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The Mystery of History
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The Mystery of History |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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OK, slackards of mine. The last lesson was a little too hard so let's move on to something else. I would like to see a historical poem, a poem about some occurance in history that everyone is familiar with. It could be the Titanic, Pearl Harbor, the Civil War, Amelia Earhart or whatever. Write a poem in any style about some event. Study it, Research it. Give us facts we aren't aware of. Make us say, "Wow! I didn't know that!" or "Wow! I never thought of it that way!". Make it educational and interesting. Can you handle it?  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I think I have. Now I just have to go back and find it. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Anyone working on anything?? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ok, I suppose there is no interest in this, either...  |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
An old one - just as an aside until the troops arrive. Harvest. A future poppy field turned sea of dead Where no plant puts its head above the mud, Bars and stars picked out in hues of red As if to mark each poppies' place in blood. Where no plant puts its head above the mud The mustard killer creeps without a sound, As if to mark each poppies' place in blood It grips the lungs. It plants you in the ground. The mustard killer creeps without a sound Bright medals lie just targets on a pin, It grips the lungs. It plants you in the ground, For all this pain and death what do we win? Bright medals lie just targets on a pin, Bars and stars picked out in hues of red, For all this pain and death what do we win? A future poppy field turned sea of dead. . |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
grinch, this could be one of the most striking pantoums I have read....very hard-hitting. (and all this time I thought you were just a pretty face)  Does it point to a specific incident in history? My first thought was Flanders Field with the mention of the poppies....or is it a poem concerning war in general? In either case, thanks for posting it. It goes into my favorites, where few poems go. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Your first thought was a good one Mike: Generally the three battles at Ypres – West Flanders – specifically the third, also known as the battle of Passchendaele. . |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
I really like this poem, too, Grinch. Michael, I'm surprised how quiet we all are right now...as if all thoughts are left in the "washer, after winter's rinse." Wrung out.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I;m afraid our student base is no more, Lassy. It was fun while it lasted... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Class is closed. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Dear Deer, No excuses. I just can't seem to get words in my head. Please don't give up on me. I think and think and nothing is coming to me, but I believe I will come up with something - soon. I missed this post because I have not been on line or in PiP much, but I'd like to give this a shot - and the last one too. I am working on it. A |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
I am new here and a little nervous. I found myself drawn to this particular thread (challenge?) for history is one of my big interests...is it too late to post a poetic attempt? I would appreciate feedback... thank you in poetry, Dory |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
By all means, Dory. I will welcome your, or anyone's, contribution. |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
Thank you so much, Balladeer, I really appreciate this...I am just a simple rhyming poet and I do realize some of the rhymes don't quite rhyme as well, perhaps, as they should...I do hope this fits the challenge. Just Like Robin Hood? Jesse James and his brother Frank in cold, stern daylight robbed a bank. The legends say they helped the poor with the treasure they secured. Jesse is such a mystery though a noted part of history. Was he a hero or a villain? The question is so chilling. It came about one wintry day Jesse had many bills to pay. So he hooked up with the Brothers Ford to rob a bank, just one bank more. Charles and Bob were the brother's names and how they fooled our Jesse James. Bob shot him dead right through the head for the reward or so I read. There's so many questions in my mind if I could turn back the hands of time I would ask Jesse a question or two that's exactly what I'd do. Did you rob banks for cash and fun? Did you ever help out anyone? Did you help the poor and weak? History can no longer speak. I await your feedback and any critique you care to make..thank you! in poetry, Dory |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thank you, Dory! Yes, Jesse James was painted as a Robin Hood figure....but was he? That's a very good question. You have posed a very interesting question here and fulfilled the assignment admirable. From a poetic standpoint, there are several areas where the poem doesn't quite pass muster, though, with regards to meter, syllable counts and flow of the lines. I would be happy to point them out, if you like. Thanks again for your participation, sir. |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
Thank you so much, Balladeer, I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this little piece...further I would appreciate any thoughts on improving this piece or subsequent pieces...am not sure what meter is, I am pretty new to writing poetry thank you, sir in poetry, Dory |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
OK, I will put something together. You may want to check the archives of this forum where you will find many earlier lessons dealing with the different types of meter and how to use them. |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
Thank you sir for your speedy response..I look forward to your critique on to meter...been reading a bit and ta dum ta dum I'm feeling dumb ..... now I am off to read some formal type poems...am trying to get a handle on all this...seems way more complex than I first thought..but I am determined thank you once again in poetry (however complex it is) Dory |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ok, Dory.. First, when writing in structured form, the syllable counts must be consistent. Here are the syllable counts of your lines.. 8-8-8-7 8-9-9-7 8-8-9-8 8-8-8-8 9-9-10-7 8-9-7-8 As you can see, they are not too bad! You went off the road a few times, but overall you did pretty well. You still need to correct the discrepancies, though. Next you have to choose the meter. Whether you choose iambic, trochaic, anapestic or whatever, you need to have consistency in the lines. Let's take the first stanza with the accented syllables in caps.. JES-se JAMES and his BRO-ther FRANK in COLD, stern DAY-light ROBBED a BANK the LEG-ends SAY they HELPED the POOR WITH the TREA-sure THEY se-CURED. The first line starts trochaic (DA-dum), the second iambic (da-DUM), the third iambic and the fourth trochaic. That could be acceptable if all of the other stanzas followed the same format, but they don't. Many of these glitches can be easily fixed. The first stanza, for example can be made perfect with two small changes that will maintain the meter AND correct the syllable counts. Young Jesse James and brother Frank In cold, stern daylight robbed a bank. The legends say they helped the poor With all the treasure they secured. Adding "young" in the first stanza and "all in the last stanza made all the difference. Now you have to go through all of the stanzas, find the glitches and make the corrections. Poetry IS complex and the easier it is to read and the smoother it sounds means the more work went into it to make it that way. You are on your way, new poet. Welcome..... |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
THANK YOU!! I shall work further on this piece...I appreciate your help sir! in poetry, Dory |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
I think this is ok....the syllables seemed right...but sadly am still unsure of the meter (except for the first stanza..thank YOU!) Just Like Robin Hood? - Revised Young Jesse James and brother Frank In cold, stern daylight robbed a bank. The legends say they helped the poor With all the treasure they secured. The legends say one wintry day when Jesse had some bills to pay he hooked up with the Brothers Ford to rob a bank, just one bank more. The brothers,Chuck and Bob, by name, deceived then shot young Jesse James. Bob shot him dead right through the head for the reward or so I read. Did they help out the poor and weak? Seems Hist'ry can no longer speak. A puzzle then, a puzzle still no answers come and never will. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Dory, you are one quick study!! That's an excellent revision. The poem is perfectly iambic now and flows like honey....with one exception. for the reward or so I read. To maintain the iambic the second syllable must be accented. Obviously "the" carries no accent there. This is easily corrected by changing the word. for some reward or so I read VIOLA! That does it. Very nice work on the revision, poet. |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
Thank you so much for all your assistance...I think I am getting a handle on this meter stuff..at least iambic... once again, thank YOU! in poetry, Dory |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Dory, I really like this - the revision is great. Now I am off to go give this a shot. Hope I can do as well as you did. A |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
Thank you kindly, Alison, I am looking forward to your piece! in poetry, Dory |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Of history's mysteries large and small there's one remains atop them all. As searches through antiquity have failed to pierce it's secrecy. Unanswered questions still surround the origin of this, I've found, which some accredit to the Frenchmen. Gag gallows humor by some henchmen? Resembling strangulated ducks saved from drowning by cruel luck? Smithsonian scholars scratch their heads in 1939 was said the Loftus Company did the deed and introduced this special breed, yet patent searches name no names substantiating Loftus' claims ! A prop for the comedic chic? Replacing bladders on a stick? Much speculation for proof it lacks, to flip the bird at poultry facts... This birds no good for finger lickin' just who invented the rubber chicken? |
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blind poet Junior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 14 |
LOL Dr. Moose! You certainly have a sense of humour...loved this! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You have no idea, blind poet! He's just getting started! Darn...and I had always wanted to write a poem about a rubber chicken, too!  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Thanks Blind Poet, glad you liked. Balladeer, actually I've written several, but don't let that stop you, I'd love to see your take on it. Doc |
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Eldest Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177Alabama |
love this, I have always wondered where those silly things came from. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Eldest, Welcome to PIP! You do me a great honor by being the subject of your very 1st post here. Hope you enjoy your stay. Doc |
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