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Passions in Poetry

Learn your ABC's

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Balladeer
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0 posted 06-17-2010 09:18 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Let's go for the ABC ABC rhyme scheme, shall we?

Stanzas will consist of lines 1 and 3 written in iambic heptameter and lines 2 and 4 in iambic pentameter. The internal rhymes of lines 1 and 3 will rhyme, as will the ending rhymes of lines 1 and 3 and 2 and 4.  Easy as ABC, no?  

To gaze out on the ocean in the early morning light
Before the sun has fully reached it's peak
And marvel at the motion at the sea gulls in their flight
Can make the knees of anyone go weak.
Amaryllis
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1 posted 06-17-2010 09:46 PM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

Er..  don`t make it so easy on us,  Mr. Balladeer..    heh!
.
Really, I am fascinated.. I wrote it down on my handy dandy notebook  (I still have to work in graphite for the rough stuff).. and will be trying my hand at this one!  =)
.
Does this form have a name?
Thanks~Amaryllis
Balladeer
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2 posted 06-17-2010 09:56 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I think it's name is George. Anxious to see what you can do!
Amaryllis
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3 posted 06-18-2010 12:03 AM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

By George, I think I`ve got it! (maybe)...
.
.
Dawn will shoulder under last night`s sable confrontations,
before I tilt the hemlock to my lips,
saturate this wonder with her bone-pale affirmations,
so manifest the sibyl in my hips.
.
eh? eh?  
~Amaryllis
Balladeer
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4 posted 06-18-2010 08:26 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Clever! You followed the instructions to the letter. You'll explain the meaning of the poem to your ever-inquisitive  teacher, yes?

A stanza is good but a poem consisting of multiple stanza telling a story, all in the same style, gets a special grade from teach.

Dr. Moose will be along to demonstrate, I have little doubt
Dr.Moose1
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5 posted 06-18-2010 08:42 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Lol, now what would possibly make you think that?
Doc
Amaryllis
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6 posted 06-18-2010 11:17 AM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

Agh I dislike explaining my poems! But that means I`ve made it too abstract.. =P
.
Morning is coming. It will shine a killing light on the love affair. So make it `real`.. one more time.
.
And for some reason it was more difficult than I`d expected.. so I left it as one puny stanza.. that still (I hoped) says a lot.  :P  lol
.
Well, Mr. Moose? You have the floor!   Looking forward to yours!  =)
Best~Amaryllis
Balladeer
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7 posted 06-18-2010 12:55 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Don't worry, Amaryllis. I found Mary Had a Little Lamb too abstract! I'm just a meat and potatoes kinda guy.

That WOULD be a nice exercise sometimes, though, to take a poem like that, post it, and have people explain  what they think it's about. Hmm...may have to try that sometime...
Amaryllis
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8 posted 06-18-2010 01:15 PM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

Ha! Kind of like a poetic Rorscharch, eh? That would be fun!  
.
Really, I`m of two minds about that, though.. (abstract or `hard-to-get` poetry).. while I realize it`s all subjective, I do like a poem that makes me think.. usually I find that if I don`t get it straight off, then with a little study & re-reading I will come to an `aha!` moment.  That`s not to say I don`t enjoy a straightforward read.. I adore all styles of poetry.  My own writing is usually too transparent, imo! Yet if a poem was so opaque that an entire thread of readers wouldn`t get it, or would all arrive at different conclusions, then (to me) the poem has failed on some level. I`m not saying it wouldn`t be fun for an exercise!     I`m speaking of poetry written that the author would want to try & publish.. ah I don`t know! I`m just yakkin.. sorry to almost highjack your workshop thread here!  =P    Carry on...  
Best~A
Alison
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9 posted 06-20-2010 03:11 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

The smoke cloaks the midnight sun and makes it a molten red
To float among a mist of pearl-gray clouds
Cavorting flames twist and run as smoke columns drift ahead
And clothe submissive trees in ashy shrouds

-

Alison
Alison
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10 posted 06-20-2010 03:49 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Another shot at it and I am off to bed -

-

I sit in trepidation and write poems in the dark
Deleting them before the dawn breaks night
There is no inspiration for words now have lost their spark
I keep my poems in files out of sight

-

Alison


[This message has been edited by Alison (06-20-2010 11:35 AM).]

Balladeer
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11 posted 06-20-2010 03:11 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Whew! For a minute you had me worried, Alison. I had thought you lost your iambic during your hookey playing..

The (SMOKE CLOAKS) the MIDnight SUN and MAKES ( it a) MOLten RED
To float among a mist of pearl-gray clouds
CaVORting (FLAMES TWIST) and RUN as (SMOKE  COL)umns DRIFT aHEAD
And clothe submissive trees in ashy shrouds


In the second, though, I see I was wrong, You still have it...perfect.
Alison
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12 posted 06-20-2010 06:32 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I fought the first one.  It's hard to try to write poetry with structure again - my confidence is still hit pretty hard.

But, the second one, just came in moments.  So - maybe I need to just relax, huh?

I'll redo the first in a bit.

Thank you, 'deer.



A
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13 posted 06-20-2010 07:57 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Rewrite:

The smoke is painting the sun bloody crimson shades of red
Then tones it down with hues of pearl-gray clouds
Incomplete art now undone filling solstice hearts with dread
Defeated, we embrace our ashy shrouds

-

Alison
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14 posted 06-20-2010 08:30 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Not yes, my husky lady. The 2nd and 4th lines are good but you will see the errors in parenthesis in the other two.In the first you have two unaccented syllables together, followed by two accented ones. In the second, you begin trochaic instead of iambic and then have two accented ones together in the middle.

You'll get it. For a while you had iambic flowing out of your fingers like honey. The you got haiku hijacked and lost your way. Welcome back!

-the SMOKE is PAINT(-ing the) (SUN BLOOD)-y CRIM-son SHADES of RED

(IN)-com-PLETE art NOW un-(DONE FILL)-ing SOL-stice HEARTS with DREAD
Alison
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15 posted 06-20-2010 10:04 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Ack!  I knew I should have kicked the first one to the can last night before you read it.  Sometimes I struggle to rewrite thoughts that don't fit the poetic structure - round hole/square peg.  However, I can't quit on this one now - so I'll be back.  



A
Alison
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16 posted 06-20-2010 11:05 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

It's all just smoke and mirrors as if thunder claps a song
The threatened day will battle with fierce clouds
While bolts of light cause furor when they fracture in the ground
The mourners hide behind their solstice shrouds

-

A

PS - Thank you for having me back - that rock I crawled under was pretty heavy to push off my shoulders.  I am back.
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17 posted 06-20-2010 11:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

AHA! I KNEW you could do it!

Nicely done, miss. Welcome back
Alison
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18 posted 06-21-2010 12:25 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thank you for keepin' the faith.



A
Alison
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19 posted 06-21-2010 01:14 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

The rhyme was off -

--

It's all just smoke and mirrors as if thunder claps a song
The threatened day will battle with fierce clouds
While bolts of light cause furor as they dance with talon prongs
And mourners hide behind their solstice shrouds

-

A

Sorry to keep working on this one - but I wanted to make it right.  Hope I didn't throw it off again.  


[This message has been edited by Alison (06-21-2010 02:50 AM).]

Dr.Moose1
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20 posted 06-21-2010 07:32 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

To write a poem about a form called "George" will be your task,
or will be if you should choose to accept
It's not so far outside the norm, but who is "Norm" you ask,
and at such complex things was he adept?

Both questions much deserving of of an answer so let's see
if I can yet pull one from this old hat
and still keep on preserving rhyme and all those A, B, C's
may prove not such an easy task at that.

Enough of this quit beating 'round the bush,
get back to "Norm"
and while you're at it give our best to "George"
We do not like the way this sounds so take this silly form
and then proceed to go jump in a gorge!


So sayeth all the Pipsters to Doc Moose
who tried to put his humor to good use.
Balladeer
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21 posted 06-21-2010 07:34 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

That's why you're special, Alison. I had given you the near rhyme because you had worked so hard on it but you revised it yourself and weren't satisfied until you got it right,

You're a poet's poet. Write on!
Alison
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22 posted 06-21-2010 10:37 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Love it, Moose.
  And thank you, Balladeer.
    And I really liked yours too, Amarylis!

Balladeer
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23 posted 06-21-2010 11:27 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Boy, it's easy to tell who's been absent from class for a while. What happened to my heros, my superstars???

Cleverly written, Moose, as all your works are....very entertaining. Pentameter is five feet, 10 syllables per line. You went with eight. 14 and 10 is a good combination that works, 14 and 8, not so much. Maybe that's why you don't like the way it sounds?

Other than that, it's great. Your internal rhymes are good and perfectly placed, and your wit shines as bright as always. Great to have you back, good sir.
Dr.Moose1
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24 posted 06-21-2010 02:10 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Lol @ myself for completely flubbing that part, my only excuse is that once I started I never referred back to the instructions, thus no "pentameter". Rewrite in the works.
Doc

Thank you Alison, but as you can see it ain't over yet, lol.
Doc

Edited version above, thanks much.
Doc
 
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