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Passions in Poetry

Me and My Shadow (Sonnet)

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Balladeer
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0 posted 08-16-2009 11:36 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

The Shadow Sonnet was created by Amera M. Andersen, may be written in any sonnet style.
The Shadow takes place at the beginning and ending of each line as the words are identical or
homophonic. Since all poetry was originally meant to be sung or recited out loud, homophonic
words are acceptable, these are words that sound alike such as ďsee and seaĒ.  (Rules: 14 lines,
9 or 10 syllables per line.  Iambic pentameter is not
necessary.)
Spirit to Spirit

So many things have turned my spirit so.
Yet I do resist and yield to it yet.
Know that I give my strength for you to know.
Forget you? Nay, I shall never forget.

Left with my sandpaper dreams since you left.
Love lies in my spirit, for you my love.
Theft of your presence is not spirit theft.
Above all my dreams, I hold you above.

You now have returned, I knew it was you.
Waiting so long as my heart was waiting;
few have returned, yet you're one of the few.
Aching for you as my soul was aching.

War takes so many; yet, you've beaten war.
Door of my spirit, come enter my door.

Copyright © 2007 Amera M. Andersen

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (08-17-2009 08:14 AM).]

crosscountry83
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1 posted 08-17-2009 12:20 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Whoa I don't quite understand the meter your talking about (I still need to study)so I probably won't attempt this one. I'll be here too see other's though.

Rileigh
Marc-Andre
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2 posted 08-17-2009 03:54 AM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Would the pieces being submitted receive any feedback?
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


3 posted 08-17-2009 07:33 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

  "The poem should have a volta or pivit"

Can you explain the above since looking it up in search got me nowhere?  

M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (08-17-2009 08:40 AM).]

Balladeer
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4 posted 08-17-2009 08:14 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

CC83, there was no specific meter discussed. you may use the one of your choice, as long as the sentences are 9-10 syllables long.

Marc-Andre....of course there is feedback. This is a workshop

Maureen...beats me about the volta. The pivit I have to assume was a misspelling of pivot. As you can see in the example, half of the poem was about feelings when someone was gone and the second half about feelings after they returned. We don't really need to ass such a stipulation to this exercize, though, and I'll remove that requirement. Thank you...
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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5 posted 08-17-2009 08:44 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Riliegh,
I believe what "Deer " meant by "Iambic is not necessary" is shown by the example he picked. 1st line, iambic ( da Dum da Dum etc ) 2nd line, definately not iambic, 3rd line, iambic, 4th line, definately not iambic, and so on.
Doc

Marc,
Your sarcasm is understandable, but I'm guessing it's just been an oversight on Balladeers' part. With the exception of Nan, he's about the only one here with the skills to give meaningful critique to poetry on your level unless maybe Pete were to drop in.
Doc

Nakd,
I'll take a stab at this one. the "volta" in poetry refers to a turning point or "pivot". The "pivit" Balladeer refers to
is the result of eye fatigue or fat fingers
on the keyboard.
Doc

I see while I was composing this Balladeer
beat me to the post. Oh well, Michael, Marc has posted under some other topic here in the shop, and apparently you missed it, hence his question.
Doc
Oklahoma Rose
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6 posted 08-17-2009 08:52 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Now, I ought to be able to do this one, if iambic pentemeter isn't required. LOL! I'll see what I can do.
Balladeer
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7 posted 08-17-2009 09:09 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thank you, moose. I missed the sarcasm part and will look for his posts.

Aha...I so see where I has missed you, Marc-Andre. Unfortunately, real life raises it's head once in a while and, if a thread goes through the day without my seeing it and disappears off the today's topics list, I may miss it altogether. It's nothing personal. I've always admired your work.

For you, or anyone else who has submitted entries without comment, please use the e-mail icon and let me know and I assure you I will find it and respond. No omission of response is personal. It just happens sometimes when my computer time is limited. I'm not like Ron, who has nothing to do but sit in front of the computer and play
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
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Between the Lines


8 posted 08-17-2009 10:34 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

giving it a try:


Last to Last


No standing by, the answer was "no".
He left for another, she for he.
So aloneness becomes this one so.
Free to be me, now rose colored free.

There is only one and you were there.
To support in need when needed to.
Where once was loving, love left to where?
Blue the feelings, in a life of blue.

Years to remember, bottled up years.
Heart filled with always, taking my heart.
Tears once battled, now empty of tears.
Depart for new, it's time to depart.


Past is forgiveness, to stay the past.
Last words are mine, you won't be my last.


M
Alison
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9 posted 08-17-2009 10:40 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Wow, Maureen.  I am impressed.

Mark,

I know it's frustrating to feel like your work is 'overlooked' - but you know you said it once, you said it twice ... let's not rewrite Chicken Soup and Rice.

Marc-Andre
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since 12-07-2008
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10 posted 08-17-2009 12:06 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

I apologise for the sarcastic tone. I'm glad to see the workshop alive and moving again   I'm rather busy as I'm working on poems for an upcoming first publication (experimental and ultra-modernist poetry) but I'll try to catch up on the assignments here.

Of course, Balladeer will received some published thanks as I've promised before 8)
Balladeer
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11 posted 08-17-2009 03:38 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Very nice, Maureen! You stuck to the rules perfectly and created a very nice piece indeed. Can't say I'm thrilled about the "she for he", though.
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
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12 posted 08-17-2009 06:11 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

well what can I say...he left me and she left someone for "he"~~~well that was then and was the best I could come up with ...  but I don't believe it suits my style  

hmmm or did you mean you didn't like the she for he instead of proper English as ...she for him...or  did you think  he left me for a she  then left her for a he...darn now even I am confused !!!
sighing~~

M
Balladeer
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13 posted 08-17-2009 06:42 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

LOL! No, I was referring to the fracturing of the English language, not the gender bender stuff
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
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14 posted 08-17-2009 06:47 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

laughing here...I agree, but it is very hard to  use the  same words at the beginning and end and make sense too... like I said, it isn't my cup of tea ( and I don't even like tea)


M
rachaelfuchsberger
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15 posted 08-17-2009 08:20 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Ok, so it IS required that SOME form of meter be used, but not necessarily iambic?

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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16 posted 08-17-2009 09:53 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

That's right, miss
Dr.Moose1
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17 posted 08-18-2009 02:41 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

"Not so" says he " I'll not give in, I'll not!"
No shadow form will better me, oh no!
Begone impediments to this, begone !
Go forth to plague some other poet, go!

Fight fair or not I'll not give up the fight.
Oppose me only if you'd dare oppose
one who's acquired the name of being one
knows how to beat you forms in shape, and knows,

Wars shouldn't be fought for sake of fighting wars.
Games played for their own sake are merely games.
Mix up the two and you'll be in a mix,
same as it's always been, the same old same.

Fools set on doing battle made for fools,
choose wisely what the outcome is you'd choose.
Balladeer
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18 posted 08-18-2009 02:49 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I knew it would be no problem for you, moose man. I think you need an extra assignment to test your mettle.

Do it again....this time use homophonic words instead. If you can do that, I'll forgive you for the spitballs!
Dr.Moose1
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19 posted 08-18-2009 03:38 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

ARRRGH!

Not that the seaman did it all for knot
or paddled up the creek without an oar
We're not supposed to say he found a weir
bored as 'e was an' all with bein' a-board

E's just a man o' leisure at 'is ease
Peas porridge hot 'is hunger would appease
seize on the fact he's sailed the seven seas
parties it down, this man is not part tease!

Terns laugh at him and dive bomb taking turns
Fair fights? no one will opt to pay their fare
Days past have seemed to put him in a daze
Bear witness now do not strip this man bare

Dear me, it would appear it's Balla"deer"
'pears 'e's been poked about some by 'is peers!

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (08-18-2009 05:24 PM).]

Balladeer
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20 posted 08-18-2009 07:47 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer



I surrender...you da man, er, moose!
Oklahoma Rose
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21 posted 08-18-2009 08:39 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Um teacher, sir, I'm having second thoughts on doing this one.
rachaelfuchsberger
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22 posted 08-18-2009 10:11 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Crap...I think I did it wrong....my rhyme scheme ended up aabb ccdd ee. But I got it in Trochaic meter. Is that acceptable?

WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE
GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE
WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN
WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN

I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY
I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY
YOU bring ME up WHEN iím FEELing BLUE
TRUE is WHAT iíll ALways BE to YOU

FATE has SET us ON each OTHerís PLATE
GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE



Arana Darkwolf
rachaelfuchsberger
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23 posted 08-18-2009 10:19 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

grrr!!! it's not enough lines!!! back to the drawing...writing...board.

Arana Darkwolf

rachaelfuchsberger
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24 posted 08-18-2009 10:51 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

k....try this one...aabb ccdd eeff gg

WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE
GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE
WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN
WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN

I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY
I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY
YOU bring ME up WHEN iím FEELing BLUE
TRUE is WHAT iíll ALways BE to YOU

FATE has SET us ON each OTHerís PLATE
GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE
GAMES are PLAYED in LOVEíS beLOVed NAME
MAIM my HEART oh LOVEly FATEful GAME

ONE day WHEN you SUDdenLY are GONE
WONT iíll BE to JOIN you THERE beyOND

Arana Darkwolf

 
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