Member Rara Avis
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
Okay, not to beat a finished poem to death - but, I was driving home and thinking about the fact that I wanted to change the pronoun to "she" as it is about my Mom. I also was not happy with the last line - I thought it fizzled a bit. When I read the poem out loud after making my changes, I think the second to the last line was wrong.
I think it looks like this:
aNOTHer SIT down CUP of TEA SUNday
so I changed that line, the last line, the pronoun and the first "mittens" to the word "patterns".
Would you check it out one more time, please?
Another Sunday-sit-down cup of tea
The kids play games; the bread loaves slowly bake
The smell of ginger tea and yeast is freed
She thinks about the patterns still to make;
A strand of purple yarn falls off her knees.
As windy air sends autumn to the lake
The days, now short, become much longer nights
Itís time for mittens, scarves and woolen tights.
The birch leaves turn a muted gold with grace
And skies now frame the world in vivid blue
While icy, fall air longs to chill her face
It frosts the breath, to reach from hat to shoes
The window panes are tatted with fine lace
Designs on frosted glass, etched art to view
Another Sunday-sit-down-sipping day
She drinks the warmth to keep the cold at bay
[This message has been edited by Alison (08-11-2009 01:20 AM).]