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Passions in Poetry

I Remember Jimmy

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Julie Jordan Scott
Member
since 09-19-99
Posts 146
Bakersfield, CA USA


0 posted 12-06-1999 11:40 PM       View Profile for Julie Jordan Scott   Email Julie Jordan Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Julie Jordan Scott's Home Page   View IP for Julie Jordan Scott

From childhood, I remember bits and pieces and senses
I remember shiny hardwood floors
And interestingly shaped rooms
And playing boy games with Jimmy
when I would have preferred dolls
Or something like that
With parents as friends, you play with the children
So that was the context of remembering Jimmy


I can hear him calling my little brother "Little Joe"
Different from me, who called him Joey
I now call my neighbors Robert and Little Robert
And I remember Jimmy

I last saw Jimmy at his sister's wedding
It was a good twelve or more years ago
I remember little except a warm wooly sweater
And thinking it was the first time
I saw my father not drink champagne
As I emptied a couple glasses myself
And I remember Jimmy


After we left the wedding I sat in the back seat
As we drove from San Diego to home
I started crying, with no explanation at all
When my husband turned and saw my silent tears it scared him
"What's wrong?" he asked, "I don't know, I don't know"
I whispered as the tears kept coming
Rolling down my face
I wonder if a small part of me knew, somehow, sensed, somehow
And I remember Jimmy


Its been seven years since I got the news
That Jimmy had died, and it had been by his own hand
I sat hunched in a chair, like a partially deflated balloon
My infant daughter had died the month before
She died in my womb, when I should have been able
To protect her--I was fully responsible for her
the only one who knew her
Since then I had often thought
"What if I just turned the car this way?" off a steep embankment
So I could once again care for my little girl
I pondered the easiest way to take care of the deed
So I could once again be close to my only child
my long awaited child
And I remembered Jimmy


My mother would call me and say, "Just hold on,
Just hold on, Julie"
As I waded through those dark days
But it wasn't until Jimmy died that I realized
My work wasn't over here yet, and I needed to stay
My life, saved by Jimmy's suicide
And I remember Jimmy



 Julie Jordan Scott is a Freelance Writer and Public Speaker,
but her favorite role is that of Mommy! Visit her website at
http://www.5passions.com
© Copyright 1999 Julie Jordan Scott - All Rights Reserved
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


1 posted 12-06-1999 11:44 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms


That's right, Julie.  Your work here isn't done.  You learned a precious lesson from Jimmy's senseless death. Life is something to be cherished!


 It matters not how strait the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--W.E. Henley


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 12-06-1999 11:51 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

A very moving piece, Julie. Excellent writing! Sad yet beautiful.

 Denise


startin_fresh
Member
since 08-13-99
Posts 139
US


3 posted 12-06-1999 11:56 PM       View Profile for startin_fresh   Email startin_fresh   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for startin_fresh

Julie:

Your words touch deep into me. I too know those dark moments. I think many people have benefited from your being in their lives. Glad you were able to pull yourself back.



 Courage is the price that life exacts
for granting peace with yourself.
--Amelia Earhart


Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 12-07-1999 12:01 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I agree. There are many emotions on display here. Very well crafted.

 To the world you might be just one person but to one person you might just be the world.

Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
5 posted 12-07-1999 11:30 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

This is an extremely moving piece Julie......touched me deeply....

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!


Julie Jordan Scott
Member
since 09-19-99
Posts 146
Bakersfield, CA USA


6 posted 12-07-1999 12:53 PM       View Profile for Julie Jordan Scott   Email Julie Jordan Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Julie Jordan Scott's Home Page   View IP for Julie Jordan Scott

Thanks for your kind words and comments.  One way to keep people alive is to write of them.  For me, I think of Jimmy as a person who saved my life.  

I still get teary thinking of it....my children owe their lives to him too then I suppose.

Thanks for giving me a place to remember him, and a time in my life that sometimes I would like to sweep under the carpet.


 I am a Life Purpose Coach who specializes in assisting
men and women to clarify their Life Purpose and then in turn
live true to their purpose. After 5 years working with the
Severely Mentally Ill in County Mental Health, I gave up the
bureaucracy (and safe, secure blanket) of this environment
to pursue my own purpose and passion.

Julie Jordan Scott will be notified of replies
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