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Passions in Poetry

Meterology

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Balladeer
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0 posted 03-08-2011 09:51 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I've seen by perusing the Open entries, that there are a few who could use a refresher course in meter. This assignment is an  exercise in maintaining sound rhythm and meter.

Your poem will consist of 6-line stanzas. The first and third lines will be iambic pentameter. The  second and fourth lines will be trochaic, consisting of five stressed and four unstressed syllables.
The fifth and sixth lines will consists of three anapests each.  For those you you not familiar with those terms, it's a good time to look them up and learn them.

The rhyme scheme will be a-b-a-b-c-c. Make the poem at least two stanzas. Let's see if there is any interest at all.

Doc, I know this is a piece of cake for you. In your case, make you poem about....an egg.  

Example:

I like to think that nothing ever ends
Nightfall never comes to block the sun
And one goes on, no matter what life sends
Jubilant and flush with battles won.
All of this I had thought long ago
But it's all just a dream, now I know.


Sunshine
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1 posted 03-08-2011 09:18 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Well, I would try, but you know me...

I have three feet.

Balladeer
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2 posted 03-08-2011 09:59 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, put your best foot forward!!!
Balladeer
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3 posted 03-09-2011 06:29 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

hmmm...looks like the meter is on empty
Sunshine
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4 posted 03-09-2011 10:03 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

oh good grief, man...let it get at least 27 mpg!



Dr.Moose1
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5 posted 03-11-2011 07:28 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Sometimes (but not often) I think you give me more credit than I deserve, lol. An egg?
Good grief man! Would you like that "Sunshiney- side" up?
Doc
Balladeer
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6 posted 03-11-2011 08:36 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, doc, I thought that something that got laid would be your specialty!
Dr.Moose1
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7 posted 03-11-2011 08:56 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Oh well, you asked for it.

I like to think of poems as mixing bowls,
words and phrases our ingredients,
with which to stir our thoughts into a whole,
poets tools we use so they make sense.
As with omelettes one must break some eggs
then round holes you can fill with square pegs.

Doc

Oops, you did say "at least two stanzas".

And that's eggsactly what I like to do
mixing things all up is my forte
and though this may seem strange to some of you
words are naught but toys with which I play
so it is I define this fine art
all it's "cracked" up to be for my part.

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (03-11-2011 09:41 AM).]

Sunshine
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8 posted 03-11-2011 10:21 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Now just how, Doc, is that supposed to be sunshiney side up?

Eggsellent!
Dr.Moose1
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9 posted 03-11-2011 01:38 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Sunshine,
Thanks,lol, that's a good question, I'll have to ponder that for a bit.

Doc
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10 posted 03-11-2011 01:56 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Or you could write another one.

Dr.Moose1
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11 posted 03-13-2011 10:31 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Sunshine
Lol, you must really enjoy terrible poetry.

The "Deer" assigned a certain type of poem,
making mine more fun, an added twist,
three meters used from which we could not roam,
using "proto-poultry" as its gist.
Such a task one most surely can't shirk,
find a way, then just make it all work.

Though some may think this chore is tough enough,
lining up to score a hole in one,
My "tee-shot" hit my egg into the rough,
spouting off I'd almost been undone,
so it's strange that a change this abrupt
gives us eggs all "Sunshiney" side up.

Doc

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (03-14-2011 06:55 AM).]

Balladeer
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12 posted 03-13-2011 10:10 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, Doc, let's get to it here. One of the things of meter is making sure the readers read the meter in the way you intend it to be read. That's not always so easy. Sentences can be read in different ways. For example...

We were assigned a certain type of poem,

That is your iambic sentence, which means you are putting the accent on "were". You can do that when you are reading it, but I assure you no reader of your poem would. I would read it as either..

WE were ass-IGNED a CER-tain TYPE of POEM    or
we were ass-IGNED

I would never put the accent on "were" because the eye looks for the important words to put the accent on. WE is an important word, assigned is an important word,  but "were"? Not unless you are comparing two periods of time.

The rest of your lines?......EGGcellent!

Dr.Moose1
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13 posted 03-14-2011 06:54 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Thanks for explaining one of the finer points when it comes to meter, when I read it, the accent fell on "were" without any problem, but hey, now I know that's just me.
The words' "importance" factor is a concept I was unaware of, but now is another tool I can hopefully make use of. Quick fix, done.
Doc
Nan
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14 posted 03-14-2011 09:15 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

If political debates were this much fun, I'd be far more interested in them..


Dr.Moose1
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15 posted 03-14-2011 11:04 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Nan,
Lol, although Balladeer and I do have some history of debate, in this case I was genuinely thanking him for pointing out something I was unaware of, however, I must agree with your political assessment.

Doc
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16 posted 03-14-2011 02:11 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

...and I second that agreement!

Thank you, doc
Alison
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17 posted 03-21-2011 12:39 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Okay, all debates aside (I only debate when I can smoke a cigar), I am better, back and will be giving this a shot.

A
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18 posted 03-21-2011 01:27 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Dog Team Dreams

I listen to the runners glide on the snow
Rubbing loudly on the icy trail
The dogs pull the sleds with a will to go
Sprinting faster, making dog sleds sail
Then they pass with a step of spring
When they pull, with their hearts they sing

With envy, I wish I could sail along
Running at their side on crystal snow
And feel the freedom of their pulling song
Wishing for that passion that they show
For they run with desire to please
And they pull with a graceful ease

~

Alison
Dr.Moose1
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19 posted 03-21-2011 07:59 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,
Glad to hear you're feeling better and had some time join us. Against my better judgement, I'm going to go out on a limb and point out two things I noticed with your piece. Your first line ( iambic pentameter ) comes up one beat short, perhaps something like " I listen to the runners gliding on the snow ". Also, if I'm not mistaken, your anapestic meter is also a beat short (1,2,3, 1,2,3, 1,2). Maybe something like " for they run with a purpose to please ". I could be wrong, I often am, but this is what I saw. Other than that, good subject matter and imagery( as with most of your posts) and , I believe your trochaic lines are fine as is. I await Balladeers' ruling.

Doc
Alison
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20 posted 03-21-2011 10:33 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thank you, Doc.  I'll take a look at this and put my change in tonight.  That'll give Balladeer time to weigh in too.  I was finger counting, but it was late and I don't count so good when I am sleepy.

Alison
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21 posted 03-21-2011 10:40 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Okay, had to just get on it and try to work the bugs out.  More bugs?

~


Dog Team Dreams

I hear the runners glide across the snow
Rubbing loudly on the icy trail
The dogs pull the sleds with a will to go
Sprinting faster, making dog sleds sail
Then they pass with a step of spring
When they pull, with their hearts their song sings

With envy, I wish I could sail along
Running at their side on crystal snow
And feel the freedom of their pulling song
Wishing for that passion that they show
For they run with desire to please
And they pull with a graceful strong ease

~

Alison
Dr.Moose1
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22 posted 03-21-2011 11:53 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,

I thought for once I might attempt to grade,
using all the things I've learned in here
a poem from northern realms a certain maid
posted for our teacher Balladeer
I wouldn't normally do
this for no one but you.

Forgive me if I've taken liberties
pointing out what I thought were mistakes
a dog-sled mushing swiftly through the trees
really should know when to use its brakes.
When the meter you use is applied
then your words like the dog-sled will glide.

I'm still coming up a beat short here and there and some of the syllable counts may be right but the emphasis is off I'll detail it later if you want but Balladeer will probably beat me to it.

Doc
Alison
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23 posted 03-21-2011 12:40 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Acck -- try again.  What was I thinking???

--

Dog Team Dreams

Hear sharpened runners glide across the snow
Rubbing loudly on the icy trail
The dog team pulls sleds, burning will to go
Sprinting faster, making dog sleds sail
Then they pass with a quick step of spring
When they pull, all they give makes snow sing

With envy, I wish I could sail along
Running at their side on crystal snow
And feel the freedom of their pulling song
Wishing for that passion that they show
For they run with desire, heart to please
And they pull with a drive, grace and ease

~

Alison
Balladeer
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24 posted 03-21-2011 01:29 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

It's Alison!!!!! YAYYYYY!! I thought you had gotten  swallowed by a Klondike bar!! (or IN a Klondike bar!)  Good to see you again!!

Ok...the poem. As far as the poem is concerned, I love it....love the title and love the subject matter. (by now, she is thinking.."oh, boy, here it comes!)

Actually, I didn't need to do a thing. I had copied your poem before going to work, intending to point out the areas of oopsies when I came back...but I see they have all been corrected! The way the poem stands right now, it is exact and a fine piece of writing. You are always one to keep working until you get it right, I know.

Thanks for joining in, doc. Your suggestions were spot on....appreciate it.
 
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