And They Wonder Why I Drink
My daddy's locked up in the joint.
My mother's on the rag.
My sister is a streetwalker
who's living from a bag.
My cousin's name is Justin Thyme,
he's locked up in the 'stute.
And so's his brother, Justin Kace
this fact he'd soon refute.
My sister, Justine Ormous,
she's a burglar in DC.
And Justin Sayne, my uncle --
he sometimes thinks he's me.
My other uncle Justin Uff,
he's hanging with a gang.
And my aunt Jest (that's Shirley U.)
just stole a blue Mustang.
Justin Denial, my big bro,
is very much my friend!
Justin the nick of Thyme, he came,
with bottles full again!
And people wonder why I drink
and drown out all my cares--
when Justin Nate, my other cousin
stole our MS shares!
That stock today could make us rich!
(Well, Bill is rich as hell!).
But Justin Kace you didn't know,
he first stole then said, "Sell!"
Within a day, that Justin Nate
sold out our second chance!
And then my uncle, Justin Trude,
refused to take a stance!
See, Justin Trude, he was a judge
elected by the state.
But he eloped and disappeared--
t'was too much on his plate.
"Our family's too dysfunctional",
my uncle Justin said.
And then he ran off with this whore
and landed Justin Bed.
They say to be Anonymous
would help my mind to think
of why I have decided that
I have to take a drink!
Well, here and now, I'm telling you
I think that they are blind!
They just don't know no families
that are the Justin kind.
They call us Justins horrible...
a screwed up, awful bunch.
And then they wonder why I drink....
I'm drinking them for lunch!
by Justin Ebriated 11/20/99
[This message has been edited by Justin Ebriated (edited 11-20-1999).]