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Passions in Poetry

Ice Queen

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Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


0 posted 11-11-1999 11:14 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Marilyn

Extend my hand in friendship,
Extend my hand in love.
Extend my hand with tenderness,
Shine like the stars above.

I let you in up to a point,
From there no one can pass.
A wall is built around my heart,
A heart made out of glass.


They tell me I am very cold,
They say it very crass.
They say no warmth can melt the ice,
I say your such an ass.

I know myself so very well,
A loss would take me down.
This tired soul can't take the heat,
Swamped with love I'd drown.

You see, I know I'd really die,
A cold and ugly death.
If I do choose so wrong again,
I'll breathe my final breath.

So if Ice Queen is what you really think,
Then do it rightly so.
Protect myself I always will,
I'll let the whole world know.

copywrite 1999 M.H.

[This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 11-11-1999).]

[This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 11-11-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Marilyn - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 11-11-1999 11:22 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Nicely done, Marilyn!

------------------
Denise

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


2 posted 11-11-1999 11:38 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Well Done, loved it!

------------------
What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


3 posted 11-12-1999 12:36 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Excellent Marilyn...And the only way you'd be an ice queen my dear friend is if you moved to the North Pole to marry a king
Hugs

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 11-12-1999).]
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


4 posted 11-12-1999 12:58 AM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

You go girl!! The only thing icy about you is the ice in your freezer hon!! I and many others know what a generous and caring soul you are. Never doubt it Maz

------------------
Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


5 posted 11-12-1999 12:58 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

You would never be an ice queen, Marilyn, not even with your Frigidaire (frigid air)...get it?..uh, frid-....this response will self-destruct in 10 seconds)
Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 06-20-99
Posts 2589
Normal, Illinois


6 posted 11-12-1999 06:41 AM       View Profile for Lost Dreamer   Email Lost Dreamer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lost Dreamer

Marilyn, With your warm, caring heart not a person near you could freeze even on the coldest of nights. Great job writing this really enjoyed the read.
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


7 posted 11-12-1999 04:15 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Denise and Dark Angel....Thankyou for your responses.

Ruth....Thankyou for your words of encouragement...but last night I was told I was unhealthy because of this wall. (Think a King will have me?..lol)

Isis my sister.....You are so very special to me. Thankyou for you kind words.

Balladeer....Thankyou for your re...*boom....ashes filter through the air and Marilyn is left with soot on her face and ashes in her hair*...."cough"

Lost Dreamer.....Thankyou for that comment. It gets pretty cold up here (and very soon...*sigh*).
Star Fairy 2
Member
since 09-06-99
Posts 260
cerritos, california, usa


8 posted 11-12-1999 05:44 PM       View Profile for Star Fairy 2   Email Star Fairy 2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Star Fairy 2

wow
beautifully put my dear

------------------
Don't Fall.. Rise in Love
-------823-------
Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member
since 11-11-1999
Posts 142
Duluth, Minnesota, USA


9 posted 11-12-1999 06:19 PM       View Profile for Kenneth Ray Taylor   Email Kenneth Ray Taylor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kenneth Ray Taylor

I'm new here, so I hope I'm not out of line. I think you've written a wonderful poem, but
I also think that the first two lines of the last stanza need work. I stumble on the meter of the first line of the last stanza, and find the second line ambiguous. These are the types of things my local writers' group would point out. I hate to be so picky, and I'm certainly no expert. I've liked so much of what I've read in here. In so many other places rhyming poetry is dismissed as something shameful. I write both rhyming and non-rhymning poems, and I like both kinds. So a appreciate a place where people are open to all kinds of poetry. You display a good mastery of words and meter.
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


10 posted 11-12-1999 09:27 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Thankyou Star Fairy

Ken...May I call you Ken? I appreciate any helpful critique's....I had trouble putting what I really meant there. Best I could do...any suggestions?

And thanks for the compliment...I am just learning about meter...lol
Mystic Essence
Junior Member
since 09-29-1999
Posts 28


11 posted 11-12-1999 09:48 PM       View Profile for Mystic Essence   Email Mystic Essence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mystic Essence

Wonderful work, I enjoyed this a lot.

------------------
My tears are but a glimpse into the fiery tempest of my soul.~ Althea Willow, 1999~
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


12 posted 11-12-1999 10:39 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Wonderful Marylin...I know what it is to have my heart walled off......it is a terrible feeling...until I lost it, now I sometimes want it back.

**sigh**

------------------
Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices.


Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member
since 11-11-1999
Posts 142
Duluth, Minnesota, USA


13 posted 11-13-1999 06:58 AM       View Profile for Kenneth Ray Taylor   Email Kenneth Ray Taylor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kenneth Ray Taylor

In re-reading your poem I have to comment on the first stanza. The first three lines create a delightful repetition. And then, just when the reader's mind thinks it knows what to expect, you add an extra syllable to the third line, borrowing it (so to speak) from the fourth line. This is good, since it allows the repetition, yet prevents monotony. In other words, it's a very well written stanza.
As for the final staza, this is the best I could do (and again, I'm no expert--just a fellow Ice King):

An "Ice Queen" you think I am?
Perhaps, but rightly so.
Protect myself I always will,
And let the whole world know!
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


14 posted 11-13-1999 07:07 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Marilyn, you chilled this one nicely.
Frost-bitten ... I wait for the thaw.



------------------
~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


15 posted 11-13-1999 06:41 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Mystic Essence....Thankyou. I am glad you enjoyed it.

Amy....I have a wall yes.It is for protection and rightly so, I have made bad choices in my life and will not repeat them.

Enjoy what you have girl. Know how special it is to find someone who will keep your heart safe.

Kenneth. I don't know about the Ice King comment...lol. You have show much warmth and understanding in your responses to me. Thankyou for your ideas.

Marge....I am probably one of the warmest people around. I wrote this because of a situation I am dealing with right now. I care but very cautiously. Freindship I can give openly, it is more I have trouble with.
 
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