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Passions in Poetry

Decuain Me!!

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ken206573
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since 10-14-2008
Posts 475


25 posted 11-28-2012 02:33 PM       View Profile for ken206573   Email ken206573   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ken206573

I hope this one works, I will try to redo the other one.
Winter Fairies
One day I played in snow so deep
lingering in passion of it's gentle glow.
Snow fairies sprung forth out of sleep
Singing, dancing with deers and doe.
Graceful, fair, what a show
Clapping my hands at their merry play
dazzled by their elegant flow.
Wishing that they would stay
Their pace begins to slow
Returning back to the snow
Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


26 posted 11-28-2012 08:47 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Better forget this one, Ken. It's not iambic and lost the pentameter of 10 syllables per line. Let's try to work on the first one....
Balladeer
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27 posted 11-28-2012 09:32 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ken, Iambic is an unaccented syllable follow by an accented one. If two unaccented syllables follow each other, or if two accented syllables do the same, the iambic is broken. For example...

the RAG-ing (WINDS SET)-(tle in)-TO the NIGHT
(as the) RAIN-storm SLOW-(ly be)-GINS to FALL

Also, you have sentences beginning with accented syllables. That automatically kills iambic from the beginning. I've rewritten the poem to make it completely iambic. It could be better but it will show you examples of what steps to take to write in iambic, ok?


The raging winds all settle into night
As rainstorm clouds above begin to fall
In seconds all dark clouds are out of sight
While shadows dark climb silently the wall
They play and dance there in the music hall
They're merry, drunk with laughter and with joy
Soon it shall end as clocks mark final call
Their fun discarded like a broken toy
As sun creeps in, the  shadows then grow small
And vanish silently behind the stall.
ken206573
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since 10-14-2008
Posts 475


28 posted 11-29-2012 07:22 AM       View Profile for ken206573   Email ken206573   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ken206573

I haven't done iambic for sooo long, I have forgotten the rythme of it. I will try to redo both thanks for the advice and example.
 
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