How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Poetry Workshop
 Pass The Envelope , Please.   [ Page: 1  2  ]
 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Nan, Balladeer   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Pass The Envelope (couplet), Please.

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
N_i_C_o_L_E
Junior Member
since 05-01-2008
Posts 11
North Carolina


25 posted 02-04-2014 08:02 PM       View Profile for N_i_C_o_L_E   Email N_i_C_o_L_E   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for N_i_C_o_L_E

Haven't written a single line in years, so why not give it a whirl...

Why has your embrace disappeared
With its absence I'm filled with fear
The warmth of your touch quickly fled
My heart seems lifeless, almost dead
Waiting, praying, hoping for you dear
Why has your embrace disappeared
Bluesy Socrateaser
Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 389
In The Mirror


26 posted 02-21-2014 08:42 PM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Sounded like fun, so here's my contribution:

I sang of sixpence as a child
    The song made all the girls go wild
Just one standard was all it took
    No great need for a music book
When I wanted the girls to smile
    I sang of sixpence as a child


...just bein' Bluesy

[This message has been edited by Bluesy Socrateaser (02-22-2014 10:11 AM).]

Bluesy Socrateaser
Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 389
In The Mirror


27 posted 02-22-2014 07:43 AM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Double post edit by Bluesy

[This message has been edited by Bluesy Socrateaser (02-22-2014 10:03 AM).]

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26380
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


28 posted 02-23-2014 02:28 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

It's great to see someone posting here and working on assignments again. I think you both for the effort. You both followed the construction of the lines and rhymes in an acceptable manner....BUT you must also use good meter to make the poem flow. If you are not familiar with poetic meter, you can find it discusses in this forum in earlier lessons.

Nichole, I'm not sure what meter you chose but try this..
"My heart seems lifeless, almost dead"
That line is perfect! Take note of where the accented syllables are and duplicate that meter in the other lines and you will have an excellent poem!


Bluesy....you are very close. You used the iambic which was perfect for all but two lines. Change those lines to fit the others and you have a real winner here! I'l show you the changes that I would make and perhaps you will see what I mean..


I sang of sixpence as a child
The song made all the girls go wild
One standard tune was all it took
No great need for a music book
To please the girls and make them smile
I sang of sixpence as a child


Thank you both for coming by!
Boomer Styles
Member
since 03-02-2014
Posts 63
Deep Six South


29 posted 03-10-2014 04:35 AM       View Profile for Boomer Styles   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Boomer Styles

Stepped on a riser while playing the crowd
I asked them if they liked it loud
They all said "Boomer, you bend those strings
Bend them 'til the fat lady sings"
So I scratched my Strat and played it loud
Stepped on a riser while playing the crowd


This may be 'bending' it a little. I'm blaming it on DST which occurred tonight. So help me out when you can.

Thanks!




One ladle serves the soup that feeds the mouths of the many. Is there one in your hand?
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26380
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


30 posted 03-10-2014 05:53 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Nice, Boomer! I can hear this being recited. It's interesting that you used several different styles here. You have iambic lines, trochaic lines, anapestic ones...the whole bit. The good thing is you follow the meter through the whole line with all of them...two exceptions...the extra word "you", unnecessary, in the third line and the "fat lady" in the next. The "you" can simply be knocked out but you want to use that phrase, and it's a good one, so it stays. As I said, reciting it out out would make it perfect. Some poems are like that.

Yes, DST has shot down many men...but it's better than STD!
Boomer Styles
Member
since 03-02-2014
Posts 63
Deep Six South


31 posted 03-12-2014 01:20 AM       View Profile for Boomer Styles   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Boomer Styles

Thanks for checking out my offering Balladeer!

(Gotcha on the 'DST' inversion and you couldn't be more right! I'd sooner wake an hour earlier than wake up two hours earlier yanking pipes out of the wall!)

One ladle serves the soup that feeds the mouths of the many. Is there one in your hand?

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 02-28-2008
Posts 1587
Oklahoma USA


32 posted 04-03-2014 09:44 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Well, I see I have been missing out on some poetry classes.
Lighthousebob
Member Elite
since 06-14-2000
Posts 4795
California


33 posted 04-15-2014 11:39 AM       View Profile for Lighthousebob   Email Lighthousebob   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Lighthousebob's Home Page   View IP for Lighthousebob

Here's one I posted awhile back...Don't think any made the connection (my fault). So, anyways, here it is here on the challenge that originated the poem.  Thank you, -Bob


Painted Ladies of San Francisco Envelope Couplets


Amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls
that make a narrow path and boundless curl
with ornamental flavor and with frills
about the open bosom, so the hills
extended once toward heaven have been hurled
amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls.


Amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls,
Saint Francis now adorned for all the world
sits leisurely excluded on the bay
with cable cars and Castro District gays
who once were boys but now have changed to girls
amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls.


Amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls,
the fog supports Embarcadero swirls
of visionary suits who've come to be
the melting pot of all society
wherein does modern industries unfurl
amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls.


Amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls,
a homeless watches Golden Gate Park squirrels
just down the street from Haight-Ashbury flops
where ĎHeaven's not so far away' is plopped
and psychedelic wheels of love will whirl
amongst the Painted Ladies dressed like pearls.


Painted Ladies = Victorian style homes http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum113/HTML/003105.html  http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum113/HTML/003112.html  
AlCowie
Member
since 05-13-2011
Posts 94
London, UK


34 posted 04-16-2014 06:17 AM       View Profile for AlCowie   Email AlCowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit AlCowie's Home Page   View IP for AlCowie

Good Morrow, Monsieur Balladeer,
This actor's here and brings good cheer;
I tracked away, but now I'm back
No slacker I, I will attack,
And practice verse and feel no fear,
Good Morrow, Monsieur Balladeer!
††
I've been away a while, but just getting back into the versification thingy all over again, time for a bit of fun!

For those that don't know me, I'm Al, and for those that do, sorry it's been so long...
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26380
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


35 posted 04-16-2014 08:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, Lighthousebob, as chief cook and bottle-washer of this here forum, it's my job to critique the poems and point out areas that might use a little tweaking or improvement. You make that a little difficult because there ain't none!

I would not change a word, a syllable or a letter of this poem. The form  is exact, the flow exceptional, and you give the poem the perfect flavor of the ambiance you describe. The wordplay and lines are extremely clever.

I'm sorry I missed it the first time but I am very glad you brought it back. It falls into my "I wish I had written that" category. Excellent work, friend.
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26380
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


36 posted 04-16-2014 08:39 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Good morrow, Al. We welcome your return.
It's nice of you to stop by here to learn
But I see very little to improve
In my view, you're already in the groove
You've written nothing I would care to spurn
Good morrow, Al. We welcome your return.
Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 02-28-2008
Posts 1587
Oklahoma USA


37 posted 11-21-2014 07:31 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

I can see I have missed a lot.
It seems to me I should be over the passing of my parents, but I'm not. My life has been in a lot of turmoil, since they passed away.
quatro04
New Member
since 02-02-2016
Posts 2
Texas


38 posted 02-10-2016 03:06 AM       View Profile for quatro04   Email quatro04   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for quatro04

For winterís end could not be swayed
and ghostly breaths are quick to fade
as prickly snowflakes melt mid-air
The seasons change without a care
spring is near, yes this I have prayed
For winterís end could not be swayed.
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Poetry Workshop >> Pass The Envelope , Please.   [ Page: 1  2  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2014
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors