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Passions in Poetry

Revision of Delight

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caroline
Senior Member
since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


0 posted 11-17-1999 07:37 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for caroline

Somnolent Delight, as revised by a good friend

Somnolent Delight

Night befalls a name
A scar upon my lips
I plea, to have his presence-
singe my fingertips

Eyes, closed in sleep
His, open wide
To fall, those bluing depths
I know there's truth inside

Deeper, I wander in slumber
Softer, longer to be graced
Wrapped in arms of stealthy charm
Lullaby'd by his trusting face

Kisses drop like stars'
Soft
Light
Lavishing
Somnolent delight


And then...to change the original poem's layout to a sonnet...

Somnolent Delight

Nightly falls your name
Beloved upon my lips
A plea to feel your nearness
beneath my fingertips

Eyes of mine close in sleep
to bring yours open wide
that I may fall into those depths
and know the truth inside

By deeper turn of slumber
silk caress my skin be graced
Enveloped in your arms
Lullaby'd by sweet embrace

Kisses drop like stars' soft light…
Lavishing somnolent delight

Ok are y'all sick of these re-writes yet? LOL
Cast your vote!


------------------
Time's fun when you're having flies~~Kermit the Frog


© Copyright 1999 Caroline - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


1 posted 11-17-1999 07:45 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

You're good in any form, caroline. I prefer the second.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


2 posted 11-17-1999 07:46 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

I just reread the original - still like that!
Though this is definitely great in Sonnet form. Yep - I think out of all three I like the sonnet version best. Especially the couplet, it's like a jewel of words. K
U K Hero
Member
since 08-08-99
Posts 271
England


3 posted 11-18-1999 05:07 PM       View Profile for U K Hero   Email U K Hero   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for U K Hero

The top one by far, dont listen to any others Caroline...
but I have to say all are good.
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 11-18-1999 05:44 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Beautiful poems Caroline--both of them although the first is my favorite
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
5 posted 11-19-1999 06:10 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

I like them both Caroline but the first one is my pick.... beautiful work...

------------------
A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!

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