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Passions in Poetry

Meterology

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Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


25 posted 03-21-2011 03:47 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Thanks, it's nice to know I can contribute something once in a while.
Good job Alison, you get an "attagirl".

Doc
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


26 posted 03-22-2011 12:56 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

You know, 'Deer & Doc, you are among my favorite people.  Thank you.



A
AlCowie
Member
since 05-13-2011
Posts 90
London, UK


27 posted 05-13-2011 09:25 PM       View Profile for AlCowie   Email AlCowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit AlCowie's Home Page   View IP for AlCowie

No idea what an anapest is, but here goes!

I'm watching 10 o'clock live (recorded it)
Satire, brutal insight at its best
Well if you have their slanted point of view
However I'm an independent git
And sometimes I am pretty unimpressed
With the implication that there's no taboo.

But all the politics of left an right,
Tribal in its nature, is so wrong
I love my country not the candidates
I decide for me, with my own sight;
If something's right, it's right. ignore the throng.
Just choose your choice because your thinking's straight.
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


28 posted 05-13-2011 09:35 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thanks for joining in, Al. Nice poem but I think you should review the requirements of what this lesson calls for.  Any questions, please ask.
AlCowie
Member
since 05-13-2011
Posts 90
London, UK


29 posted 05-14-2011 11:06 AM       View Profile for AlCowie   Email AlCowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit AlCowie's Home Page   View IP for AlCowie

Ah, right, had another look. Hadn't fully understood (dyslexia and the fact I am new to much of the poetic lexicon), but I think I do now, so here's another go...

d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'DAY,
Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'BEE,
d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'DAY,
Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'BEE,
d'd'Dum, d'd'Dum, d'd'CEE,
d'd'Dum, d'd'Dum, d'd'CEE,

The battle lines are drawn in sand today
Love can kill, but love can help you live
The feelings that I'm feeling yet again
Grip my heart with pain I won't forgive
Small explosions of nerve endings ripping raw,
Licking flames reach a heart made of straw.

The young don't understand the benefit,
Hearts unscarred by war in realms of love;
Where foreign troops' more vicious arms commit
Crimes so cruel that even God above
Cries in shame at a game played by brutes
Stomping on fragile hearts with their boots.

I almost wish my heart was young again
Lightly walk through minefields unaware
Without the fear of losing oxygen,
Suffocating, lungs empty of air.
I want sun, I want fields, I want light,
Feeling weightless, flying high as a kite.

Though I remember how it felt so good
I remember how it felt so bad
One moment you are walking through a wood
Struck by beauty, heart so free and glad
But the change makes your heart silhouette
Splits your chest with a chasm of regret
(Why's a hole so damned hard to forget?!!)
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


30 posted 05-14-2011 09:04 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, well, well.....new to the lexicon??? I would say you are quite the quick learner! Your iambic and trochaic are perfection! The poem itself is excellent. This is very impressive indeed!!!!!

Contrary to the rumor that Dr. Moose tried to spread that I must find something to correct in order to make up for an undersized manhood, let me point out the following....

. "Small explosions of nerve endings ripping raw,"......two syllables too many.

"Feeling weightless, flying high as a kite.".......one syllable too many

"Splits your chest with a chasm of regret".......one syllable too many

The extra syllables throw the anapestic meter off. These are easily correctable. Once again, I applaud your work and am very pleased you have joined us here. We look forward to more.
AlCowie
Member
since 05-13-2011
Posts 90
London, UK


31 posted 05-15-2011 05:39 AM       View Profile for AlCowie   Email AlCowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit AlCowie's Home Page   View IP for AlCowie

Hi Balladeer,

Thank you for the feedback, and the seen once pointed out. This is fun!

"Small explosions, nerve endings ripped raw"

"Feeling free, flying high as a kite."

"Splits your chest with a chasmic regret"

Al
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


32 posted 05-15-2011 08:18 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Those work well, Al. Nicely done
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


33 posted 05-15-2011 11:34 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Hi Al,

You reminded me that I have some catching up to do.  Great to see you here.

Alison
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


34 posted 05-16-2011 06:54 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Yes Al,
Welcome to Passions and the workshop. Hopefully your enthusiasm is infectious. Oh, and Balladeer,
while I may have spread a rumor or two, "that" was not one of them, lol.

Doc
 
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