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Passions in Poetry

And They Wonder Why I Drink

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Justin Ebriated
New Member
since 11-20-1999
Posts 6


0 posted 11-20-1999 10:43 PM       View Profile for Justin Ebriated   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Justin Ebriated

And They Wonder Why I Drink


My daddy's locked up in the joint.
My mother's on the rag.
My sister is a streetwalker
who's living from a bag.
My cousin's name is Justin Thyme,
he's locked up in the 'stute.
And so's his brother, Justin Kace
this fact he'd soon refute.

My sister, Justine Ormous,
she's a burglar in DC.
And Justin Sayne, my uncle --
he sometimes thinks he's me.
My other uncle Justin Uff,
he's hanging with a gang.
And my aunt Jest (that's Shirley U.)
just stole a blue Mustang.

Justin Denial, my big bro,
is very much my friend!
Justin the nick of Thyme, he came,
with bottles full again!
And people wonder why I drink
and drown out all my cares--
when Justin Nate, my other cousin
stole our MS shares!

That stock today could make us rich!
(Well, Bill is rich as hell!).
But Justin Kace you didn't know,
he first stole then said, "Sell!"
Within a day, that Justin Nate
sold out our second chance!
And then my uncle, Justin Trude,
refused to take a stance!

See, Justin Trude, he was a judge
elected by the state.
But he eloped and disappeared--
t'was too much on his plate.
"Our family's too dysfunctional",
my uncle Justin said.
And then he ran off with this whore
and landed Justin Bed.

They say to be Anonymous
would help my mind to think
of why I have decided that
I have to take a drink!
Well, here and now, I'm telling you
I think that they are blind!
They just don't know no families
that are the Justin kind.

They call us Justins horrible...
a screwed up, awful bunch.
And then they wonder why I drink....
I'm drinking them for lunch!

by Justin Ebriated 11/20/99

[This message has been edited by Justin Ebriated (edited 11-20-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Justin Ebriated - All Rights Reserved
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 11-20-1999 10:53 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Gosh another Justin! I am sorry to hear about your family. I would be drinkin too if they were mine!
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


2 posted 11-21-1999 04:15 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Hey Justin, this was so kewl, enjoyed the read

------------------
What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


Justine Uff
Junior Member
since 10-17-1999
Posts 31


3 posted 11-24-1999 08:01 PM       View Profile for Justine Uff   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Justine Uff

I see you're Justin Ebriated
Not Justin Thyme these days
I can no more enable you
That's gest what Shirley says

I've tried and tried to pull you out
The gutter is your home.
You'd rather carry a brown bag
That's full of Sutterholm.

You're hanging with Jack Daniels now
And Johnny Walker Red.
Imbibe all night - then in the morn
You can't get out of bed!!

You wake up in the afternoon
And have another drink..
And if those other two are gone
You put up quite a stink!

I shall not do this any more
I'm gonna play with Hoot
From this day forth you heed my word
You're locked up in the 'stute!!

This simply has been Justine Uff!!
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


4 posted 11-24-1999 08:09 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Sooooooooo Funny!

------------------
Denise

Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


5 posted 11-24-1999 08:15 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

LOLOLOL.... Dat be some funny stuff! Didn't know the Justin family was soooo BIG. I don't think the 'Stute has enough room for them all.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


6 posted 11-24-1999 08:28 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

ROFL!!
Justin Credible
Junior Member
since 10-09-1999
Posts 11


7 posted 11-25-1999 01:26 AM       View Profile for Justin Credible   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Justin Credible

This is Justin Credible
that you're talking 'bout us.
Justin Ebriated, you're a derelict!
Get back on the bus!

And Happy Thanksgiving to your side of the clan,
but frankly I'm sick of your ranting, man!
You're a derilict, Justin!
So keep your mouth shut,
or Auntie Justine will go kick your butt!

Derelict: "a destitute homeless social misfit : VAGRANT, BUM" -- American Heritage Dictionary

JC


[This message has been edited by Justin Credible (edited 11-25-1999).]
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


8 posted 11-25-1999 03:30 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

HAHAHAHA LOVE IT

------------------
What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


9 posted 11-25-1999 09:40 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

I think I know that Justin dude
We've tipped a few together
But only when we're thirsty
Or a little under the weather

Or when it gets too hot out
Or the snow is getting deep
Moderate temperatures might do it too
It helps us get to sleep

If the sun is shining brightly
Or the sky is full of clouds
It's not like we drink all the time
For crying out loud

And we're really quite selective
We drink only certain brands
Which would be in our case
What comes in a bottle or can .


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


10 posted 11-25-1999 03:38 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

ROFLMAO
Ohme
Senior Member
since 07-17-99
Posts 831
Texas


11 posted 11-25-1999 08:23 PM       View Profile for Ohme   Email Ohme   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ohme

Justin, ROFL . And I sure needed a laugh.

------------------
Yesterday is history, tomorrow just a mystery. And if today is good to me how could I ask for more?
Nurse Crachet
Member
since 09-27-1999
Posts 321
They know where I am!


12 posted 12-01-1999 07:32 PM       View Profile for Nurse Crachet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nurse Crachet

Hey Justin's your relative Justin Consistant has enrolled you all in the community circus. Sounds like it's right up your alley, maybe will get some peace and quiet for a spell around here.
Beri
Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


13 posted 12-01-1999 08:35 PM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beri

ROFL, I loved this! Made me sure think about how its good to laugh at these things every once in a while. I think I definitely must share this with a few appreciative friends! :-)
Miss Behavin'
Member
since 06-16-99
Posts 94


14 posted 12-01-1999 09:06 PM       View Profile for Miss Behavin'   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Miss Behavin'

Be Beri Beri quiet....
Don't disturb Justin Stitute...
E.Fudd
Junior Member
since 11-03-1999
Posts 40
Dolgeville, N.Y.U.S.


15 posted 12-02-1999 06:27 AM       View Profile for E.Fudd   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for E.Fudd

Hey Doc , Wooks wike you better dwag out the welome wagon again !
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


16 posted 12-02-1999 06:49 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

ROFL and 'p***sing' myself stupid!
Ain' Miss Behavin'
Junior Member
since 07-06-99
Posts 28


17 posted 12-02-1999 06:59 AM       View Profile for Ain' Miss Behavin'   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ain' Miss Behavin'

Watch yerself Severn - Behavior like that will get you locked up too!!
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


18 posted 12-02-1999 04:43 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Hmmmmmm , Beri interesting ! Let's see what's on the old clipboard .

Beri Nyce , sugar and spice
Beri Joose , to make you loose
Beri Beri , sedentary ,
Brought by mosquitoes .

I'm not sure if I know this Beri
Maybe one of those?
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


19 posted 12-02-1999 04:46 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Severn,
One of the Justin's should be able to help you with that , altough I haven't seen him around for awhile . Perhaps you've met ... Justin Continent?
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


20 posted 12-02-1999 05:00 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

I must have had one too many to have missed this... ROFLMAO!!!
Justin Toxicated
New Member
since 11-29-1999
Posts 9


21 posted 12-02-1999 07:21 PM       View Profile for Justin Toxicated   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Justin Toxicated

Hey, guys! I'm back! Been gone a while.
But here I am again.
I'm Justin Toxicated, see.
They finally let me in!
My cousin, Justin Ebriated,
wrote this little song?
I didn't know that he could type...
he's been smashed way too long.

How can he find the keyboard
and how can he find the mouse?
My cousin's Justin Idiot!
How can he type when soused?
Perhaps this song was written
by another Justin dude...
'cause Justin Ebriated, man,
don't even eat no food!

He drinks from Thyme the sun comes up
and then he drinks his lunch.
And after lunch, he tips a few
before he drinks his brunch.
And then ol' Justin Ebriated
takes a little snooze.
And when he wakes at half past five,
he sips a little booze.

At seven, he is feeling fine
but thirsty as can be.
He finds the phone that's hiding
underneath the old TV.
And then he calls me up to say,
"Jushtin, whatsh ya shay?
Come over, ship shome wine wish me
and letsh shtay out and play."

By this Thyme, I'm a little looped
and don't think I can drive.
I tell my cousin Justin
that I'd rather stay alive.
Well, Justin Ebriated thinks
he smart and bright, you see!
He tells me this, I kid you not,
"You're Jusht ash shober ash me!"

I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh
until I have to pee!
My cousin Justin Ebriated
is sober just like me!!!


hahahahahahahaha
Justin Toxicated
Beri
Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


22 posted 12-02-1999 10:40 PM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beri

Beri Nyce, yes, I am sugar and spice
Combined just right, I can be quite nice. But push me to the spicy side,
And I can give you quite a ride.
Beri Joose, to make me loose?
Hmm, I don't know if this is something I should refuse...
Heehee. Keep it up, I'm quite enjoying this... LOL.
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


23 posted 12-02-1999 10:52 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Now let me make this Beri plain
This place is really Justin Sayne

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


24 posted 12-03-1999 03:02 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Thankyou kindly Dr Moose - does your diploma in doctoring include perhaps aiding me with my small problem? Justin was unavailable unfortunately, so you must help me! Anything else would be...Justin sensitive!
Justin Ebriated will be notified of replies
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