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Passions in Poetry

Me Terzanelle - You Game??

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Balladeer
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0 posted 07-20-2009 08:12 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

This one is fairly challenging and not required homework....just extra credits and gold stars


The Terzanelle is a poetry type which is a combination of the villanelle and the
terza rima forms.  It is a 19-line poem consisting of five interlocking triplets/tercets
plus a concluding quatrain in which the first and third lines of the first triplet appear
as refrains. The middle line of each triplet is repeated, reappearing as the last line
of the succeeding triplet with the exception of the center line of the next-to-the-last
stanza which appears in the quatrain. The rhyme and refrain scheme for the triplets
is as follows:

1. A
2. B
3. A

4. b
5. C
6. B

7. c
8. D
9. C

10. d
11. E
12. D

13. e
14. F
15. E

Ending Type 1:

16.  f
17.  A
18.  F
19.  A

Ending Type 2:

16.  f
17.  F
18.  A
19.  A

Each line of the poem should be the same metrical length.


September

September, drifting in with glow of moon,
You stifle Summer’s ardor. . . and she grieves.
In guise of fire, then Fall comes all too soon.

Your breath grows cool.  You’ll blow and loosen leaves.
The hills and woodlands will reflect new hues.
You stifle Summer’s ardor. . . and she grieves.

In Autumn’s chill, the colors are a ruse.
For as you pass, the trees are set ablaze.
The hills and woodlands then reflect new hues.

Though warmth may linger through your final days,
old Sun is waning, yet he still seems strong!
For as you pass, the trees are set ablaze.

September, you’re a melancholy song.
Though time be short, you paint a brilliant dusk!
Old sun is waning, yet he still seems strong.

October looms. . . Your ending will be brusque.
September, drifting in with glow of moon,
though time be short, you paint a brilliant dusk.
In guise of fire, then Fall comes all too soon.

Copyright © 2006 Andrea Dietrich
Oklahoma Rose
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1 posted 07-20-2009 08:34 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Is this one done with iambic pentemeter, or tetrameter?
Balladeer
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2 posted 07-20-2009 08:36 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Whatever you choose, Rose, as long as it's constant.
Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
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3 posted 07-20-2009 09:19 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Ok! I will see what I can do.
Earth Angel
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Realms of Light


4 posted 07-20-2009 11:04 AM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

"Me Terzanelle - You Game?? "

~ You're one clever Dude, Tarzan!

When I get my ropes together, I'll give it a swing!



JANE
Earth Angel
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5 posted 07-20-2009 03:00 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Well, I gathered my ropes and was swinging from tree to tree in my attempt at writing this Terzanelle, dear TARZAN! JANE

Standing Strong
  
When skies are gray and clouds block out the sun,
I know beyond the clouds the sky is blue.
With hopefulness in heart, each days begun.

From my thoughts, new realities are spun.
I live my life with honesty and grace.
I know beyond the clouds the sky is blue.

My mirror shows a smiling, friendy face.
With thankfulness, I start each brand new day.    
I live my life with honesty and grace.

I know Gods angels guide me on my way.
There is no mountain top that I can't climb.
With thankfulness, I start each brand new day.    

I live each day not wasting precious time.
I'm standing strong. ~ Try never to be weak.
There is no mountain top that I cant climb.  

Each word is given care before I speak.  
When skies are gray and clouds block out the sun.
I'm standing strong. ~ Try never to be weak.
When skies are gray and clouds block out the sun.

LLD


[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-21-2009 11:21 AM).]

Balladeer
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6 posted 07-21-2009 09:08 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Wow, Linda....I am beyond  impressed. This is a magnificent piece of work. Not only did you follow the many rules involved, you did so with excellent construction and meter.

There is only one suggestion I would make..
In my mirror ~ reflects a friendly face.
I would change that since it is choppy and deviates from the smooth flow you had created. Maybe something like "My mirror shows a smiling, friendy face" or something along those lines.

Btw, I asked Cheetah for his opinion of your poem and Ithink he likes it. Don'ttake any wooden grapevines!

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


7 posted 07-21-2009 09:32 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
My turn to take a couple of percocets and a valium or three. I'll be back with the results.
Doc
Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
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Realms of Light


8 posted 07-21-2009 11:29 AM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Thank you, Balladeer, for the nice comments and for your suggestion. That Was the one line that I laboured the most over. I kept rewiriting it and now it's perfect, thanks to your expertise.It would be nic to have an editor to carry around in my pocket ~ or perhaps I could make a backpack made-to-measure! Mind you, your antlers weil have to hang out.

Thank you ~ and the chimp!

Have a great day,

LL
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


9 posted 07-21-2009 02:46 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

Share the Truth With Me

What's meant to be, with You and I,
As time goes by, my heart in hand?
The sun shall rise, with moon in sky.

Each day shall come, while here I stand
To help you make it through the years,
As time goes by, my heart in hand.

With less the shedding of the tears
While crossing over shadows' hold
To help you make it through the years.

Allowing feelings to unfold
For trusting, listening with your heart
While crossing over shadows' hold.

Those paths we take, sometimes apart,
Therein, the lessons to be learned
For trusting, listening with your heart.

Those storms will pass when winds have turned.
Therein, the lessons to be learned.
What's meant to be, with You and I...
What's meant to be, with You and I?
M

( p.s. listening is  spoken as list'ning..if that is permitted)

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (07-22-2009 04:57 PM).]

brneyedgrly
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since 06-08-2009
Posts 1126
nowhere and everywhere


10 posted 07-22-2009 12:36 AM       View Profile for brneyedgrly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brneyedgrly


m

your writing is beautiful

shel

brneyedgrly
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11 posted 07-22-2009 12:38 AM       View Profile for brneyedgrly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brneyedgrly


i'm thinking moose took too many percocets...he never takes this long on an assignment

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


12 posted 07-22-2009 01:42 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

He's trying to avoid eraser cleaning detail.


Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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Bewilderment , USA


13 posted 07-22-2009 12:38 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Beset by sweaty palms and prone to fits
'twas obvious I had some malady,
the truth of this I've pondered quite a bit.

Which led me down to the infirmary,
perhaps I'd caught some funky kind of flu
'twas obvious I had some malady.

In backless gown and funny paper shoes,
most surely this was quite a sight to see.
Perhaps I'd caught some funky kind of flu.

Turns out it was a writers' allergy
brought on by certain forms of poetry.
Most surely this was quite a sight to see.

Thus reasoning to let some formats be
should well outdo a valium or three
brought on by certain forms of poetry.

This combo which 'bout brought me to my knees,
beset by sweaty palms and prone to fits
should well outdo a valium or three
the truth of this I've pondered quite a bit.


Balladeer
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14 posted 07-22-2009 01:32 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Maureen, list'ning is fine and works well. The poem itself is pure excellence, as are all of your assignments.  

You may have gotten confused at the ending, though. The last two lines of the quatrain are the first and third lines of the first stanza, as in villanelle form. The other acceptable ending is the second and fourth lines of the ending quatrain are the forst and third lines of the first. Perhaps that's what you meant to do....?


AACKKK!!! I see now that Earth Angel also stumbled there! She may have led you down the wrong path....she can do that to one!
Balladeer
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15 posted 07-22-2009 01:41 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

....and a moose shall lead them.

Excellent, Doctor....and you got the ending right. Valiums and percocets aside, you're no dope. Nicely done...


nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


16 posted 07-22-2009 04:41 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts


I took the 2nd ending of your directions, I thought:
f
F
A
A


16.f-Those storms will pass when winds have turned
17.F-Therein, the lessons to be learned
18.A-What's meant to be, with You and I...
19.A-What's meant to be, with You and I?


hmmm...was I wrong there?

I'm confused now...  

ah I just looked the definition up elsewhere and discovered this explanation:
F second f
A repeat first a
F repeat first f
A repeat second a

that would have been easier to understand sorry....when I saw
A
A
I thought it meant to repeat the same line...

I shall try another later as this one  already wore me out and when I tried to change it, it didn't make as much sense.

M
brneyedgrly
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17 posted 07-22-2009 07:05 PM       View Profile for brneyedgrly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brneyedgrly


moose

outstanding!!

~of course...'deer is the boss~



brneyedgrly
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Posts 1126
nowhere and everywhere


18 posted 07-22-2009 07:08 PM       View Profile for brneyedgrly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brneyedgrly




i see i didn't read all the way down

'deer already gave approval

in that case...OUTSTANDING!!


Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


19 posted 07-22-2009 07:23 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I am working on it .. but am just too tired to get it work right now.  I'll try later.

brneyedgrly
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since 06-08-2009
Posts 1126
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20 posted 07-22-2009 07:29 PM       View Profile for brneyedgrly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brneyedgrly


ali

that's cause you stay up too late!!

i know  



~i'm tired too...and tryin' to create a comedic smoke~screen so no one notices my lack of participation~  


Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


21 posted 07-23-2009 07:51 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Thanks. I've got to say the forms that stress the repetitive lines are my least favorite. Although I've read many that are excellent pieces of work (imho) they all become rather tedious. Kinda reminds me of having to write over and over again on the blackboard ( I will not... etc.)
Doc

Brneyedgrly,
Lol, nope, just trying to get it right. These things take a lot of effort for me, and I'm never really happy with the results.
Doc

Alison,
Lol, looks like I dodged the cleaning detail
on this one. Better get a move on, I hear last one in gets that job.
Doc
Oklahoma Rose
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Posts 1585
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22 posted 07-23-2009 08:59 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Linda, looks like you are catching on real good.

Maureen, as always, yours is great.

Dr. Moose, I didn't think you had trouble with any of these forms.

Alison, we better get busy. We are falling behind. Especially ME! Looks like Brneyedgrly is about to join us on putting off on the assignments. I am sure you two will get it, before I do. LOL!
Oklahoma Rose
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Posts 1585
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23 posted 07-24-2009 08:03 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Well darn, I just can't seem to get started.
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


24 posted 07-24-2009 09:51 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Oklahoma Rose,
Lol, actually they all require a considerable amount of concentration, making it look easy is another story. I'm not sure how long you've been involved with poetry but, I've been at this roughly fifteen years and still enjoy the challenge. There's always something new to learn. We're fortunate to have found this site and the wonderful people here. Keep at it as your time allows, the rewards are well worth the effort.
Doc
 
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