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Passions in Poetry

Decuain Me!!

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Balladeer
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0 posted 12-09-2011 07:42 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


The Decuain (pronounced deck won), is 10 line (Decastich) form created by Shelley A. Cephas, and can be used for any subject.

The convention is iambic pentameter, and there are 3 choices of rhyme schemes:

a b a bb c b c a a
a b a bb c b c b b
a b a bb c b c c c

If you want to write of a person, choose the first.
If you want to write of a thing, use the second.
If you want to write of an event, use the third.

Iambic pentameter...a beautiful thing!
Alison
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1 posted 12-11-2011 11:40 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Whoo boy.  Okay.



A
Dr.Moose1
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2 posted 12-12-2011 09:13 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

          The Aspects of Light

A quality of light affects the dawn
much changed from that which evening brings to view
Unknown , the day stretched out before you yawns
as yet without a glimmer of a clue
what these few hours swift passing might still do
Come evening will the setting sun reflect
perhaps on some small kindness you've seen through
affecting coming evenings' lights aspects
to shift from those predominantly blue
into the spectrums' warmer shades and hues?
Balladeer
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3 posted 12-12-2011 07:24 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

You disappoint me, Doc. I can normally find some rule you have ignored or violated, some sentence where the meter breaks down or some inane way you have made a mess of the assignment.....and here you go and to everything perfect! What kind of pleasure can I find in that?????

Exquisite verse, moose, with not a word or accent out of place. Very well done
Dr.Moose1
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4 posted 12-12-2011 08:24 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Thank you, you are much too kind. Could it be I have turned over a new leaf and returned to the role of attentive student?
I do believe anything is possible. Throw 'em at me and I'll have at 'em, lol. You truly do inspire. Without, this would not have been written, and truly, the world would have been less for it, lol, or at least in my opinion.
Doc
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5 posted 12-13-2011 12:19 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

The world would definitely have been less for it...agreed
Alison
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6 posted 12-20-2011 01:19 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

working on it.

Alison
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7 posted 12-21-2011 03:40 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
As hierarchies stand out in the crowd
Each raven struts to its place, preening proud
Magical songs weave a nocturnal trance
Become offerings to somnolent clouds
Then silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons ebony night-time shroud
Finally peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (12-21-2011 10:51 AM).]

Alison
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8 posted 12-21-2011 04:00 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

PS:  Doc, I love yours.

Dr.Moose1
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9 posted 12-22-2011 08:00 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,
Thank you, here's wishing you and yours a happy holiday season. You had me right up until lines six and seven, eight is fine,  and nine and ten where again your meter falters."Magical" starts the line off on the wrong foot as does "Become"."ebony" has the accent on the wrong syllable."Finally" has the accent on the first syllable also. All that nit picking aside your excellent use of imagery will craft a fine poem with a little tweaking. Be well.
Doc

Balladeer,
Hope you don't mind my jumping in here, and, a very fine holiday season to you too.
Doc
Alison
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10 posted 12-22-2011 11:03 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thank you much, Mr. Moose.  I knew things were off, but I am poetically deaf that way.  Merry Christmas, my friend!

A
Alison
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11 posted 12-22-2011 12:52 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts face-to-face, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to somnolent clouds
While silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison
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12 posted 12-23-2011 12:06 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


Alison, it is a beautiful poem. Your word usage is spectacular, as are the pictures you paint. This is an excellent piece of work!

BUT...........
One line loses the meter.

each RAV-en (STRUTS FACE) to( FACE, PREEN)-ing PROUD

Fix that line and you are home free.

Alison
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13 posted 12-23-2011 12:20 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts with head high, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to somnolent clouds
While silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison


Is that better?  Thank you lots, Doc and Deer.
Alison
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14 posted 12-25-2011 01:57 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts head held high, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to somnolent clouds
While silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison


Didn't like the last change.
Balladeer
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15 posted 12-25-2011 10:48 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

7th line, meter off....one syllable short. Merry Christmas!!!
Alison
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16 posted 12-26-2011 01:26 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts, head held high, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to thick somnolent clouds
When silence drops on each bird-covered branch
The daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (12-26-2011 04:32 PM).]

Balladeer
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17 posted 12-26-2011 07:02 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

....and THAT is Alison...never stops and never gives up until she has it right.
Alison
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18 posted 12-26-2011 09:13 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

You know, Michael, sometimes I feel like the slow learner here, but you make it all worth while for me.  

A few weeks ago, I was leaving the post office after work and heard all these danged birds making a huge amount of noise.  Kind of freaked me out .. too much like the Birds.  The next night, I heard them again and saw all these ravens flying in for the night.  I had never seen or heard them before.  It was really cool to watch.  A few nights later, I drove by a huge open-sided shed.  Ravens were all over it.  On the roof, black against the white snow.  In the rafters.  On the trees beside it.

I tried to capture that in this poem - and intend to go back soon to video them.  It's really a wonderful sound and sight.

Thank you again.

xoxoxo
Alison
Amberzlynnc
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19 posted 06-19-2012 08:25 PM       View Profile for Amberzlynnc   Email Amberzlynnc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Amberzlynnc's Home Page   View IP for Amberzlynnc

Here you go!

Sunset


The purple, pinkish, orange, golden sky
presents itself most boldly in the west.
The colors wrap around a fiery eye
that stares at me- directly at my chest;
they burn a hole and settle ‘neath my breast.
The breeze is cool as sunbeams grow too weak
to tan the skin on shoulders left undressed.

The eye sinks slowly as the seagulls shriek.
The purple, pink, and orange kiss my cheek.
Oh, what a lovely, breathtaking technique.

*Amber

Balladeer
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20 posted 06-20-2012 12:26 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

There you go, indeed!  

Absolute perfection! Well done!
Alison
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21 posted 07-09-2012 12:48 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Very lovely.  I read this when you posted it - and had to come back to tell you how much I enjoyed it.

A
Dr.Moose1
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22 posted 07-12-2012 07:36 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

ken206573
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23 posted 11-27-2012 11:04 AM       View Profile for ken206573   Email ken206573   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ken206573

I hope this flows well

Festival of Shadows
The raging  winds settle into the night
As the rainstorm slowly begins to fall
In a instance the clouds are out of sight
While dark shadows silently climb the wall
Playing and dancing in the music hall
Merry are they, drunk with laughter and joy
Soon it shall end by the clocks final call
There fun discarded like a broken toy
When the sun creeps in, the shadows grow small
Vanishing with sorrow behind the stall
Balladeer
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24 posted 11-28-2012 12:00 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

hi, Ken. Thanks for tackling this one. The poem is good, the rhyme scheme is good, the pentameter is good.....but it is not iambic and doesn't flow.

You will need to work on the da-DUM's and restructure it. Let's see what you can do....
 
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