Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
Welcome to my lair, Alison!!!
I called you in to class because I like the poem and I'd like for you to take a refreshere course to give it it's proper due. You have skipped too many classes!!! We miss you...
Always paying, demanding more
This is the first place the meter breaks...not bad! The extra syllable hurts. I would suggest
Always pay, demanding more or Always paying, wanting more.
Gazing high, softly entreats
That "softly" is a killer that ruins the meter of the line.. Obviously "high" is an accented syllable and must not have another accented syllable following it. Since I'm not sure what "softly entreats" means there, I can't suggest an alternative but you need to have "high" followed by an unaccented syllable.
She charges for gifts she gives
One syllable too many and the only line in the stanza that begins iambic with an unaccented syllable. I would suggest,,
Charging for the gifts she gives.
That's it! The rest of the poem is excellent, both in meter and content. You are still a star to me.