like with one that's close to home.
Comforting, knowing that I have met it.
Knowing it will never roam

My relationship with the never ending lake
That shore to shore cannot be seen
Is like the greatest one I know
Met, but mostly thought about, only in a dream.

My relationship with the waters
Is an explanation in itself
The waters all flowing, tumbling, breathing in and out.
Are all linked together
Reminding me of my relationship with human kind
And of my own self.

(This is a poem that I think needs some work, but has a subject I definetly like. If anyone has any suggestions for improving this poem, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.)

JOY

Beki
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA

1 posted 1999-12-10 07:02 PM

I too have a particular kinship with water...especially the ocean and so I really enjoyed this poem. I do agree it needs some work to smooth out the edges, and with your permission I will give it some thought and make some suggestions to you later.

JOY 14
Senior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

2 posted 1999-12-10 09:51 PM

Beki, thanks. I'd sure appreciate it.

JOY

SeaDragon
Junior Member

since 1999-12-11

Posts 11

3 posted 1999-12-11 01:44 AM

An ocean friend! Cummings says it's always ourselves we find at the sea. I'm new here, but can I make a suggestion? Don't reach so hard for the form and rhymes. Just let the words swirl and flow--like water.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

4 posted 1999-12-11 02:23 AM

This has a beautiful theme, Joy.

I'm going to have a close look at it for you.

K

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

5 posted 1999-12-12 11:28 AM

I love the water also Joy

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

6 posted 1999-12-12 12:14 PM

Water is a great subject Joy. I like the way you have related it to your life. How sad to never have seen the ocean--it is so splendid.

In the dew of little things,
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
(ee cummings)

JOY 14
Senior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

7 posted 1999-12-12 02:22 PM

Sea Dragon- words flow like the water... hmm.  I like that.  I'll give it a try on a revision.

Severn- yes, take a closer look please and bring me further insight into what you think.

hoot- I think a lot of people have "relationships" with the water.

Martie- Oh, I know.  I want to so much, but I live a great many miles from the ocean.

Keep the replies flowing like the waters.

JOY

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

8 posted 1999-12-12 04:20 PM

Good poem. This poem is different because not much people talk about the water.

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