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Passions in Poetry

Kyrielle Me A River!

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rachaelfuchsberger
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25 posted 10-03-2009 03:46 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

I will attempt this new form, but I may need a while as I have just discovered that my girlfriend may have breast cancer. The needle biopsy is scheduled for next Friday, so I will update with more info as I get it. The mammogram showed a star-shaped mass, and the doctor says there's no garauntee that it IS breast cancer, but it doesn't look good, especially considering her family history of breast and ovarian cancers.

Arana Darkwolf

Alison
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26 posted 10-03-2009 04:00 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I'll be thinking of you both, Rachael.  Sometimes it helps me to write out my fears in poetry. I had a biopsy a couple of years ago and it was a scarey, lonely time.  I am glad that you are there to support her.

Hang in there.
Love
Z
rachaelfuchsberger
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27 posted 10-03-2009 04:20 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Thank you, Z. I'm researching information, but also holding on to the hope that the biopsy results will show it to be benign. It's going to be a rough ride for a while, and I appreciate your support, Z.

Much love

Arana Darkwolf

rachaelfuchsberger
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28 posted 10-03-2009 04:36 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

I'm not good with iambic, so I tried it in trochaic:

I have JUST had QUITE the SCARE
LIFE is JUST not BEing FAIR
WAIting FOR a REAL anSWER
IS it REALly BREAST canCER

LOVE and HOPE are HOLDing ON
MY partNER just CAN'T be GONE
DOCtor LOOKS like A lanCER
IS it REALly BREAST canCER

I am TIred AND nerVOUS
ASking FOR the GODS to BLESS
HOPing FOR a GOOD anSWER
IS it REALly BREAST canCER

Arana Darkwolf

Earth Angel
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29 posted 10-03-2009 04:49 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Rachael, fortunately most biopsies turn out to be benign tumors. May you and your partner hold onto that thought. However, because of her family history, there is some added concern. I will keep her in my prayers ~ and you as well.

Keep writing your thoughts and feelings down. That is what poets do.


Linda
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30 posted 10-03-2009 04:53 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Balladeer ~

I have posted "Four Seasons" (Kyrielles and Kyrielle Sonnets by EA & Alison from the pw) in Open. Here is the link
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum110/HTML/002460.html

Thank you!


LL
rachaelfuchsberger
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31 posted 10-03-2009 06:10 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Thank you, Linda. I'm appreciative of all the support I can get right now.

Arana Darkwolf

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32 posted 10-03-2009 07:22 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Rachel, I also send my best wishes to your friend and hope all turns out well for her. I can understand how you are so concerned and upset over it, being something neither you or her have any control over. It's a helpless feeling, I know.

I appreciate your effort here with all that on your mind. Try again when you are able to concentrate more, ok?
rachaelfuchsberger
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33 posted 10-03-2009 07:53 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Will do. It's just rough right now. Needle biopsy next week will give us more info.

Arana Darkwolf
rachaelfuchsberger
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34 posted 10-07-2009 09:25 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

I tried again...in trochaic

I'M so SCARED for YOU and I
I'M not REAdy FOR good BYE
WE have BEEN toGEther LONG
LOSing YOU would FEEL so WRONG

I am SCARED that IT is TRUE
THEY will TELL us THAT it GREW
IT is HARD to JUST stay STRONG
LOSing YOU would FEEL so WRONG

MAYbe IT will BE beNIGN
AND my FEAR is MISalIGNED
I am TRYing TO be STRONG
LOSing YOU would FEEL so WRONG

Arana Darkwolf

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35 posted 10-07-2009 10:48 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Atta girl, Rachel! This is so much better and you paid a lot of attention to the construction.

There is only one change I would make...

IT is HARD to JUST stay STRONG

It would be a  little difficult for the reader to put the emphasis on IT. To be sure they would do so, I'd change it to..

It's so hard to just stay strong

Otherwise, I think it's great. Well done...
rachaelfuchsberger
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36 posted 10-10-2009 02:01 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Thank you, Balladeer. I will make the change. As for the song writing, in the next assignment, it's not my strong suit, but, as always, I'll try.

Arana Darkwolf

Elias Nevermore
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37 posted 10-10-2009 05:08 PM       View Profile for Elias Nevermore   Email Elias Nevermore   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elias Nevermore

The bright-eyed glare of newborn sun
hides the dark till the morn is done.
As light soothes all feelings of hate,
mankind tries to escape its fate.

The hollow man will raise his hand
to ask why he is made of sand.
He then sinks under sunlight's weight
Mankind tries to escape its fate.

The newborn masses seek to find
a light that truly makes them blind.
All man can see is this world's hate.
Mankind tries to escape its fate.



"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;" -Edgar All

[This message has been edited by Elias Nevermore (10-11-2009 02:33 AM).]

rachaelfuchsberger
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38 posted 10-10-2009 10:29 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Elias, I like this one, but there are 2 lines that just aren't flowing well for me...

"breaks through darkness till morn is done."

"Sunlight sinks him under its weight."


I could be wrong, but I don't quite think those lines flow correctly with the iambic meter you have going on here. Of course, I am but a humble student myself. Perhaps our teacher will be able to shed more light on the matter.


Arana Darkwolf
 
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