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Open Poetry #4

Song will bring us back

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

0 posted 1999-11-12 11:05 AM

I thought,
Love was the one who broke our hearts,
As years gone by,
Everyday,I pray,
For the love would bring us back,
Do you know, everytime,
I listen to our song,
It brings me back of those days,
We used to sing all the time,
We never wanted to say goodbye,
But it seems everytime we used to make,
make mistakes,
We fall apart,
Eachtime,
We used to try to come back on the right track,
But we didn't ,
Now time has come,
Maybe,The song 'll bring us back together,
Yes,maybe one day,
You'll realise that the song meant something to us,
When we were together,

Mike
Member Elite

since 1999-06-19

Posts 2462

1 posted 1999-11-12 10:04 PM

Enjoyed your poem Vandana.

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

2 posted 1999-11-13 11:13 AM

**sigh**

The IDEA of the poem is very wistful....but I think you should let this poem go a little slower....it seemed rushed....maybe add some more ".........."s and some words that are long and graceful to say, such as melancholy, wistful, descriptives such as gossamer, silken, silver, and so on.

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Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices.

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