Write for Me, Quaternally - pipTalk Forums

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 10-12-2009 10:47 PM

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Quatern

A Quatern is a sixteen line French form composed of four quatrains. It is similar to the Kyrielle
and the Retourne. It has a refrain that is in a different place in each quatrain. The first line of
stanza one is the second line of stanza two, third line of stanza three, and fourth line of stanza
four. A quatern has eight syllables per line.

Example

True Love, Redefined

One day she hopes true love to find,
One soul, one mind, two hearts entwined;
Somewhere out there’s the perfect guy,
For Youth has set her standards high.

He must be rich, handsome, refined,
One day she hopes true love to find;
Yet no one seems to measure up
And disappointment fills her cup.

The years go by, her nights grow long,
Her aging voice sings sorrow’s song.
One day she hopes true love to find,
Her definition redefined;

Simply a plain and faithful friend
To see her to life’s journey’s end;
For though her face with age be lined,
One day she hopes true love to find.

Copyright © 2003 Linda Newman

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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Bewilderment , USA

2 posted 10-13-2009 11:49 PM

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Quat did you say ? I don't believe I heard you Quat right. Quat and give me twenty for
Quat is where it's aht!
Doc

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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Bewilderment , USA

3 posted 10-14-2009 01:10 PM

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There's much to do before the fall
of night, let us embrace the day,
the multitude of tasks which call,
a moment in the sun to play.

The strength to see us through it all.
There's much to do before the fall
a season of transition when
we gather to ourselves again

what spring and summer plantings bear
our portion Nature chose to share.
There's much to do before the fall
at times it makes one feel so small.

The hands of time move oh so fast,
these are the days of future passed
uncertain of our curtain call,
there's much to do before the fall.

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

4 posted 10-14-2009 04:31 PM

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I will certainly attempt this one, but, good Sir Balladeer, I would like to know your opinion of the song I posted on the last lesson.

On a side note, the results came in, and my girlfriend does have breast cancer. We don't know much right now, but we will be going to an oncologist tomorrow.

Arana Darkwolf

[This message has been edited by rachaelfuchsberger (10-14-2009 06:22 PM).]

Balladeer
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5 posted 10-14-2009 07:34 PM

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Excellent work, Dr. That last stanza is one of the best I've seen. You've earned a quater for your efforts

Balladeer
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6 posted 10-14-2009 07:39 PM

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My apologies, Rachel...that one got by me.

I like it! I like the thoughts and the way all of your stanza are the same and yet different by the clever insertions of different words while keeping the message the same. Cleverly done....

And I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. Hopefully, it will be treatable and she will beat it. Best wishes to her...

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

7 posted 10-14-2009 07:46 PM

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Thank you, good Sir. We are taking it all one step at a time now.

Arana Darkwolf

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
Posts 39850
Realms of Light

8 posted 10-14-2009 11:48 PM

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Deer Moose, if there's much to do before the fall, then I best get crackin'!!!

Actually, I just got out of the horsepistol and I'm at home with an I.V. running in my hand which makes keying a tad bit uncomfortable. So I'll be brief. That was a great Quatern!!!

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
Posts 39850
Realms of Light

9 posted 10-14-2009 11:51 PM

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Dear sweet Rachael, that was not the news that I was hoping for.

Sending up prayers for her well-being ~ and yours,

Love,
Linda

dragngrl28
Junior Member
since 10-12-2009
Posts 45
Texas, USA

10 posted 10-15-2009 12:22 AM

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Time is forever cheating me
Placing wrinkles where smooth should be
Stealing auburn and leaving gray
Taking a little youth each day

Breasts now where belly used to be
Time is forever cheating me
A second chin grown overnight
Thighs that crowd and constantly fight

Aching, creaking and moaning joints
The blame to time my finger points
Time is forever cheaating me
Forever stealing youth's beauty

Push up bras aand cellular creams
Will not restore a beauty's dreams
I cannot have what used to be
Time is forever cheating me

This is a first time so I don't know if its spot on.

Balladeer
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11 posted 10-15-2009 09:13 AM

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Welcome, dragngrl! Nice to have you join us..

This is a great topic and your repeating line is very good. The descriptive words are clever and you paint a picture in one's mind that I could have lived without!

If you were to work on the meter, it would really be excellent. Since you are new here, you may want to check back into early lessons on meter, rhythm and other mechanics or, if you like, I can point out where the meter breaks down, inhibiting the flow of the lines.

In any case...welcome to the workshop

Angel, you cam home from the hospital with a four?? That's weird! I'll be heading there myself soon...I'll give them your regards. Hope you're doing better!

dragngrl28
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since 10-12-2009
Posts 45
Texas, USA

12 posted 10-15-2009 03:16 PM

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I think the flow of the last lines of the 2nd and 3rd stanzas are off. Are these the ones you saw?

I will definitly check out the meter pages.

Thank you for the response. Formal poetry has always given me a hard time but if you never try then you never grow

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 18248
Between the Lines

13 posted 10-15-2009 08:13 PM

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Like the Wynter Needs the Spring

I play across their minds each day
In comfort of the words they say.
Adventuring the out of in.
Tomorrow's try: a new begin.

Although at times they go astray
I play across their minds each day
To teach within from heart and soul
Those little ones in my control.

Reflecting on their love of all
I hold them up, to never fall.
I play across their minds each day
And often tears I wipe away.

Like Wynter needs the Spring each year
To feel the warmth to persevere.
To lift those thoughts that on me weigh,
I play across their minds each day.

M (Wynter)

"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

Balladeer
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14 posted 10-15-2009 11:51 PM

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Yes, dragngrl, those are the two that stand out the most. There are others..

TIME is for-EV-er CHEAT-ing ME
PLAC-ing WRINK-les where SMOOTH should BE
STEAL-ing AUB-urn an LEAV-ing GRAY
TAK-ing a LIT-tle YOUTH each DAY.

In the first stanza, the first and fourth lines have the same meter and so does the second and third...but it should be the first and second...or the first and third.

Some of the lines begin iambically and some begin trochaicly.

"Me" and "beauty" is not a good rhyme.

"The blame to time my finger points" could really use a different way to say that. It sounds very disjointed.

Aside from all that, I like the poem. I can see how, by reciting it aloud, one can make it all come together very well. I appreciate your effort and determination

Balladeer
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15 posted 10-15-2009 11:57 PM

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Very nice, Maureen! Can't say I'm a fan of "a new begin" but you paint a heart-touching scenario with your words...I LIKE it!

Elias Nevermore
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since 11-03-2007
Posts 141

16 posted 10-16-2009 01:12 AM

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Aging

The minute hand strikes twelve at last.
Here they come, demons of the past
to prey upon my sins of old
and torment me, body and soul.

Staring into space, time dies fast.
The minute hand strikes twelve at last.
One cycle has been completed,
leaving me tired and depleted.

I count the seconds in my head,
before they haunt me once again.
The minute hand strikes twelve at last.
My mind's gate allows them to pass.

Demons feed off my inner pain,
and I slowly become insane,
as I watch my whole life elapse.
The minute hand strikes twelve at last.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;" -Edgar All

[This message has been edited by Elias Nevermore (10-16-2009 03:56 AM).]

Balladeer
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17 posted 10-16-2009 09:18 AM

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Dark, foreboding....and pretty darn accurate, Elias!

The lack of rhythm and meter hurts the presentation, though. It could use both.

Thanks for joining in. I appreciate it

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 18248
Between the Lines

18 posted 10-16-2009 12:50 PM

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Hey Mike, you know I always put a different "twist" on my words...of course it means a new beginning which wouldn't work...

Balladeer
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19 posted 10-16-2009 02:10 PM

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Sure, I know what it meant, m'lady. I had just never seen begin used as a noun before (neither has Webster's)

It comes across as a truncated word used because the appropriate word would not fit into the structure of the poem....which is probably pretty accurate.

Personally I would go with something like "Tomorrow it begins again" or something along those lines.

Please don't use the same thought process when writing of the coming of Spring!

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

20 posted 10-17-2009 02:50 PM

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Here is my attempt at this form.

I'll Love You Always Forever

I'll love you always forever
And come what may come whatever
This news that's blown us both away
Will increase our loving display

I cherish you with a ferver
I'll love you always forever
And no matter how bad it seems
Together we'll make our own dreams

We'll plan out our good bright future
And our love will be it's nurture
I'll love you always forever
We will get through this together

Even in sickness and in health
Our love will be each other's wealth
Our fated love will fade never
I'll love you always forever

Arana Darkwolf

[This message has been edited by rachaelfuchsberger (10-17-2009 07:12 PM).]

Balladeer
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21 posted 10-18-2009 09:43 AM

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Rachael, I appreciate the effort (really!) but the meter is lost in many lines and the "always forever" is a redundant phrase which doesn't fly that well, imo. Sorry....

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

22 posted 10-18-2009 12:45 PM

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Good Sir Balladeer,
I will work on the meter. However, always forever is an inside thing with Tonia and I. I'll say "always and forever" and she'll say "forever and always" or vice versa, so that one's gonna stay.

Arana Darkwolf

Titia Geertman
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since 05-07-2001
Posts 5089
Netherlands

23 posted 10-18-2009 07:06 PM

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Dear Sir, would you please dance with me?
I watched you and I hope you're free,
I love to move on music's sound,
Get off your feet and swirl me 'round.

I'll treat you after, on some Brie,
Dear Sir, would you please dance with me?
I'll even order some good wine,
If I could call you this night mine.

I warn you, I am rather old,
But still in quite good shape I'm told.
Dear Sir, would you please dance with me?
An English walz, counts one, two, three.

It's been long time since my last dance,
And maybe now, I have a chance,
But only if you will agree,
Dear Sir, would you please dance with me?

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

[This message has been edited by Titia Geertman (10-18-2009 08:17 PM).]

Balladeer
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Posts 21860
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

24 posted 10-18-2009 08:05 PM

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No problem, Rachel. There's a big difference between "always and forever" and "always forever" but it's your choice because it's YOUR poem

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