Write for Me, Quaternally - pipTalk Forums

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
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Realms of Light

25 posted 10-18-2009 08:31 PM

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Demon Seed (Quatern)

Black pepper always makes me sneeze.
It makes me cough and makes me wheeze.
Although it is a tasty spice
~ Ground pepper is not very nice!

I salt my food with total ease.
~ Black pepper always makes me sneeze.
If I inhale it up my nose,
please spray me down with water hose!

My eyes will water ~ then turn red.
I’ll head for safety of my bed.
Black pepper always makes me sneeze
~ Sets throat on fire like stings from bees!

A peppercorn’s a demon seed.
It burns my nose and makes it bleed.
~ So do not pass the shaker, please!
Black pepper always makes me sneeze!

LLD

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (10-19-2009 02:11 PM).]

Dr.Moose1
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26 posted 10-19-2009 07:09 AM

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EA,
Your poem has kind of a Seussian flavor to it,lol.
Doc

Dr.Moose1
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Bewilderment , USA

27 posted 10-19-2009 01:12 PM

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Tarzans' Blues

Ungawa, pasi, nip adoo
me Tarzan, I'm the king, that's who!
I swing it any way I please
and hang out with the chimpanzees!

Then Jane come here from overseas,
ungawa, pasi, nip adoo
she great big pain in BVDs
she make me do what she want to!

I was the master of all beasts,
the tribal chieftans threw me feasts
ungawa, pasi, nip adoo
now I get squat since she got through!

Beware of Jane! No good for you!
she take your pesas and igmoo
and give you the Swahili blues
ungawa, pasi, nip adoo!

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (10-20-2009 07:11 AM).]

Balladeer
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28 posted 10-19-2009 02:02 PM

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Ah, Dutchie, no man alive would refuse a dance with you! Very good effort, my knuffelmeister.

There is one part, however...

I'll treat you after, on some Brie,

Unless we are going to be lying on a piece of cheese while you treat me, that line doesn't work....although it DOES present a nice mental image!

Balladeer
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29 posted 10-19-2009 02:08 PM

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Angel, I just KNEW when I gave this lesson someone would write about black pepper.....not!

Your imagination is a wonderful place.

The only thing I would be snitty about is the double use of hose in one sentence but, since women often speak about "a pair of hose", I guess it's fine

Very fine work, m'lady

Balladeer
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30 posted 10-19-2009 02:14 PM

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Moose, "ungawa, pasi, nip adoo" is really an overused phrase in the world of poetry....NOT! Lemmee guess.....moose lingo, right?

There are a couple of errors. First, you are missing a syllable in the second to last sentence which throws the meter off and, second, any follower of the king of the jungle knows that Tarzan does NOT wear BVD's!!!

Aside from that, you thrill us with the same runaway imagination that provokes belly laughs the same way you always do..you never disappoint.

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
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Realms of Light

31 posted 10-19-2009 02:20 PM

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Deer Moosie ~

Your witty poem made me chuckle!
~ 'Caused sides to split and knees to buckle!

Ungaroo tiddy zoo bah doo,

Janey xo

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
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Realms of Light

32 posted 10-19-2009 02:22 PM

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Sir B ~

You slay me, sir knight, with your sense of humor!

Point noted, and corrected. Merci, teach!

LL

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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Bewilderment , USA

33 posted 10-19-2009 03:22 PM

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Balladeer,
Laughed my head off @ your reply, corrected the typos, but nope, not "Moose lingo". As far as I could gather from research, all words in question are either Swahili or early Portugese which became incorporated into the Swahili language with the exception of "ungawa" and "Nip adoo" which were made up for the movies.
Doc

EA,
Lol, but I'd be careful, we don't use that kind of language around my igmoo!
Doc

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

34 posted 10-20-2009 03:18 PM

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I'll LOVE you ALways FORevER
And COME what MAY or WHATevER
This NEWS that's BLOWN us BOTH aWAY
Will INcrease OUR lovING disPLAY

I CHERish YOU with SUCH fervER
I'll LOVE you ALways FORevER
And NEVer MIND how BAD it SEEMS
ToGEther WE'LL make OUR own DREAMS

We'll PLAN toGEther OUR fuTURE
We'll PAINT a CHERished LOVE picTURE
I'll LOVE you ALways FORevER
We'll GET through ALL this TOgeTHER

EvEN in SICKness AND in HEALTH
Our LOVE will BE each OTHer's WEALTH
Our FATed LOVE will FADE neVER
I'll LOVE you ALways FORevER

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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35 posted 10-20-2009 03:59 PM

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Still not there, Rachel..

The first line is yours
The second is mine.

I'll LOVE you ALways FORevER
i'll LOVE you ALways forEVer

And COME what MAY or WHATevER
and COME what MAY or  whatEVer

Will INcrease OUR lovING disPLAY
WILL inCREASE our LOVing disPLAY

I CHERish YOU with SUCH fervER
i CHERish YOU with SUCH FERver

ToGEther WE'LL make OUR own DREAMS
toGETher we'll MAKE our own DREAMS

We'll PLAN toGEther OUR fuTURE
we'll PLAN toGEther our FUture

We'll PAINT a CHERished LOVE picTURE
we'll PAINT a CHERished love PICture

Our FATed LOVE will FADE neVER
our FATed LOVE will FADE NEver

IN line 12 you say toGETher
in  line 15 you say TOgetHER

Keep at it, miss

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

36 posted 10-20-2009 04:54 PM

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Iambic will be the death of me yet. I'll try it again.

Arana Darkwolf

Titia Geertman
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since 05-07-2001
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Netherlands

37 posted 10-20-2009 05:37 PM

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Ha ha, image is clear. Oh well Deer, you know me, always struggling with the English grammar, never know for sure when to use 'on' or when to use 'at' or when not to use them at all. LOL can't get the image you pictured from my mind. I'll be even laughing in my sleep I guess. But still I don't know how to say it differently.

Should it have been - I'll treat you after, to some brie - ? Oh that doesn't sound good either, that sounds like an exact translation from the Dutch.
Have to think about this. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Balladeer
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38 posted 10-20-2009 06:24 PM

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Actually, dutchie.."I'll treat you after, to some brie" is perfect. In English we treat someone TO something

Titia Geertman
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since 05-07-2001
Posts 5089
Netherlands

39 posted 10-21-2009 02:44 AM

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Ok, thanks Deer, but I'll be treating you ON Brie forever I fear, because I can't change it anymore (it's past the twentyfour hours) LOL

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

40 posted 10-21-2009 04:15 PM

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Ok...different poem, but I think I got it right this time.

we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE
and FOR each OTHer WE are THERE
this CANcer IS someTHING to FIGHT
but WE will MAKE sure IT'S alRIGHT

toGETHer WE'RE abLE to BEAR
we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE
we'll MAKE it THROUGH this DARKest TIME
we'll TAKE this MOUNtain AND we'll CLIMB

through TRIals AND tribUlaTIONS
we'll MAKE it THROUGH sitUaTIONS
we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE
and EVen MORE left YET to SPARE

for CHILdren THAT we'll HAVE latER
our LOVE will BE evEN greatER
and WE will GO toGEther THERE
we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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41 posted 10-21-2009 04:39 PM

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Much better, Rachel. Still a few off, though..

someTHING....SOMEthing
abLE.....Able
tribUlaTIONS....TRIBuLAtions
sitUaTIONS.......SITuAtions
laTER.....LAter
evEN.......EVen

rachaelfuchsberger

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since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

42 posted 10-21-2009 06:18 PM

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I swear to you, iambic meter is going to be the death of me.

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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43 posted 10-21-2009 08:18 PM

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Believe me, Rachel, the guillotine runs a distant second to iambic as being a killer of man

Titia Geertman
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since 05-07-2001
Posts 5089
Netherlands

44 posted 10-21-2009 09:00 PM

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Rachael, try tapping your feet when reading your poem out loud, it's always helping me to get the rhythm right.

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 517
Las Vegas, NV, USA

45 posted 10-21-2009 10:06 PM

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we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE
and FOR each OTHer WE are THERE
this CANcer IS a FORCE to FIGHT
but WE will MAKE sure IT'S alRIGHT

toGETHer CApaBLE to BEAR
we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE
we'll MAKE it THROUGH this DARKest TIME
we'll TAKE this MOUNtain AND we'll CLIMB

no MATter WHAT we'll MAKE it THROUGH
'cause YOU have ME and I have YOU
we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE
and EVen MORE left YET to SPARE

for LATer CHILdren YET to COME
we'll MAKE a HAPPy LOVing HOME
and WE will GO toGEther THERE
we HAVE unENDing LOVE to SHARE

Arana Darkwolf

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
Posts 5635
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

47 posted 11-03-2009 01:27 AM

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When darkness filled my window pane
And shadows flickered through my brain
The memories returned to tease
They mocked me that I could not please

I did not know you were not sane
When darkness filled my window pane
You lurked and cowered in the night
You stole far more than was your right

I waited when the lights went out
Your whisper shot out like a shout
When darkness filled my window pane
So quietly you’d call my name

I hated you when all would sleep
The secrets I was taught to keep
Thoughts of you are all that remained
When darkness filled my window pane

-

Alison

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48 posted 11-03-2009 09:36 AM

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Welcome back, Alison!

Very nicely done although you lost the meter on the second to last line. The rest is exact

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
Posts 5635
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

49 posted 11-03-2009 10:24 AM

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You know, I thought that was squirrley.

---

When darkness filled my window pane
And shadows flickered through my brain
The memories returned to tease
They mocked me; I could not appease

I did not know you were not sane
When darkness filled my window pane
You lurked and cowered in the night
You stole far more than was your right

I waited when the lights went out
Your whisper shot out like a shout
When darkness filled my window pane
So quietly you’d call my name

I hated you when all would sleep
The secrets I was taught to keep
In nightmare moments you remained
When darkness filled my window pane

-

Alison

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