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Passions in Poetry

maybe a sonnet

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jenmarie
Junior Member
since 11-09-1999
Posts 28


0 posted 11-09-1999 11:02 PM       View Profile for jenmarie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jenmarie


aka:Jennifer Marie O'Neil -
jenmarie is just easier

So now I leave to find eternal peace
Another world where my heart can be free
It's time for earth to end my tattered lease
For this is nolonger where I shall be
I've suffered many times in sheer disgrace
In isolation from all of my peers
Of hope in this heart there is not a trace
Only stained paths from all the years of tears
Where my soul flys I can not know for certain
Will I be carried by the angels wings
Or will I fall so far behind the curtain
A place where no soul has the right nor sings
If the Lord knows of I so sad and desperate
Then pray he give this soul a piece of respite

[This message has been edited by jenmarie (edited 11-10-1999).]

[This message has been edited by jenmarie (edited 11-10-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 jenmarie - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 11-09-1999 11:15 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is very nice, Jennifer!

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Denise

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 11-09-1999 11:37 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Jennifer, this is a beautiful poem, but not quite a sonnet although with very little revision it can be a very good one. I suggest you look at Nan's explanation of a sonnet and the strict format it follows in the Poetry Workshop of Passions in Poetry.
I love your subject matter and the rhyme works well, get the syllable count down and the meter and you got yourself a sonnet
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


3 posted 11-10-1999 04:37 AM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

Liked this much! Well done.

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
jenmarie
Junior Member
since 11-09-1999
Posts 28


4 posted 11-10-1999 04:11 PM       View Profile for jenmarie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jenmarie

it just didnt come up the right way the first time - i didnt even bother to check - well i think my format is right now - but i think i have a lot to work on theme wise and with imagry and all that - thanks for reading
RSEvans
Senior Member
since 10-23-1999
Posts 1187
Tulsa, OK, USA


5 posted 11-10-1999 04:15 PM       View Profile for RSEvans   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSEvans

I love the images and questions posed here although the theme is pretty dire. I certainly hope this is not in consideration of something personally.

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Once I was brilliant, now I no longer shine, but the twinkle in my eye speaks of another time.
jenmarie
Junior Member
since 11-09-1999
Posts 28


6 posted 11-10-1999 09:49 PM       View Profile for jenmarie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jenmarie

fortunatley i am not a desperate soul right now - but ofcoure was a time when i felt this way - pain is inevitable but if nothing else it is inspiring and it is never permanent -

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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


7 posted 11-11-1999 09:53 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I like the poem and the shortened name (now you have 2 alias!!! LOL)
jenmarie will be notified of replies
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