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Passions in Poetry

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

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Blondie
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since 08-06-99
Posts 307
Ohio


0 posted 12-06-1999 01:22 PM       View Profile for Blondie   Email Blondie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Blondie

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises coming from their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she had enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, from every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."




 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34



[This message has been edited by Blondie (edited 12-06-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Melissa - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


1 posted 12-06-1999 06:22 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

LOL LOL!
Wonderful - with a great message at the end!
Nan
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Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


2 posted 12-06-1999 07:53 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

All righty then, Blondie.... A good one for sure.....
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


3 posted 12-06-1999 10:46 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Wow! This is wonderful! How ingenious! I thoroughly enjoyed this Blondie!  

 Denise


Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 12-06-1999 10:52 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

An A+ for cleverness and ingenuity, Blondie!!
Blondie
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since 08-06-99
Posts 307
Ohio


5 posted 12-07-1999 04:08 PM       View Profile for Blondie   Email Blondie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Blondie

Thanks everyone!  
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


6 posted 12-07-1999 04:15 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Applause!!! I thoroughly enjoyed this, Blondie... well done!
jbouder
Member Elite
since 09-18-99
Posts 2641
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash


7 posted 12-07-1999 04:22 PM       View Profile for jbouder   Email jbouder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jbouder

Very nice, Blondie.  But wouldn't the pigs rather be called "porkine-North Polians" (the word "pig" is so offensive!).    Good job.  A politically correct North Pole ... hehe.
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
8 posted 12-07-1999 04:27 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

I applaud you Blondie!!
This is Wonderful!!!!

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!


Blondie
Member
since 08-06-99
Posts 307
Ohio


9 posted 12-07-1999 10:21 PM       View Profile for Blondie   Email Blondie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Blondie

Thanks everyone for this positive feedback on this one.  I'm so glad everyone enjoyed it, maybe I should be more "politically" correct.  


 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Mike
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since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


10 posted 12-07-1999 10:37 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

Truly enjoyable.  
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


11 posted 12-07-1999 11:00 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Wow! LOL...
So true of the world today isn't it?
I loved it, very ingenious!

Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


12 posted 12-07-1999 11:50 PM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

Laughed right through it and was humbled by the message at the end.  Bravo!!  
Dusk Treader
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since 06-18-99
Posts 1231
St. Paul, MN


13 posted 12-08-1999 12:00 AM       View Profile for Dusk Treader   Email Dusk Treader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dusk Treader

LOL!  Hilarious poem, and great message at then end!  I loved this!

 "Human pride sings a vengeful song, inspired by the times you've been walked on" - Creed - "What If"

U K Hero
Member
since 08-08-99
Posts 271
England


14 posted 12-08-1999 05:09 AM       View Profile for U K Hero   Email U K Hero   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for U K Hero

much loved. O' blondie, dont ever be politically correct just be you.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


15 posted 12-08-1999 10:20 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

LOL, I love it
Blondie
Member
since 08-06-99
Posts 307
Ohio


16 posted 12-08-1999 02:43 PM       View Profile for Blondie   Email Blondie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Blondie

Thanks everyone once again.  I love this Christmas cheer going around Passions.     Christmas is my favorite holiday.


 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34



[This message has been edited by Blondie (edited 12-08-1999).]
 
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