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Passions in Poetry

Help Me, Rondel!!!

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Balladeer
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0 posted 08-03-2009 04:18 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


The rondel is a cute and tricky little French form consisting of 13 lines: two quatrains and a quintet, rhyming as follows:
ABba abAB abbaA. The capital letters are the refrains, or repeats. See what you can do with this one!


Example:

A Rondel for Margarita

On the carousel, on a summer's day,
As the rest of the fairground goes gliding by,
We coast together, now low, now high,
But how quickly the moment slips away.

She laughs at the music, elfin and fey,
She laughs for joy at the sapphire sky,
On the carousel, on a summer's day,
As the rest of the fairground goes gliding by.

How sweet her delight in simple play,
Someday, without me, she'll take to the sky,
Brave little fledgling, ready to fly.
We must hold these moments while we may
On the carousel, on a summer's day.

Copyright © 2004 Gail Kavanagh

Dr.Moose1
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1 posted 08-03-2009 01:10 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

'gainst radiant bright golden fields
heads lifted towards a smiling sun
the magic of a moment's spun
all serious demeanor yields

Though for a time has lain concealed
a transformation has begun
'gainst radiant bright golden fields
heads lifted towards a smiling sun

Disarmed as several thousand shields
sway gently as in unison
you cannot help but smile as one
the flower armys' power's revealed
gainst radiant bright golden fields
Earth Angel
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2 posted 08-03-2009 01:22 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Hey, Doc, it's intimidating having to follow your fine Rondel!!! You always set a high standard! Oh, well, I have a brave heart.

Leave Me Not

Leave me not, my Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve.  
~ For thy absence would lead to my utter demise..  
Stand close by my side. ~ Let there be no good-byes.    
Savour my favours, for unto thee I shall cleave.  

Your soul speaks the truth and dares not deceive.  
Please listen to reason, for to depart is unwise.  
Leave me not, my Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve.      
~ For thy absence would lead to my utter demise.      

Unto thee Iíll be open to embrace and receive.    
There be no reprisals or tears in mine eyes.
I beseech thee, dear knight, to see past this guise.  
~ For together new heights, we both will achieve.  
Leave me not, my Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve.

LLD


[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-03-2009 10:09 PM).]

crosscountry83
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3 posted 08-03-2009 01:48 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Ohh sounds challenging, and I want to try, but what's the difference between capital and non capital letters for the rhyme pattern?

(Edited) Geez I really need to read closer... it was right there, in the instructions!  But who reads instructions?

[This message has been edited by crosscountry83 (08-03-2009 06:19 PM).]

Dr.Moose1
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4 posted 08-03-2009 03:57 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

EA,
Many thanks for your kind words m'lady, 'twas never my intention to intimidate, howe'er, if this be the case per'aps Sir Balladeer woulds't be so kind as to place your fine offering ahead o'mine
thus placing the intimidation on me, lol.
Doc

CC83,
Maybe I can help with that.
The lines designated with capital letters
are repeated verbatim throughout the poem.
The lines designated with lower case letters
share ending rhymes. Hope this helps,oh and welcome to Passions and the workshop.

Doc

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (08-03-2009 09:41 PM).]

Earth Angel
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5 posted 08-03-2009 04:20 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Dear Doctor, ye be genteel, chivalous ~ and ever so sweet.

~ Thank you, kind sir! However, this maiden poetess shall duly remain in the wake of thy lofty waves.


EA
crosscountry83
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6 posted 08-03-2009 05:32 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

An inadequate but worthwhile attempt.  I at least learned something...

We swore we'd be friends forever and ever,
We said that always, with no delay.
Thought we only, of "today,"
The best of all times we had together.

Then split our paths for separate endeavors,
But still our friendship never decayed.
we swore we'd be friends for ever and ever,
We said that always, with no delay.

Time pulled our distance further and further,
when my my friend had to move away.
Then we found a friendship can fray.
we still wouldn't be friends with just whoever,
we swore we'd be friends forever and ever.

Rileigh
Oklahoma Rose
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7 posted 08-03-2009 09:10 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Oh Dr. Moose, I try and try to keep up with you, since I can't keep up with Balladeer, but it just seems almost impossible for me to do. Maybe I should just put down my writing pen?
Dr.Moose1
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8 posted 08-03-2009 09:49 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

EA,
Lol, my thanks again.
Doc

CC83,
I rarely critique in this forum as it's not my job,
but since this fell in between two other postings
my only comment would be to check your meter as I feel it's not consistent,that and the double word post which was obviously a typo.I felt you adhered well to the format and I liked the subject matter.
Doc


Oklahoma Rose,
Perish the thought , and I do mean that literally. You've made much progress, it would be a shame to let it go at this point.
When I first started posting here I made innumerable mistakes ( and sometimes still do )it's all part of the learning process.
All you need is the desire to write, the rest will follow.
Doc
Oklahoma Rose
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9 posted 08-03-2009 11:20 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Well Dr. Moose, I do have the desire to write. I just get real frustrated with myself.
brneyedgrly
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10 posted 08-03-2009 11:43 PM       View Profile for brneyedgrly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brneyedgrly


just sayin' hi guys...

~too busy with real life to participate now and hoping that the gold star I got in the mail will count as extra credit?

some how?...    

shel
crosscountry83
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11 posted 08-04-2009 01:04 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Yeah, I know, I just started writing poetry 5 or so days ago, and I've never been very good at it... So I know I have a lot to work on, thanks for the input!

Balladeer said the same thing, I must be really off...!

Rileigh
Balladeer
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12 posted 08-04-2009 09:25 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ah, Moose, you are a master indeed, not only in your construction but in the ideas you come up with. You had me standing in the field, watching the flowers opening to begin a new day....excellent.
Balladeer
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13 posted 08-04-2009 09:41 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Angel, I love you theme, too. It's just the meter that keeps giving you a problem, although it is much better than before.

The majority of you poem in anapestic and sounds good, except in the areas where it deviates.  In the first stanza, first line begins anapestic, second line anapestic, third line iambic and fourth line trochaic. You need to plan a rhyme scheme in the same way you plan the words and make them consistent.

Balladeer
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14 posted 08-04-2009 09:43 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

CC83, for a new beginner to poetry, you are doing very well. Yes, you also need work on the meter but that will just take a little study. I suggest you look up our past lessons dealing with the different types of meter and study them....keep up the good work!
Earth Angel
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15 posted 08-04-2009 10:02 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Ooops! Oh, deer, I did all that? I'll have to look up those terms! lol
I knew the meters were different but I liked the varied rhythm and how they sounded ~ as if I was actually speaking the words. I followed the 'recipe' for the rhyme scheme, but there was no mention of having to use a specific meter or whether one had to be followd at all, so I thought I could do as I pleased.

Thank you for reading and critiquing!


LL

Dr.Moose1
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16 posted 08-05-2009 08:12 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Lol, hardly a "master" but I'll take the compliment. The wife and I were out for a drive and came across two fields of sunflowers, one on each side of the road. Had to stop the car and just enjoy the incredible beauty of twenty of so acres of five ft. tall sunflowers, heads tilted towards the sun in a brilliant blue sky. I defy anyone to stand there and not smile if for no other reason than thinking of the other cars whizzing by, their occupants completely
clueless as to what our "problem" was, two "idiots" standing in the middle of nowhere grinning from ear to ear. End of story.
Doc
Alison
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17 posted 08-05-2009 11:19 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Doc,

I saw a field like that a few years ago.  Now I want to grow a field of sunflowers.  I stand around on the side of roads when the geese fly into the fields in the fall.  I love cold, crisp mornings and hearing the geese.  I could stand there for hours.

Thank you for the early morning smile.

Alison
Balladeer
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18 posted 08-05-2009 12:00 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Doc, nothing man can create can ever be as beautiful as nature itself. You captured it very well.

Angel, I really like the poem and the discrepancies are minor. I read it out loud and it sounds good....I'm just a nit-picker
Earth Angel
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19 posted 08-07-2009 02:44 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Okay, I rolled up the sleeves of my 'vestments' and did some tweaking. Now the meter is consistent throoughout the entire poem. Now it is totally in anapest. ~ At least I think it is!

Leave Me Not

Leave me not, dear Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve.
~ For thy absence wouldst lead to mine utter demise.
By mine side, may ye stand. ~ Let there be no good-byes.
I shall bare all to thee ~ as to thee I shall cleave.

Thy soul speakeths the truth and dares not to deceive.  
Dare ye listen to reason? ~ To go is unwise.
Leave me not, dear Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve.
~ For thy absence wouldst lead to mine utter demise.

Unto thee Iíll be open to hold and receive.    
There will be no reprisals or tears in mine eyes.
I beseech thee, dear knight, to see past this disguise.  
~ For together new heights, we shall surely achieve.  
Leave me not, dear Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve.

LLD
Alison
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20 posted 08-08-2009 12:33 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Balladeer,

If you were not a "nit picker" we would not be trying to do our best and then push one more time (or two more times, or three more times ... or ... well, you know what I mean).  Your nit picking is pushing us on.  Please, keep on picking the nits.



Alison
Earth Angel
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21 posted 08-08-2009 07:10 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

B & A ~

I knew that monkeys were "nit-pickers" ~ but deer?!? lol


LL
Alison
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22 posted 04-06-2011 12:57 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Ack another!

Alison
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23 posted 04-08-2011 09:09 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Alison's Addiction

Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind
Fuel desire to make my heart race
Kidnap me from a mundane grind
Nothing ever will take your place

All can see that for you I pine
Satisfaction, your kiss will grace
Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind
Fuel desire to make my heart race

Such addiction wraps like a bind
Oh! Hide my need and leave no trace
Ice cream bar crumbs cover my face
Many kinds remain to taste and find
Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind

-

Alison
Alison
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24 posted 04-09-2011 12:23 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Boop-boop-ba-doop



I did a make-up assignment.

 
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