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Passions in Poetry

The Poet's Pen (Shakespearean Sonnet?)

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Denise
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0 posted 11-14-1999 06:25 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Denise

The poet nightly sits with pen in hand
And contemplates the fleeting years of life
The hourglass has nearly drained of sand
Each grain within can tell a joy or strife
The struggle's fierce to give each one a name
To wrest some wisdom from experience
Too often phrases tend to play the same
Old tired tunes from aging instruments
Undaunted by the fierceness of this fight
The bard within refuses yet to die
The battle rages well into the night
Impassioned soul screams loud the battle-cry

Another victory is sung again
As honey flows forth from the poet's pen.

------------------
Denise

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-14-1999).]

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-14-1999).]

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-14-1999).]

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-15-1999).]

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-16-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Denise - All Rights Reserved
Ohme
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since 07-17-99
Posts 831
Texas


1 posted 11-14-1999 06:29 PM       View Profile for Ohme   Email Ohme   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ohme

Denise, it flowed so beautifully too.

------------------
Yesterday is history, tomorrow just a mystery. And if today is good to me how could I ask for more?
Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
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2 posted 11-14-1999 06:30 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

I love it Denice. You are talented.
Munda
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since 10-08-1999
Posts 3629
The Hague, The Netherlands


3 posted 11-14-1999 06:32 PM       View Profile for Munda   Email Munda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Munda's Home Page   View IP for Munda

Great work Denise ! : )
DreamEvil
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since 06-22-99
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4 posted 11-14-1999 06:38 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Indeed it is a Shakespearean sonnet, but the body should be broken into three quatrains and a final rhymed couplet. Such as,

"The poet nightly sits with pen in hand
And contemplates the granuals of life
The hourglass has nearly drained of sand
Each grain within can tell a joy or strife

The struggle's fierce to give each one a name
To wrest some wisdom from experience
Too often phrases tend to play the same
Old tired tunes from aging instruments

Undaunted by the fierceness of this fight
The bard within refuses yet to die
The battle rages well into the night
Impassioned soul screams loud the battle-cry

Another victory is sung again
As honey flows forth from the poet's pen."


Excellent content in this piece.

------------------
Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvilŠ

Denise
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5 posted 11-14-1999 06:46 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Thanks Ohme, Seymour, Munda and Dream for reading and commenting! Thanks for the correction, Dream.

------------------
Denise

Elizabeth Santos
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since 11-08-1999
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6 posted 11-14-1999 06:52 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Exquisite verses from Denise again
While jealousy is flowing from my pen
Elizabeth
Denise
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7 posted 11-14-1999 09:00 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Why, thank you, Elizabeth! You are too kind.
My writings have nothing over yours. But thank you for the lovely comment!

------------------
Denise

Systematic Decay
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since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


8 posted 11-14-1999 09:10 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

I love the last line....so beautiful!

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Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices.


doreen peri
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9 posted 11-14-1999 09:23 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Lovely, denise... good job!!
hoot_owl_rn
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since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


10 posted 11-14-1999 09:32 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Beautiful Denise, but not sure I agree with dream on that one as I like to see the sonnet as it was intended all together in compact form...that is what a sonnet is most noted for, it's compactness. To see what I mean, look at mine "To Have Never Loved"

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Alis volat propriis
(She flies with her own wings)

Denise
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11 posted 11-14-1999 09:39 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Hi, Ruth! Yes, I have looked at yours and that is the format that I originally had this in as well as the other one I wrote last night 'At Last I Call You Friend' (now on page two). From what I gathered from sneaking in on the sonnet classes the compact style seems to be the most popular!
What does Nan have to say on this, do you know? I do so want to use the correct style.
Thank you for reading and commenting Ruth, Sys and Doreen! I am most appreciative!

------------------
Denise

Master
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since 08-18-99
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12 posted 11-14-1999 10:06 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

Wow, you amaze me more and more. You have a style of a classic poet and I really do enjoy the images that you paint with words, beautiful!!!
Denise
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13 posted 11-14-1999 10:56 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Wow, thanks Master for your wonderful comment! I am flattered! You are too kind.
I am so glad that you liked this!

Ruth, I changed it back to the original format! Thanks for your help!

------------------
Denise

Balladeer
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14 posted 11-15-1999 12:21 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Yeah, but do you know the mess it makes when that honey flows on the paper?YETCCCHHH!!

The poem is wonderful, Denise. You can take the simplest act or idea and turn it into a thing of beauty. Congratulations.

btw, check on the spelling of granuals, ok?
WhtDove
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since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
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15 posted 11-15-1999 12:31 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Denise beautiful job!

Balladeer bless you! Don't sneeze on the screen ewww, what a mess. heeheh
hoot_owl_rn
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since 07-05-99
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Glen Hope, PA USA


16 posted 11-15-1999 09:22 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Very well written Denise...perhaps you should think about submitting this for publication??
Sally S.
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17 posted 11-15-1999 09:25 AM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

Wonderful work, Denise. What more could I add that the others haven't said?? I agree with them.
Sunshine
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Listening to every heart


18 posted 11-15-1999 03:46 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I can only ditto all of the above.
Denise
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19 posted 11-15-1999 08:02 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Thank you all so much for your kind comments!
I am so glad that you all liked it! It means much to me!

Balladeer- I can only imagine! (thanks for the spelling refresher!)

Hoot- Know any publishers who won't give me an ulcer in the process?!

------------------
Denise

Severn
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since 07-17-99
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20 posted 11-15-1999 08:51 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Hey Denise - great job!
This is a true sonnet indeed.
Just a couple of things I would add to the suggestion box. A Shakesperian Sonnet is usually divided into 3 quatrains and a couplet it is true - but Shakespeare and his contemporaries also conformed to the Petrachian (which I may have spelled wrong!) format sometimes (An octave and then a sestet). In either case, the format was obvious due to subject matter - the conceits or metaphors often changed slightly through the divisions, so I don't think you have to divide it up into 3 clear stanzas with the couplet standing alone - the content is sufficient in itself. Shakespeare often used punctuation to delineate the subtle shifts of his content - so you could even put a period at the end of each quatrain - and that would also avoid any confusion of trying to read it as Petrachian.
Also, I'm not sure of the second line - it seems to need one more syllable. I guess it depends on how you read 'granules'. Perhaps an adjective before it - anyway just a suggestion.
I love the imagery - and the way it follows Shakespeare's much loved theme of Time.
Congrats!!
Denise
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21 posted 11-15-1999 09:07 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Thank you Severn for your wonderful, in depth comments! I pronounce it as I had originally had it misspelled - gran-u-als. I realize that this is one of those words that can be pronounced either in two syllables or three. Perhaps for the flow I will try to come up with another word to replace it!
Thanks again for all your help! And I am so glad that you liked it!

------------------
Denise

Nan
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22 posted 11-16-1999 08:04 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Hey Denise - This is great - Just a quick comment as I run out the door (again) - The stanzas can be broken or not, as you choose - I have to agree on "granules" - For purposes of formality, as sonnets truly are - I'd adjust the meter to make the word two syllables...

The poem itself is great - Give me a sonnet any day.....LOVIN' IT.....
Pepper
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since 08-19-99
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23 posted 11-16-1999 10:51 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

Just wonderful Denise!!

------------------
A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!

Severn
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since 07-17-99
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24 posted 11-16-1999 07:52 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Hey - you're so welcome!!!!
That's what poet friends are for - hehe.
 
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