A Little Rispetto, if you please

brneyedgrly
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25 posted 07-19-2009 03:08 PM

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~thanks my sweet rose

where is that master of meter anyway?

this is a 24/7 workshop here...no sundays off!

Balladeer
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26 posted 07-19-2009 06:56 PM

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Sunday is golf day, lady, and don't ever forget it!!!

btw, the meter in your pice is perfect...not one syllable out of place.

Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
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27 posted 07-19-2009 08:26 PM

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Hey Shellie, I told you it was good, didn't I? You go girl!

We will never forget his golf day, again. Will we?

brneyedgrly
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nowhere and everywhere

28 posted 07-19-2009 08:41 PM

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no, susie...no we won't...

not unless we want 'F's on our assignments

you're excused teacher...sundays only!!

Alison

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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

29 posted 07-20-2009 12:55 AM

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Summer Suffocation

The air is still; it�s muggy hot
The clouds look bruised as they hang low
Then thunder volleys breaking shots
As windows frame a lightning show

The sky now casts an eerie glow
While clouds are thick and there's no rain
There�s only stifling heat that grows
And batters at the window panes

-

Alison

Alison

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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

30 posted 07-20-2009 11:14 AM

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Places this on the top of the paperwork pile so our teacher will see that I did it - and, hopefully, it passes.

Balladeer
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31 posted 07-20-2009 11:34 AM

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You did it and you did it well, my absent Alaskan!

Beautiful....

rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
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32 posted 07-20-2009 01:59 PM

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~fidgets with jewlery, wondering if maybe her submission was overlooked~

Arana Darkwolf

Alison

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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

33 posted 07-20-2009 05:01 PM

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Thank you, oh magnificent teacher.

Rachael,

I think sometimes the pile of papers gets too high for even our esteemed Balladeer to keep track of. You might want to repost it on the thread here for his convenience.

Email me if you ever want to just talk about struggles in meter and such. God knows, I cried a river on this board.

My IM is snowy_nightowl@hotmail.com if you want on it.

Take care and keep working on the poetry.

A

rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
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34 posted 07-20-2009 05:35 PM

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Thanks, Z. I'll add you on Windows messenger.

Please, Sir. Can I Have Some More?

Perhaps my friend Oliver Twist
Needs help to let his voice project
If he wants them to hear his list
Whenever he asks with respect

Sir Balladeer will you help me
My meter is missing the beat
My rhyming needs nothing else more
But meter seems to be a chore

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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35 posted 07-21-2009 08:57 AM

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Hey, Arana! I'm sorry! Yes, I missed it completely....I'll try not to let it happen again!

I'm off to work but I'll be back later. There are three places in your poem where the meter is off.....find them

rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
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36 posted 07-21-2009 03:00 PM

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I think I found them...

"Perhaps my friend Oliver Twist"
"Whenever he asks with respect"
"My meter is missing the beat"

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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37 posted 07-21-2009 06:45 PM

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Two out of three ain't bad, Rachel! "Whenever he asks with respect" is fine...."My rhyming needs nothing else more" is not.

rachaelfuchsberger
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38 posted 07-21-2009 06:59 PM

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WhenEVer he

Is that where that one fell apart?

Arana Darkwolf

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39 posted 07-22-2009 05:17 AM

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You misunderstood, Rachel. That line is acceptable. My rhyming needs nothing else more" is not.

rachaelfuchsberger
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40 posted 07-22-2009 01:42 PM

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ohh! oops!

My rhymING

Arana Darkwolf

Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
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Oklahoma USA

41 posted 07-22-2009 05:41 PM

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Balladeer my friend, I changed he word and that one line. Did I get it right this time, or not?

Balladeer
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42 posted 07-22-2009 08:17 PM

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Absolutely, Rose....it flows like honey and is just as sweet

Oklahoma Rose
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43 posted 07-23-2009 08:56 PM

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Awwww, thank you, Balladeer. I will try to get the next one right on the first try.

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
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Realms of Light

44 posted 08-11-2009 05:19 PM

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I enjoyed writing my first Rispetto so much that I decided to write another one. I hope I did the 'da DUM's correctly.

The Clown

It�s sad to see a laughing clown,
~ Who's smiling with unhappy eyes.
There is a face that wears a frown,
~ Behind the paint and clown disguise.

He wears his heart upon his sleeve.
And lives in world of make-believe.
His smiling face belies his woe.
~ But life goes on and so must show.

LLD

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-12-2009 02:03 PM).]

crosscountry83
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since 07-30-2009
Posts 196
Trying to save myself

45 posted 08-12-2009 12:38 AM

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So many responses I hope mine doesn't get overlooked in the massive stack of papers!

Seems not I am the only one,
who struggles much throughout the day,
my war with meter's never done,
so learn I must before I play.

I try again, but it's not fun.
My learning quest is never done.
Oh, why can't I just get it right?
Then I could rest and say "good night."

Rileigh

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
Posts 4974
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

46 posted 08-12-2009 12:49 AM

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Linda,

That's so beautiful and you are so talented.

xooxxo
A

Rileigh,

I love how you spell your name. Don't get too discouraged or give up. I am living testament to the fact that this can be learned. I was just like you, fighting to learn, frustrated to no end, and just trying to improve. You can win this meter battle. Yep, you can and will.

Hugs to you

Alison

crosscountry83
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since 07-30-2009
Posts 196
Trying to save myself

47 posted 08-12-2009 12:59 AM

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thanks, Yep, I'll just have to keep trying. I just have to see if Balladeer can help me fix it.

Rileigh

crosscountry83
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since 07-30-2009
Posts 196
Trying to save myself

48 posted 08-12-2009 12:55 PM

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It appears I made a mistake with the rhyme scheme. Here's my revision:

Seems I am not the only one,
who struggles much throughout the day,
my war with meter's never done,
so learn I must before I play.

I try again, but it is tough.
My learning quest is always rough.
Oh, why can't I just get it right?
Then I could rest and say "good night."

*sigh*

Rileigh

Balladeer
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49 posted 08-12-2009 01:32 PM

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Nothing wrong with that one, sir! The meter and flow are perfect. I would change the first line to "Seems I am not the only one" but,otherwise, it's fine...everything right on the money!

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