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Passions in Poetry

Sherlockian Challenge #2

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Balladeer
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0 posted 07-20-2009 11:51 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 – 1950)

Recuerdo

We were very tired, we were very merry—
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry.
It was bare and bright, and smelled like a stable—
But we looked into a fire, we leaned across a table,
We lay on a hill-top underneath the moon;
And the whistles kept blowing, and the dawn came soon.

We were very tired, we were very merry—
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry;
And you ate an apple, and I ate a pear,
From a dozen of each we had bought somewhere;
And the sky went wan, and the wind came cold,
And the sun rose dripping, a bucketful of gold.

We were very tired, we were very merry,
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry.
We hailed "Good morrow, mother!" to a shawl-covered head,
And bought a morning paper, which neither of us read;
And she wept, "God bless you!" for the apples and pears,
And we gave her all our money but our subway fares.
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
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Between the Lines


1 posted 07-20-2009 12:39 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

"And we gave her all our money but our subway fares"
Balladeer
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2 posted 07-20-2009 01:21 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Yep, that is definitely one....but there are a ton of them. As far as proper construction is concerned, this poem is a mess. Find the others and then try to find how the lines could be better-constructed. form-wise.

Actually, I have her complete works in my library and I enjoy her work. I just don't expect to find good meter or rythm in them. Her poetry is basically meant to be read, I think, where the reader can jury-rig the sentences to make them sound good.
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


3 posted 07-20-2009 01:43 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

that's me, I  like to jury-rig them to sound smooth

M
rachaelfuchsberger
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4 posted 07-20-2009 02:33 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

And you ate an apple, and I ate a pear

It's missing a syllable.

Arana Darkwolf

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5 posted 07-20-2009 11:45 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Actually, Rachel, that is one of the few good lines, meter-wise
rachaelfuchsberger
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6 posted 07-21-2009 02:10 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

I think I got confused because it has one less syllable than the previous line.

Arana Darkwolf

 
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