Humble Quest For Help - pipTalk Forums

rachaelfuchsberger

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Senior Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 503
Las Vegas, NV, USA

0 posted 10-25-2009 08:10 PM

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I just wrote and posted this poem today, and I'm certain some great poet already came up with this form, but I can't seem to find it. It's in trochaic, 7 syllables for the first 4 lines of each stanza and 13 for the last 2 and it has 3 stanzas. Here it is:

I am not a beast nor man
Don't attempt to comprehend
It will take your whole life span
Even when you've reached the end
You will find there's more to know than you possibly can
Because you are just a man, I you will not comprehend

I am but an entity
Being of another plane
Past your simple sanity
You would have to be insane
To comprehend the extent of my complexity
Beast and man are all made from all the same dust and grain

I am both beast and man
Though I am an entity
I am both because I can
Shocking the simplicity
With which I have the double nature of ev'ry man
You are both a beast and man and so an entity

...

Arana Darkwolf

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Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21817
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 11-02-2009 08:18 AM

Inappropriate content?

You have some interesting deep thoughts here, Rachel. The first four lines of each stanza are exact. The fifth and sixth lines of each stanza lose their meter completely. Line 6, stanza 1 begins iambic, as does line 5, stanza 2 and line 5, stanza 3. There is little similarity in meter among the last two lines of each stanza.

Btw, in the future, if you would like a critique of a poem not assigned to a lesson, post it in Open or e-mail it to me and I'll be glad to help out. Individual postings of poems seeking critiques here would not be advantageous to the workshop.

I know, I know....you're overzealous!

(never lose the zeal)

rachaelfuchsberger

Moderator
Senior Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 503
Las Vegas, NV, USA

2 posted 11-02-2009 12:59 PM

Inappropriate content?

Thank you, once again, and never enough, for your patience and help, Sir!

Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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