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Passions in Poetry

The Mystery of History

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Balladeer
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0 posted 04-26-2010 08:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


OK, slackards of mine. The last lesson was a little too hard so let's move on to something else.

I would like to see a historical poem, a poem about some occurance in history that everyone is familiar with. It could be the Titanic, Pearl Harbor, the Civil War, Amelia Earhart or whatever. Write a poem in any style about some  event. Study it, Research it. Give us facts we aren't aware of. Make us say, "Wow! I didn't know that!" or "Wow! I  never thought of it that way!". Make it educational and interesting.

Can you handle it?
Sunshine
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Listening to every heart


1 posted 04-26-2010 10:22 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I think I have. Now I just have to go back and find it.
Balladeer
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2 posted 04-27-2010 08:14 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Anyone working on anything??
Balladeer
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3 posted 04-29-2010 08:31 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ok, I suppose there is no interest in this, either...
Grinch
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Whoville


4 posted 04-29-2010 03:16 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch

An old one - just as an aside until the troops arrive.

Harvest.

A future poppy field turned sea of dead
Where no plant puts its head above the mud,
Bars and stars picked out in hues of red
As if to mark each poppies' place in blood.

Where no plant puts its head above the mud
The mustard killer creeps without a sound,
As if to mark each poppies' place in blood
It grips the lungs. It plants you in the ground.

The mustard killer creeps without a sound
Bright medals lie just targets on a pin,
It grips the lungs. It plants you in the ground,
For all this pain and death what do we win?

Bright medals lie just targets on a pin,
Bars and stars picked out in hues of red,
For all this pain and death what do we win?
A future poppy field turned sea of dead.

.
Balladeer
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5 posted 04-29-2010 05:31 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

grinch, this could be one of the most striking pantoums I have read....very hard-hitting. (and all this time I thought you were just a pretty face)

Does it point to a specific incident in history? My first thought was Flanders Field with the mention of the poppies....or is it a poem concerning war in general? In either case, thanks for posting it. It goes into my favorites, where few poems go.
Grinch
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Whoville


6 posted 04-29-2010 05:44 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch


Your first thought was a good one Mike:

Generally the three battles at Ypres West Flanders specifically the third, also known as the battle of Passchendaele.

.
Klassy Lassy
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since 06-28-2005
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7 posted 04-30-2010 08:58 PM       View Profile for Klassy Lassy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Klassy Lassy

I really like this poem, too, Grinch.


Michael, I'm surprised how quiet we all are right now...as if all thoughts are left in the "washer, after winter's rinse."

Wrung out.  
Balladeer
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8 posted 04-30-2010 11:00 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I;m afraid our student base is no more, Lassy. It was fun while it lasted...
Balladeer
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9 posted 05-05-2010 10:13 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Class is closed.
Alison
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10 posted 05-09-2010 11:40 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Dear Deer,

No excuses.  I just can't seem to get words in my head.  Please don't give up on me.  I think and think and nothing is coming to me, but I believe I will come up with something - soon.

I missed this post because I have not been on line or in PiP much, but I'd like to give this a shot - and the last one too.

I am working on it.

A
blind poet
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11 posted 05-20-2010 12:35 PM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

I am new here and a little nervous. I found myself drawn to this particular thread (challenge?) for history is one of my big interests...is it too late to post a poetic attempt? I would appreciate feedback...

thank you
in poetry,
Dory

Balladeer
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12 posted 05-20-2010 05:01 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

By all means, Dory. I will welcome your, or anyone's, contribution.
blind poet
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13 posted 05-20-2010 09:21 PM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

Thank you so much, Balladeer, I really appreciate this...I am just a simple rhyming poet and I do realize some of the rhymes don't quite rhyme as well, perhaps, as they should...I do hope this fits the challenge.

Just Like Robin Hood?


Jesse James and his brother Frank
in cold, stern daylight robbed a bank.
The legends say they helped the poor
with the treasure they secured.

Jesse is such a mystery
though a noted part of history.
Was he a hero or a villain?
The question is so chilling.

It came about one wintry day
Jesse had many bills to pay.
So he hooked up with the Brothers Ford
to rob a bank, just one bank more.

Charles and Bob were the brother's names
and how they fooled our Jesse James.
Bob shot him dead right through the head
for the reward or so I read.

There's so many questions in my mind
if I could turn back the hands of time
I would ask Jesse a question or two
that's exactly what I'd do.

Did you rob banks for cash and fun?
Did you ever help out anyone?
Did you help the poor and weak?
History can no longer speak.

I await your feedback and any critique you care to make..thank you!

in poetry,
Dory
Balladeer
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14 posted 05-20-2010 11:21 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thank you, Dory! Yes, Jesse James was painted as a Robin Hood figure....but was he? That's a very good question. You have posed a very interesting question here and fulfilled the assignment admirable.

From a poetic standpoint, there are several areas where the poem doesn't quite pass muster, though, with regards to meter, syllable counts and flow of the lines. I would be happy to point them out, if you like.

Thanks again for your participation, sir.
blind poet
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15 posted 05-20-2010 11:28 PM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

Thank you so much, Balladeer, I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this little piece...further I would appreciate any thoughts on improving this piece or subsequent pieces...am not sure what meter is, I am pretty new to writing poetry

thank you, sir

in poetry,
Dory
Balladeer
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16 posted 05-21-2010 09:54 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

OK, I will put something together. You may want to check the archives of this forum where you will find many earlier lessons dealing with the different types of meter and how to use them.
blind poet
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17 posted 05-22-2010 04:07 PM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

Thank you sir for your speedy response..I look forward to your critique

on to meter...been reading a bit and

ta dum ta dum I'm feeling dumb
.....

now I am off to read some formal type poems...am trying to get a handle on all this...seems way more complex than I first thought..but I am determined

thank you once again
in poetry (however complex it is)
Dory

Balladeer
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18 posted 05-22-2010 10:09 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ok, Dory..

First, when writing in structured form, the syllable counts must be consistent. Here are the syllable counts of your lines..


8-8-8-7
8-9-9-7
8-8-9-8
8-8-8-8
9-9-10-7
8-9-7-8

As you can see, they are not too bad! You went off the road a few times, but overall you did pretty well. You still need to correct the discrepancies, though.

Next you have to choose the meter. Whether you choose iambic, trochaic, anapestic or whatever, you need to have consistency in the lines.

Let's take the first stanza with the accented syllables in caps..

JES-se JAMES and his BRO-ther FRANK
in COLD, stern DAY-light ROBBED a BANK
the LEG-ends SAY they HELPED the POOR
WITH the TREA-sure THEY se-CURED.

The first line starts trochaic (DA-dum), the second iambic (da-DUM), the third iambic and the fourth trochaic. That could be acceptable if all of the other stanzas followed the same format, but they don't.

Many of these glitches can be easily fixed. The first stanza, for example can be made perfect with two small changes that will maintain the meter AND correct the syllable counts.

Young Jesse James and brother Frank
In cold, stern daylight robbed a bank.
The legends say they helped the poor
With all the treasure they secured.

Adding "young" in the first stanza and "all in the last stanza made all the difference. Now you have to go through all of the stanzas, find the glitches and make the corrections. Poetry IS complex and the easier it is to read and the smoother it sounds means the more work went into it to make it that way.

You are on your way, new poet. Welcome.....
blind poet
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19 posted 05-23-2010 12:14 AM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

THANK YOU!! I shall work further on this piece...I appreciate your help sir!

in poetry,
Dory
blind poet
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since 05-20-2010
Posts 14


20 posted 05-23-2010 12:56 AM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

I think this is ok....the syllables seemed right...but sadly am still unsure of the meter (except for the first stanza..thank YOU!)

Just Like Robin Hood? - Revised

Young Jesse James and brother Frank
In cold, stern daylight robbed a bank.
The legends say they helped the poor
With all the treasure they secured.

The legends say one wintry day
when Jesse had some bills to pay
he hooked up with the Brothers Ford
to rob a bank, just one bank more.

The brothers,Chuck and Bob, by name,
deceived then shot young Jesse James.
Bob shot him dead right through the head
for the reward or so I read.

Did they help out the poor and weak?
Seems Hist'ry can no longer speak.
A puzzle then, a puzzle still
no answers come and never will.
Balladeer
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21 posted 05-23-2010 05:14 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Dory, you are one quick study!! That's an excellent revision. The poem is perfectly iambic now and flows like honey....with one exception.

for the reward or so I read.

To maintain the iambic the second syllable must be accented. Obviously "the" carries no accent there. This is easily corrected by changing the word.

for some reward or so I read

VIOLA! That does it. Very nice work on the revision, poet.
blind poet
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22 posted 05-23-2010 07:00 PM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

Thank you so much for all your assistance...I think I am getting a handle on this meter stuff..at least iambic...

once again, thank YOU!

in poetry,
Dory
Alison
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23 posted 05-23-2010 07:25 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Dory,

I really like this - the revision is great.  Now I am off to go give this a shot.  Hope I can do as well as you did.

A
blind poet
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since 05-20-2010
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24 posted 05-24-2010 03:31 PM       View Profile for blind poet   Email blind poet   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for blind poet

Thank you kindly, Alison, I am looking forward to your piece!

in poetry,
Dory
 
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