Wrap it up!!!! - pipTalk Forums

Balladeer
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0 posted 11-09-2009 09:18 PM

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Wrapped Refrain

The Wrapped Refrain, created by Jan Turner, consists of 2 or more stanzas of 6 lines each;
Meter: 8,8,8,8,12,12 and Rhyme Scheme: a,a,b,b,c,c.

Refrain rule: In each stanza the first 4 syllables (or 4 single-syllable words) in the first line must be
the last 4 syllables (or 4 single-syllable words) at the end of the last line. This is what wraps each
stanza with a repeated refrain ...thus, the Wrapped Refrain.

Example:

Create For Me a Metaphor

Create for me a lovely poem,
and let it be a brook, to roam
throughout a field of daffodils,
then wander up and down small hills.
And make it move as if it were a melody….
Delight me with this poem that you create for me.

A metaphor or two will do,
and paint with colors that imbue
this lovely poem with fantasy.
I love when you enrapture me!
Create for me a world I’m eager to explore;
A taste of candy, scent of rose; a metaphor!

Copyright © 2009 Andrea Dietrich

Alison

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1 posted 11-10-2009 01:09 AM

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Oh, this looks like fun - I was afraid that the Workshop was ending when I read the title of the thread.

Glad that is not the case.

Hugs and I hope that you are feeling better,

Alison

Alison

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2 posted 11-13-2009 02:36 AM

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I have been swamped but am looking forward to writing this weekend. I'll catch up - honest.

Alison

Poetal
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since 11-09-2009
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3 posted 11-13-2009 11:09 AM

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Good job here a teaching lession and a great poem. Thanks for the grand read.

AL Inmon

Balladeer
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4 posted 11-13-2009 03:28 PM

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Don't worry, Alison. No one is breaking the door down to get their work in.

Poetal, nice to see you here. Feel free to join in on this or any of the previous lessons.

Alison

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5 posted 11-13-2009 09:21 PM

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I think that they are all out playing hookey and committing moose-da-meanors!

A

Alison

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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

7 posted 11-14-2009 03:24 AM

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Sing out of tune while fingers strum
on silky skin that softly hums.
Crescendos offer us the key
to open doors and set love free.
Nocturnal curtains drop on cricket bands in June;
while under velvet darkness we sing out of tune.

The candle drips wax down the stick
and music sparks once hidden tricks.
Light flickers marks on silent walls
as graceful shadows rise and fall.
A glorious sunrise brushes warmth on bared hips,
then follows trails created by the candle drips.

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (11-14-2009 08:23 PM).]

Alison

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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

8 posted 11-15-2009 03:58 PM

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Is it just me or is this an awkward style of writing? I really liked the wrapping, but I am not loving the meter leap in the last two lines of each stanza.

I keep coming back to read the poem that you used as an example and it, too, seems off kilter to me.

A

Balladeer
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9 posted 11-15-2009 04:59 PM

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ALison, you did very well on yours! I really like the image you presented there.

Is it awkward? Yes. I, too, find it difficult to make the transition to the additional syllables in the last two lines. It's good that you recognize that because it means you are in tune with rhythm, meter and flow and recognize when something seems off-kilter.

I put a lot of different forms of writing here. Some are good and some not so good. All of them, though, are designed to have people practice and get used to employing good meter in their poetry. If you don't care for a particular style, that's fine. I, personally, wouldn't use this style in my writings, either.

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

10 posted 11-15-2009 05:06 PM

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I love trying the various forms of poetry - and I am happy that I am able to form an opinion based on some knowledge now. Thank you, Balladeer, for helping me grow.

A

Dr.Moose1
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Bewilderment , USA

12 posted 11-17-2009 07:34 AM

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Balladeer and Alison,
I too agree on the awkwardness of changing the syllable count. I tried two of these, and wasn't really happy with either. That not withstanding, I couldn't resist picking up on your comment Alison. Great job on this btw.
Doc

"Moosedameanors"? The heck you say
unfounded rumors, there's no way!
For Kleists' sake in the name of pun
now lookit whatcha made me done!
I'm simply just one of "Deers'" eraser cleaners
you can't make me admit to no "Moosedameanors"

Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I cannot help myself you see,
for when I write such poetry
I'm oft' beside myself with glee!
It may be the result of some head injury
a likely possibility, oh woe is me!

I'm innocent, I swear it's true,
in my defense I've lost a screw!
It has not merely gotten loose,
I'm one psychotic mixed up moose!
So friends if you should see where that missing screw went
then the verdict can only be, I'm innocent!

Alison

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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

13 posted 11-18-2009 10:24 AM

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Doc,

This is among the funniest poems I have read. I kept it. You work within the various styles as if it takes no effort. That's part of what I love about your poetry - you are usually spot on and you are down right interesting (to say the least).

Thank you for the smiles when I most need them.

Alison

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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Bewilderment , USA

14 posted 11-19-2009 08:04 AM

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Alison,
Thank you. You gotta know by now I have way too much fun with this stuff, it's far from effortless though, I'm just fortunate that my work allows time for my mind to wander. Glad to bring a smile whenever I can.
Doc

Balladeer
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15 posted 11-19-2009 08:18 AM

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Moose, you have a gift for making people smile, that's for sure. If you were a bone you would be the humerus!

Brilliant work, as usual.

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2836
Bewilderment , USA

16 posted 12-02-2009 01:18 PM

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Welcome back "Deer", you orn'ry cuss !
I think I speak for all of us
if'n I tell ya you've been missed
I'm thinkin' that you'll get the gist
needless to say, Pip Pip hooray and three Bronx cheers.
The old place just ain't been the same, welcome back "Deer"!

We salute you fearless leader,
poet, teacher, avid reader
of bad poems by goofy students
please forgive me my imprudence
but know that you inspire us through all that you do
and so, without further ado, we salute you.

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 530
Las Vegas, NV, USA

17 posted 05-31-2010 12:38 AM

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~frantically tries to catch up~
I'll get this one done ASAP.

Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 530
Las Vegas, NV, USA

18 posted 05-31-2010 01:10 AM

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i WRITE my BOOK so FRANTic'LY
afrAID of THE inSANiTY
i TRY to THINK abOUT the WORD
it FLIES aWAY just LIKE a BIRD
iDEas COME as 'ROUND i LOOK for ONE good HOOK
my ROOM is WHERE i SIT and THINK and WRITE my BOOK

my KILLer HAS esCAPED agAIN
elUDing MY sweet HERoINE
my HERoINE beCOMES heRO
proTAGoNISTS must COME and GO
the STORy CHANGE has COME to PASS aLAS aLAS
though STAYED the SAME through THICK and THIN my KILLer HAS

Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Balladeer
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19 posted 05-31-2010 09:56 AM

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Hey, Rachael!!! Good to see you back!

I see you are still working hard on proper meter and you are doing great! You are blossoming before our eyes and I love the determination.

The poem is good, a nice topic and you followed the instructions. Now, if you can convince me that hero is pronounced he-RO, I'll give you a gold star....good luck!!!!

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 530
Las Vegas, NV, USA

20 posted 05-31-2010 02:00 PM

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i WRITE my BOOK so FRANTic'LY
afrAID of THE inSANiTY
i TRY to THINK abOUT the WORD
it FLIES aWAY just LIKE a BIRD
iDEas COME as 'ROUND i LOOK for ONE good HOOK
my ROOM is WHERE i SIT and THINK and WRITE my BOOK

my KILLer HAS esCAPED agAIN
elUDing MY sweet HERoINE
in MAN must COME out WOman GO
proTAGoNISTS must COME and GO
the STORy CHANGE has COME to PASS aLAS aLAS
though STAYED the SAME through THICK and THIN my KILLer HAS

Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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