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Open Poetry #4
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Balladeer
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0 posted 1999-12-04 10:21 PM


How long had I crouched in the bushes? Must have been quite long.
I felt the cramps invade my calves although my legs are strong.
My body clothed in black, I had a black cap on my head
And, from my vantage point, I had a clear view of the bed.

The evening was quite cold. I saw my breath escape my lips.
My hands were chilled right to the bone, down to my fingertips.
My vigil did not falter, though. I hid there in the gloom
With hopes that soon I'd see her figure enter in the room.

My patience was rewarded as I saw her cross the light
And though I knew I'd hidden well I crouched back in the night.
The see-through negligee she wore accented every curve.
I could have taken her right then, if I had had the nerve.

The lamp was there behind her and, with every move she made,
The beauty of her figure was quite brilliantly displayed.
Her shadows dancing on the walls made everything surreal.
Emotions I could not control were what she made me feel.

He entered then and I could feel the dark scowl on my face.
I saw his arms around her and I heard the fall of lace.
She raised her lips to his. I saw excitement in her eyes
Intense enough to strongly drive my passions to new highs.

By this time cramps ran up my legs, almost too much to bear
For this pathetic creature hiding in the bushes there
But, though I was in agony, I could not turn my head
Away from her magnificence, now lying on the bed.

I saw him lower to her, watched their bodies intertwine.
I saw his hands caress her skin and wished that they were mine.
I heard small sounds escape her lips in muted ecstacy
And wished that, somehow, they had been produced by acts from me.

Who was this man? What made him such a better man than I?
I'm not considered ugly. I've been known to catch one's eye.
If she gave me a chance, I'm sure I'd show her true delight
But she's with him while I am just a creature of the night.

Their lovemaking had ended and they held each other tight
Until he said, "I'll call you", quickly dressed, kissed her goodnight.
I heard the front door close and then I heard him drive away,
Then turned my eyes back to the bed where, peacefully, she lay.

My feelings overwhelmed me now. I could no longer hide!
I scurried to the side door and I got myself inside.
Pure fire was rushing through my veins. I hurried through the gloom
Then lowered my shoulder and, with a rush, I crashed into her room.

She screamed! She sprang up from the bed. Her eyes were open wide.
I had a cruel look on my face I didn't try to hide.
Before she had a chance to think of anything to say,
I threw the gold band on the bed, then turned and walked away.

© Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth
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1 posted 1999-12-04 10:27 PM


The whole time I was thinking, "What a pervert!" and the ending totally threw me. Once again, you have done well, Balladeer. I could see him hiding, her lover with her, and the speaker storming in. Aside from the shock, the ending just about broke my heart. Thank you for sharing your words.

E.

------------------
Nail to the mast her holy flag,
Set every threadbare sail-
And give her to the god of storms,
The lightning and the gale!
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Balladeer
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2 posted 1999-12-04 10:32 PM


And thank you, Elizabeth, for your comment. I appreciate it.
Elizabeth
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3 posted 1999-12-04 10:38 PM


Here I am again--in this forum I have found some poems that have really spoken to me, and obviously this is one. May I print it? (Please?)
Ohme
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since 1999-07-17
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Texas
4 posted 1999-12-04 10:38 PM


Tragedy in the making! And I felt the heartache at the end!
poetFemmeFatale
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since 1999-07-25
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Arkansas
5 posted 1999-12-04 10:40 PM


Oh Gee Wow Balladeer! You certainly outdid yourself with this one! Mighty powerful it was! And good for him - for throwing the ring on the bed!! I too, had the same thoughts as Elizabeth....just knew he was a scalleywag....but then oh...what an ending!! BRAVO !! BRAVO !! **clapping hard!!

------------------
- - - If I can just touch you once, then I feel I have accomplished what I am called to do....- - pFF

Elizabeth Santos
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since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
6 posted 1999-12-04 10:43 PM


The old Balladeer twist at the end! How well you weave a tale!
P.S. Meet you on Rt 183!
Liz

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 12-04-1999).]

Severn
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since 1999-07-17
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7 posted 1999-12-04 10:44 PM


MY GOODNESS Balladeer. Excellent!!!!!!!!
(Does that emphasis it enough?)
There you go again - assuming a voice.
Superb...fantastic - I've just run out of words. You built the tension well, created the voice, set the scene and achieved the heart wrenching blow.
I'm impressed.

Severn
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since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

8 posted 1999-12-04 10:46 PM


Oh - I had to add, I think this could be written as a very effective short story as well. And like Elizabeth I would really like to print it - (first page of a magazine...? *twinkle*)
Balladeer
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9 posted 1999-12-04 10:47 PM


Elizabeth....Absolutely! and with my gratitude.

Ohme...Thank you for feeling it.

Femme..It makes me SO glad you enjoyed it because you have given me a lot of enjoyment with yours lately. Thank you.

Liz....Yep, that's me...the tale-weaver.
Thank you very much. (I'll be there! Driving slow...)

Severn..Thank you. Maybe it's time to pick out a name * smile *



[This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 12-04-1999).]

WhtDove
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since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
10 posted 1999-12-04 10:57 PM


First thing I'm thinkin is a peepin tom?
Fantasic twist at the end there. Totally unexpected. But we never know what to expect from you except great writing.
And great this was....a bit unhappy at the end.

moonmoon
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since 1999-08-13
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11 posted 1999-12-04 10:57 PM



Balladeer, I am speechless..so I can't say anything....

***a standing ovation sir***

Marilyn
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since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
12 posted 1999-12-04 11:04 PM


Another amazing tale my friend. I have to ditto the responses to the ending. (I always show up late...I think they work me too hard around here...lol)
poetFemmeFatale
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since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
13 posted 1999-12-04 11:04 PM


Oh yes !! And a standing ovulation from me too.....er....um....did I say that ?? ROFL

------------------
- - - If I can just touch you once, then I feel I have accomplished what I am called to do....- - pFF

Balladeer
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14 posted 1999-12-04 11:16 PM


Thank you, dovey and moonmoon.

Marilyn....Don't work TOO hard!

Femme...yes, you did....and if anyone could do it, you could!

Kevin
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15 posted 1999-12-04 11:23 PM


*sitting quite proud*

i actually saw this coming halfway through

damn good stuff balladeer

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
16 posted 1999-12-04 11:26 PM


Balladeer -
I felt the suspense.
Intense.
Well said.
The gold ring tossed
upon the bed.
Leaving, the only thing
left to do.
I felt my heart
leave with you.




------------------
~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Balladeer
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17 posted 1999-12-04 11:34 PM


Kevin....I knew some people would. Good job.

Marge...your response is wonderful. Thank you.

sraet
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since 1999-08-04
Posts 31

18 posted 1999-12-04 11:55 PM


Wonderfully done (as ususal). I had faith that you would bring it together somehow to have a deep and stirring impression...I loved reading it.
Dawne
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since 1999-12-05
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USA
19 posted 1999-12-05 01:28 AM


wonderful!!
caroline
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20 posted 1999-12-05 02:41 PM


Brilliant, Sir...just brilliant  

 It's not the love you fear, but the fall from the height~Edwin McCain


Denise
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21 posted 1999-12-05 03:27 PM


Another one to add to your masterpiece collection! Well done! I loved the ending!

 Denise


Lost Dreamer
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since 1999-06-20
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Somewhere near the Rainbow
22 posted 1999-12-05 06:04 PM


Sir Balladeer, You never cease to amaze with your talent. This was very intense and brilliant.
RainbowGirl
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since 1999-07-31
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United Kingdom
23 posted 1999-12-05 08:12 PM


Bal: and there I was about to hit your character over the head ...LOL....Great climax!

HUSG

 Yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream...


Pepper
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since 1999-08-19
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Southern Florida
24 posted 1999-12-05 08:53 PM


I ditto Caroline ( Brilliant), and as a matter of fact, I ditto all above.....!!!
This is an excellent piece Balladeer...

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!



Lucie
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since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077
Houston
25 posted 1999-12-05 10:03 PM


I don't know what made me
take this lover to our bed.
Perhaps it was your distance
and the cruel things you have said.

The late nights you spent working
and your weekends on the course.
The way you turned your back in bed
is what led us towards divorce.

I waited and I watched you
hoping you would realize.
That our marriage was in jeopardy
you could have seen it in my eyes.

I know that there is no exuse
to step outside our vows.
But there is only so much
that a lonely heart allows.

I'm sorry that I hurt you
but you have hurt me more.
Instead of watching from the bushes
you could have looked at me .... before.

Julie
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Houston, TX
26 posted 1999-12-05 10:34 PM


Like everyone else I am speechless...totally awesome.
Severn
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since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

27 posted 1999-12-05 10:41 PM


Wow - so THAT's what you look like!
Nice dog.


PhaerieChild
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since 1999-08-30
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Aloha, Oregon
28 posted 1999-12-06 05:26 AM


And once again you astound me. Love the twist at the end.  

 If you love me like music, I'll be your song.
~Heart~ Dreamboat Annie

Shawna R. Holder
Boise, Idaho



Nan
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29 posted 1999-12-06 07:56 AM


Geesh, M&M - I knew I could count on you to put an appropriate and meaningful twist at the end.... It sure is a tough one for any one (either sex) who's been there - Nice work, Deer....
suthern
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30 posted 1999-12-06 08:15 AM


I don't think my sanity would have lasted through watching... one glimpse was more than enough... and your poem brings back some of those long ago tears. It's superb, 'Deer one... with all the new graphics, I can't access the forum from home anymore... but this was worth the wait!

Lucie: Great reply!!

[This message has been edited by suthern (edited 12-06-1999).]

Sally S.
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since 1999-06-07
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Ohio
31 posted 1999-12-06 09:12 AM


Well, I was totally caught off guard! You'd think I'd be used to your twists and turns...not this time!!  My reaction??  I jumped a bit out of my seat and said "Whoa!" That says it all, my dear.  
Iloveit
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since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121
NM
32 posted 1999-12-06 09:27 AM


yep, like suthern says, painfully beautiful...sigh
hoot_owl_rn
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since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
33 posted 1999-12-06 09:37 AM


Wow........I am in awe...wonderfully written

And Lucie...what a comeback  

Toerag
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since 1999-07-29
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Ala bam a
34 posted 1999-12-06 03:23 PM


And then after he threw the ring,
And noticed the room's decor,
He apologized quite innocently,
Cuz it was the house next store.

Though he'd often peeped into this room,
So many times before,
This certainly was the first time,
He'd run in through the door.

Now the neighbors all knew Balladeer,
He'd been peeping all 'round town,
And they'd noticed him quite often,
But knew he wasn't "sound".

So later on that evening,
While explaining to the "law"
He said he was just mistaken,
He had the address wrong.

Now these days he only peeps,
Into the cells adjoining,
Watching the other inmates,
Read their Playboys and only moaning.


suthern
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35 posted 1999-12-06 03:32 PM


And now my tears are ones of laughter! LOL. Thanks for that update, Toe! *G*
Toerag
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Ala bam a
36 posted 1999-12-06 03:40 PM


By the way....damn fine looking dog. What the hell's that other thing?....It's kinda like when Balladeer walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender said: "What in the world is that?"...The parrot said, "It's a poet....I got it over in Passions in Poetry".....they got thousands of them over there"......
Balladeer
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37 posted 1999-12-06 03:41 PM


...and I hate it when that happens, Toe, yanno?  
(Excellent comeback, you dog)


For you other SERIOUS and RESPECTABLE poets, thank you very much for your kind comments!

Toerag
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since 1999-07-29
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Ala bam a
38 posted 1999-12-06 03:49 PM


Okay...The poem was just magnificient..laddie laddie....very unpredictable ending...blah blah, thought provoking....yea, yea...great content, rhyme etc....laddie laddie....fine work...from a great poet....yea...sad too...okay....and as usual...another damn masterpiece....but who here would have expected less from you?....Geesch.....It's like typing a "form letter" with everything you write?.....I hate you yanno?....You get all this praise etc., and I get comments from you?.....LOL...Seriously though my friend...you are a genius yanno?......Have ya ever eaten eagle?
Martie
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California
39 posted 1999-12-06 04:00 PM


I just had to add my (loud clapping) to all the above.  How about a short story?--you are so good at tale-spinning.  I know you must have a few under your belt.
Alicat
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since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
40 posted 1999-12-06 04:32 PM


Yanno...I really don't know which I prefer...the well-crafted words of an inspired Balladeer, or the swift and punny repartee betwixt him and his feet..um..Toes.


Alicat the persnikitty

 As I sit here dimly thinking
Watching modem lights a-blinking
Churning out poetic hash.
Lord, in all Your piety,
Help me keep my sanity:
Please don't let the modem crash! --Alicat


Andrew Scott
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since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
41 posted 1999-12-06 05:30 PM


Sir Balladeer: Once again my friend I must bow to you and yours... I echo all the above and applaud a tale well told. I also liked Toe addition  

Side Note: My wife complains of arthritis in her right hand, brought on from the time she broke it across her boyfriends jaw when she found him in bed with someone else.  The cops say she won the fight two-to-one: her broken hand vs. his broken jaw and the other woman's arm.  She says the arthritis is worth it.  Boy do I love that woman!  Again… an excellent offering.

Elizabeth
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42 posted 2000-11-25 09:22 PM


Moving this into my library.

Elizabeth

Lisann
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since 2001-01-31
Posts 350

43 posted 2001-08-03 11:40 PM


This is an amazing piece Balladeer.  However,  I noticed that not one person really commented on the fact that this was written from a sheer  heartbreaking experience and I am so sorry You had to go through this.  I feel for you~~~~really I do.  And no,  Not all women are like this.  I am very faithful to my husband.  He is my one and only.

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