Me and My Shadow (Sonnet) - pipTalk Forums

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 08-16-2009 11:36 PM

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The Shadow Sonnet was created by Amera M. Andersen, may be written in any sonnet style.
The Shadow takes place at the beginning and ending of each line as the words are identical or
homophonic. Since all poetry was originally meant to be sung or recited out loud, homophonic
words are acceptable, these are words that sound alike such as “see and sea”. (Rules: 14 lines,
9 or 10 syllables per line. Iambic pentameter is not
necessary.)
Spirit to Spirit

So many things have turned my spirit so.
Yet I do resist and yield to it yet.
Know that I give my strength for you to know.
Forget you? Nay, I shall never forget.

Left with my sandpaper dreams since you left.
Love lies in my spirit, for you my love.
Theft of your presence is not spirit theft.
Above all my dreams, I hold you above.

You now have returned, I knew it was you.
Waiting so long as my heart was waiting;
few have returned, yet you're one of the few.
Aching for you as my soul was aching.

War takes so many; yet, you've beaten war.
Door of my spirit, come enter my door.

Copyright © 2007 Amera M. Andersen

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (08-17-2009 08:14 AM).]

crosscountry83
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since 07-30-2009
Posts 201
Trying to save myself

1 posted 08-17-2009 12:20 AM

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Whoa I don't quite understand the meter your talking about (I still need to study)so I probably won't attempt this one. I'll be here too see other's though.

Rileigh

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 18027
Between the Lines

3 posted 08-17-2009 07:33 AM

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"The poem should have a volta or pivit"

Can you explain the above since looking it up in search got me nowhere?

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (08-17-2009 08:40 AM).]

Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 21235
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 08-17-2009 08:14 AM

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CC83, there was no specific meter discussed. you may use the one of your choice, as long as the sentences are 9-10 syllables long.

Marc-Andre....of course there is feedback. This is a workshop

Maureen...beats me about the volta. The pivit I have to assume was a misspelling of pivot. As you can see in the example, half of the poem was about feelings when someone was gone and the second half about feelings after they returned. We don't really need to ass such a stipulation to this exercize, though, and I'll remove that requirement. Thank you...

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2769
Bewilderment , USA

5 posted 08-17-2009 08:44 AM

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Riliegh,
I believe what "Deer " meant by "Iambic is not necessary" is shown by the example he picked. 1st line, iambic ( da Dum da Dum etc ) 2nd line, definately not iambic, 3rd line, iambic, 4th line, definately not iambic, and so on.
Doc

Marc,
Your sarcasm is understandable, but I'm guessing it's just been an oversight on Balladeers' part. With the exception of Nan, he's about the only one here with the skills to give meaningful critique to poetry on your level unless maybe Pete were to drop in.
Doc

Nakd,
I'll take a stab at this one. the "volta" in poetry refers to a turning point or "pivot". The "pivit" Balladeer refers to
is the result of eye fatigue or fat fingers
on the keyboard.
Doc

I see while I was composing this Balladeer
beat me to the post. Oh well, Michael, Marc has posted under some other topic here in the shop, and apparently you missed it, hence his question.
Doc

Balladeer
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Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21235
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

7 posted 08-17-2009 09:09 AM

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Thank you, moose. I missed the sarcasm part and will look for his posts.

Aha...I so see where I has missed you, Marc-Andre. Unfortunately, real life raises it's head once in a while and, if a thread goes through the day without my seeing it and disappears off the today's topics list, I may miss it altogether. It's nothing personal. I've always admired your work.

For you, or anyone else who has submitted entries without comment, please use the e-mail icon and let me know and I assure you I will find it and respond. No omission of response is personal. It just happens sometimes when my computer time is limited. I'm not like Ron, who has nothing to do but sit in front of the computer and play

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 18027
Between the Lines

8 posted 08-17-2009 10:34 AM

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giving it a try:

Last to Last

No standing by, the answer was "no".
He left for another, she for he.
So aloneness becomes this one so.
Free to be me, now rose colored free.

There is only one and you were there.
To support in need when needed to.
Where once was loving, love left to where?
Blue the feelings, in a life of blue.

Years to remember, bottled up years.
Heart filled with always, taking my heart.
Tears once battled, now empty of tears.
Depart for new, it's time to depart.

Past is forgiveness, to stay the past.
Last words are mine, you won't be my last.

M

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
Posts 4981
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

9 posted 08-17-2009 10:40 AM

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Wow, Maureen. I am impressed.

Mark,

I know it's frustrating to feel like your work is 'overlooked' - but you know you said it once, you said it twice ... let's not rewrite Chicken Soup and Rice.

Marc-Andre
Member
since 12-07-2008
Posts 487

10 posted 08-17-2009 12:06 PM

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I apologise for the sarcastic tone. I'm glad to see the workshop alive and moving again

I'm rather busy as I'm working on poems for an upcoming first publication (experimental and ultra-modernist poetry) but I'll try to catch up on the assignments here.

Of course, Balladeer will received some published thanks as I've promised before 8)

Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

11 posted 08-17-2009 03:38 PM

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Very nice, Maureen! You stuck to the rules perfectly and created a very nice piece indeed. Can't say I'm thrilled about the "she for he", though.

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 18027
Between the Lines

12 posted 08-17-2009 06:11 PM

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well what can I say...he left me and she left someone for "he"~~~well that was then and was the best I could come up with ... but I don't believe it suits my style

hmmm or did you mean you didn't like the she for he instead of proper English as ...she for him...or did you think he left me for a she then left her for a he...darn now even I am confused !!!
sighing~~

M

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 18027
Between the Lines

14 posted 08-17-2009 06:47 PM

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laughing here...I agree, but it is very hard to use the same words at the beginning and end and make sense too... like I said, it isn't my cup of tea ( and I don't even like tea)

rachaelfuchsberger
Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 272
Las Vegas, NV, USA

15 posted 08-17-2009 08:20 PM

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Ok, so it IS required that SOME form of meter be used, but not necessarily iambic?

Arana Darkwolf

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2769
Bewilderment , USA

17 posted 08-18-2009 02:41 PM

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"Not so" says he " I'll not give in, I'll not!"
No shadow form will better me, oh no!
Begone impediments to this, begone !
Go forth to plague some other poet, go!

Fight fair or not I'll not give up the fight.
Oppose me only if you'd dare oppose
one who's acquired the name of being one
knows how to beat you forms in shape, and knows,

Wars shouldn't be fought for sake of fighting wars.
Games played for their own sake are merely games.
Mix up the two and you'll be in a mix,
same as it's always been, the same old same.

Fools set on doing battle made for fools,
choose wisely what the outcome is you'd choose.

Balladeer
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Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21235
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

18 posted 08-18-2009 02:49 PM

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I knew it would be no problem for you, moose man. I think you need an extra assignment to test your mettle.

Do it again....this time use homophonic words instead. If you can do that, I'll forgive you for the spitballs!

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2769
Bewilderment , USA

19 posted 08-18-2009 03:38 PM

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ARRRGH!

Not that the seaman did it all for knot
or paddled up the creek without an oar
We're not supposed to say he found a weir
bored as 'e was an' all with bein' a-board

E's just a man o' leisure at 'is ease
Peas porridge hot 'is hunger would appease
seize on the fact he's sailed the seven seas
parties it down, this man is not part tease!

Terns laugh at him and dive bomb taking turns
Fair fights? no one will opt to pay their fare
Days past have seemed to put him in a daze
Bear witness now do not strip this man bare

Dear me, it would appear it's Balla"deer"
'pears 'e's been poked about some by 'is peers!

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (08-18-2009 05:24 PM).]

rachaelfuchsberger
Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 272
Las Vegas, NV, USA

22 posted 08-18-2009 10:11 PM

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Crap...I think I did it wrong....my rhyme scheme ended up aabb ccdd ee. But I got it in Trochaic meter. Is that acceptable?

WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE
GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE
WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN
WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN

I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY
I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY
YOU bring ME up WHEN i’m FEELing BLUE
TRUE is WHAT i’ll ALways BE to YOU

FATE has SET us ON each OTHer’s PLATE
GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE

Arana Darkwolf

rachaelfuchsberger
Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 272
Las Vegas, NV, USA

24 posted 08-18-2009 10:51 PM

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k....try this one...aabb ccdd eeff gg

WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE
GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE
WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN
WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN

I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY
I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY
YOU bring ME up WHEN i’m FEELing BLUE
TRUE is WHAT i’ll ALways BE to YOU

FATE has SET us ON each OTHer’s PLATE
GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE
GAMES are PLAYED in LOVE’S beLOVed NAME
MAIM my HEART oh LOVEly FATEful GAME

ONE day WHEN you SUDdenLY are GONE
WONT i’ll BE to JOIN you THERE beyOND

Arana Darkwolf

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