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Passions in Poetry

Put a Hexsonneta on Me!!!!

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Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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Bewilderment , USA


25 posted 09-30-2009 11:14 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Place a hex on this poem
turn its meter around
twist it until it sounds
like it's so far from home
it was written by gnomes
from the poem underground

work it like rented mules
see how far you can go
Anapest? maybe so
use a few different tools
break a couple of rules
and you're done, don't ya know!

Then just run it by "Deer"
like you've nothing to fear!
Balladeer
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26 posted 09-30-2009 02:30 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

LOL! Well, you've certainly broken the rules on this one, Doc. You have  mashed meter mercilessly....intentionally, I have no doubt.

Nice example!
Earth Angel
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27 posted 09-30-2009 03:30 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Oh, my deer Moosie One, I love the sense of hoomah of you two cervine creatures! lol

Hmmm, you've given me an idea, Doc!!! Next time I 'murdalize' the meter of a poem, I'll simply say I did it on purpose to get a laugh! Mind you, I know your's WAS intentional. Mine would actually be a case of inept writing!


LL
Dr.Moose1
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28 posted 09-30-2009 04:30 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Lol, sorry couldn't resist. Btw, I posted a real one in open "Halloween Hexsonnetta", I'd give you the link but I'm not good at that stuff.
Doc

EA,
Lol, as Nan used to say,"you gotta know the rules before you can break 'em", otherwise it's just a mistake. Fun stuff.
Doc
Balladeer
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29 posted 09-30-2009 05:34 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

First time I've seen autumnal used in  poem...I LIKE it!

Actually I looked up the pronounciation, not being sure if it was iambic or not...and it is. How could I have doubted you???
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
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30 posted 10-01-2009 08:38 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Ty Maestro,
You do tend to inspire us to put forth our best efforts.
Doc
Alison
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31 posted 10-01-2009 03:42 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison


CORRECTED IN POST #33

Relentless winds sing shrill.
Spruce trees are dwarfed in twists
and towards the south they list.
Upon the windy hills
the air is never still.
It bathes the day in mist.

Smooth rocks now wind-swept bones;
once set by Divine hands,
they scatter ‘cross the lands
where the ghosts of Mammoth roam.
In winds, they seek their home
and gather spectral bands.

Its needs can not be filled -
this wind that shrieks and trills.

-

Alison

I am not loving this poem, but I am kick starting myself back into the swing of things.

xoxoxo


[This message has been edited by Alison (10-01-2009 07:09 PM).]

Dr.Moose1
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32 posted 10-01-2009 06:59 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,
I'm liking the picture, with but two exceptions. Second stanza, lines two, and four, both break meter, but hey, then again, this ain't my job, and I could very well be wrong.
Doc
Alison
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33 posted 10-01-2009 07:11 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thank you, Doc.  I hope this cleans it up.

A

---

Relentless winds sing shrill.
Spruce trees are dwarfed in twists
and towards the south they list.
Upon the windy hills
the air is never still.
It bathes the day in mist.

Smooth rocks, now wind-swept bones,
were brushed with silty sands;
then worn smooth ‘cross the lands
where ghosts of Mammoth roam.
In winds, they seek their home
and gather spectral bands.

Its needs can not be filled -
this wind that shrieks and trills.

-

Alison
Earth Angel
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34 posted 10-01-2009 08:08 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Alison! You're back!!! Missed you!

Fantastic imagery and atmosphere in your poem! I could almost hear the ghosts of mammoths thundering across the tundra!

~ and oh, the wind!!! Love the wind!


LL
Dr.Moose1
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35 posted 10-01-2009 10:14 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,
I do believe you've got it, by Jove, but as I said, 'tis not my forum, I'll await the official ruling.
Doc
Alison
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36 posted 10-01-2009 11:42 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thank you both - and, Linda, I have missed you too.



Now ... I wait for the final decision of our beloved teacher.

xoxoox
Alison
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37 posted 10-02-2009 10:58 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I did this one too, dear Balladeer (#33).

Thanky kindly, Oh wise one.

xoxoxo
A
Balladeer
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38 posted 10-02-2009 04:19 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Moose, you are right on both counts. The lines WERE out of sync that you quoted and the correction DID clear them up....nicely done by both of you.
Amberzlynnc
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since 08-24-2010
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New Jersey


39 posted 08-27-2010 10:42 PM       View Profile for Amberzlynnc   Email Amberzlynnc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Amberzlynnc's Home Page   View IP for Amberzlynnc

I entered knowing what
His expectations were.
Though not what I'd prefered,
Did not think I'd go nuts.
Now I'm stuck in a rut..
I thought this might occur.

So why did I agree?
I'm usually so shy,
But something in his eyes
Convinced me to believe
He'd see difference in me.

He saw me just the same.
To him, love's just a game.

*Amber

Alison
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40 posted 11-18-2010 02:29 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Did it again because .. I thought I hadn't done it ... oh well, I am rusty.



Slammer Dogs


My Abby is not bright
I found her in the pound
She was a run-around
Soft eyes keep me in sight
And shine with pure delight
While in her love I drown

Now Stuart is too smart
He tried to jump his bail
It shocked him when he failed
He has a loyal heart
But needed a new start
I sprung him from that jail

I keep my dogs from plight
They keep me warm at night

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (11-18-2010 03:15 AM).]

Balladeer
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41 posted 11-18-2010 05:07 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Alison!!!  You've come back! Hallelujiah!!!!

Love the way you put the hex on me. The rhyme scheme, syllable counts and meter are perfect.

HOWEVER, since the teacher is a nit-picker from way back (as you well know), there are two lines I don't care for....and I'm sure you know what they are.

while in her love I drown
I keep my dogs from plight

Yes, they are correct sentences but drowning in a dog's love? And, unless the neighbor's dog is named Plight, I have a hard time with that one. It gives the impression you wanted to get the darn thing finished so you came up with a quick rhyming word and threw it in. Of course, if you feel those are quality lines, that's fine with me.

possibilities?

I love this love I've found
I love her loving sound.

My dogs are my delight
I shield them from fights


Just ramblin'  
Alison
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42 posted 11-18-2010 10:56 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Yep, I am back and know that I missed a number of assignments.  I'll be looking around and catching up.

Here's the second draft -- and I agree with you.

--

Slammer Dogs


My Abby is not bright
I found her in the pound
A picked up run-around
She flirted late at night
And danced with dog delight
… but not with any hound.

Now Stuart’s very smart
He tried to jump his bail
(it shocked him when he failed)
But, Abby stole his heart
And they will never part
That girl sure hooked her male.

Those puppies are all right
In fact, they’re dynamite!

-

Alison


Balladeer
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43 posted 11-18-2010 11:09 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

...and that, ladies and gentlemen, is called persistence leading to perfection.

I like it!
Alison
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44 posted 11-18-2010 11:18 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thank you, dear friend of mine.  It's good to be back!

AlCowie
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since 05-13-2011
Posts 90
London, UK


45 posted 05-14-2011 08:43 PM       View Profile for AlCowie   Email AlCowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit AlCowie's Home Page   View IP for AlCowie

d'Dum, d'Dum, d'DAY,
d'Dum, d'Dum, d'BEE,
d'Dum, d'Dum, d'BEE,
d'Dum, d'Dum, d'DAY,
d'Dum, d'Dum, d'DAY,
d'Dum, d'Dum, d'BEE,

I need some sleep!

I should be going to bed
I must arise too soon
But I can see the moon
Anaemic, underfed
Rests ghostly overhead
A lonely, pale baloon

So
I'll write another verse;
This site's made an addict
of me - I might predict
My widened universe
Is new space to traverse
Where I'll, my mind, inflict

(sounds like a threat, but it's just what rhymes!)
 
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