navwin » Main Forums » Poetry Workshop » Decuain Me!!
Poetry Workshop
Post A Reply Post New Topic Decuain Me!! Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2011-12-09 07:42 PM



The Decuain (pronounced deck won), is 10 line (Decastich) form created by Shelley A. Cephas, and can be used for any subject.

The convention is iambic pentameter, and there are 3 choices of rhyme schemes:

a b a bb c b c a a
a b a bb c b c b b
a b a bb c b c c c

If you want to write of a person, choose the first.
If you want to write of a thing, use the second.
If you want to write of an event, use the third.

Iambic pentameter...a beautiful thing!

© Copyright 2011 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
1 posted 2011-12-11 11:40 PM


Whoo boy.  Okay.



A

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
2 posted 2011-12-12 09:13 AM


          The Aspects of Light

A quality of light affects the dawn
much changed from that which evening brings to view
Unknown , the day stretched out before you yawns
as yet without a glimmer of a clue
what these few hours swift passing might still do
Come evening will the setting sun reflect
perhaps on some small kindness you've seen through
affecting coming evenings' lights aspects
to shift from those predominantly blue
into the spectrums' warmer shades and hues?

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
3 posted 2011-12-12 07:24 PM


You disappoint me, Doc. I can normally find some rule you have ignored or violated, some sentence where the meter breaks down or some inane way you have made a mess of the assignment.....and here you go and to everything perfect! What kind of pleasure can I find in that?????

Exquisite verse, moose, with not a word or accent out of place. Very well done

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
4 posted 2011-12-12 08:24 PM


Balladeer,
Thank you, you are much too kind. Could it be I have turned over a new leaf and returned to the role of attentive student?
I do believe anything is possible. Throw 'em at me and I'll have at 'em, lol. You truly do inspire. Without, this would not have been written, and truly, the world would have been less for it, lol, or at least in my opinion.
Doc

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
5 posted 2011-12-13 12:19 PM


The world would definitely have been less for it...agreed
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
6 posted 2011-12-20 01:19 AM


working on it.


Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
7 posted 2011-12-21 03:40 AM


Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
As hierarchies stand out in the crowd
Each raven struts to its place, preening proud
Magical songs weave a nocturnal trance
Become offerings to somnolent clouds
Then silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons ebony night-time shroud
Finally peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (12-21-2011 10:51 AM).]

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
8 posted 2011-12-21 04:00 AM


PS:  Doc, I love yours.


Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
9 posted 2011-12-22 08:00 AM


Alison,
Thank you, here's wishing you and yours a happy holiday season. You had me right up until lines six and seven, eight is fine,  and nine and ten where again your meter falters."Magical" starts the line off on the wrong foot as does "Become"."ebony" has the accent on the wrong syllable."Finally" has the accent on the first syllable also. All that nit picking aside your excellent use of imagery will craft a fine poem with a little tweaking. Be well.
Doc

Balladeer,
Hope you don't mind my jumping in here, and, a very fine holiday season to you too.
Doc

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
10 posted 2011-12-22 11:03 AM


Thank you much, Mr. Moose.  I knew things were off, but I am poetically deaf that way.  Merry Christmas, my friend!

A

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
11 posted 2011-12-22 12:52 PM


Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts face-to-face, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to somnolent clouds
While silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
12 posted 2011-12-23 12:06 PM



Alison, it is a beautiful poem. Your word usage is spectacular, as are the pictures you paint. This is an excellent piece of work!

BUT...........
One line loses the meter.

each RAV-en (STRUTS FACE) to( FACE, PREEN)-ing PROUD

Fix that line and you are home free.


Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
13 posted 2011-12-23 12:20 PM


Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts with head high, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to somnolent clouds
While silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison


Is that better?  Thank you lots, Doc and Deer.

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
14 posted 2011-12-25 01:57 AM


Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts head held high, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to somnolent clouds
While silence drops on each bird-covered branch
And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison


Didn't like the last change.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
15 posted 2011-12-25 10:48 AM


7th line, meter off....one syllable short. Merry Christmas!!!
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
16 posted 2011-12-26 01:26 AM


Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts, head held high, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to thick somnolent clouds
When silence drops on each bird-covered branch
The daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (12-26-2011 04:32 PM).]

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
17 posted 2011-12-26 07:02 PM


....and THAT is Alison...never stops and never gives up until she has it right.
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
18 posted 2011-12-26 09:13 PM


You know, Michael, sometimes I feel like the slow learner here, but you make it all worth while for me.  

A few weeks ago, I was leaving the post office after work and heard all these danged birds making a huge amount of noise.  Kind of freaked me out .. too much like the Birds.  The next night, I heard them again and saw all these ravens flying in for the night.  I had never seen or heard them before.  It was really cool to watch.  A few nights later, I drove by a huge open-sided shed.  Ravens were all over it.  On the roof, black against the white snow.  In the rafters.  On the trees beside it.

I tried to capture that in this poem - and intend to go back soon to video them.  It's really a wonderful sound and sight.

Thank you again.

xoxoxo
Alison

Amberzlynnc
Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229
New Jersey
19 posted 2012-06-19 08:25 PM


Here you go!

Sunset


The purple, pinkish, orange, golden sky
presents itself most boldly in the west.
The colors wrap around a fiery eye
that stares at me- directly at my chest;
they burn a hole and settle ‘neath my breast.
The breeze is cool as sunbeams grow too weak
to tan the skin on shoulders left undressed.

The eye sinks slowly as the seagulls shriek.
The purple, pink, and orange kiss my cheek.
Oh, what a lovely, breathtaking technique.

*Amber

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
20 posted 2012-06-20 12:26 PM


There you go, indeed!  

Absolute perfection! Well done!

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
21 posted 2012-07-09 12:48 PM


Very lovely.  I read this when you posted it - and had to come back to tell you how much I enjoyed it.

A

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
22 posted 2012-07-12 07:36 AM



ken206573
Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487

23 posted 2012-11-27 11:04 AM


I hope this flows well

Festival of Shadows
The raging  winds settle into the night
As the rainstorm slowly begins to fall
In a instance the clouds are out of sight
While dark shadows silently climb the wall
Playing and dancing in the music hall
Merry are they, drunk with laughter and joy
Soon it shall end by the clocks final call
There fun discarded like a broken toy
When the sun creeps in, the shadows grow small
Vanishing with sorrow behind the stall

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
24 posted 2012-11-28 12:00 PM


hi, Ken. Thanks for tackling this one. The poem is good, the rhyme scheme is good, the pentameter is good.....but it is not iambic and doesn't flow.

You will need to work on the da-DUM's and restructure it. Let's see what you can do....

ken206573
Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487

25 posted 2012-11-28 02:33 PM


I hope this one works, I will try to redo the other one.
Winter Fairies
One day I played in snow so deep
lingering in passion of it's gentle glow.
Snow fairies sprung forth out of sleep
Singing, dancing with deers and doe.
Graceful, fair, what a show
Clapping my hands at their merry play
dazzled by their elegant flow.
Wishing that they would stay
Their pace begins to slow
Returning back to the snow

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
26 posted 2012-11-28 08:47 PM


Better forget this one, Ken. It's not iambic and lost the pentameter of 10 syllables per line. Let's try to work on the first one....
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
27 posted 2012-11-28 09:32 PM


Ken, Iambic is an unaccented syllable follow by an accented one. If two unaccented syllables follow each other, or if two accented syllables do the same, the iambic is broken. For example...

the RAG-ing (WINDS SET)-(tle in)-TO the NIGHT
(as the) RAIN-storm SLOW-(ly be)-GINS to FALL

Also, you have sentences beginning with accented syllables. That automatically kills iambic from the beginning. I've rewritten the poem to make it completely iambic. It could be better but it will show you examples of what steps to take to write in iambic, ok?


The raging winds all settle into night
As rainstorm clouds above begin to fall
In seconds all dark clouds are out of sight
While shadows dark climb silently the wall
They play and dance there in the music hall
They're merry, drunk with laughter and with joy
Soon it shall end as clocks mark final call
Their fun discarded like a broken toy
As sun creeps in, the  shadows then grow small
And vanish silently behind the stall.

ken206573
Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487

28 posted 2012-11-29 07:22 AM


I haven't done iambic for sooo long, I have forgotten the rythme of it. I will try to redo both thanks for the advice and example.
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Poetry Workshop » Decuain Me!!

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary