Time for an Etheree(al) Challenge!

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Time for an Etheree Challenge! [ Page: 1 2 3 ]

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Time for an Etheree(al) Challenge!

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 06-08-2009
Posts 768
nowhere and everywhere

25 posted 07-05-2009 12:01 PM

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~hello, mr. balladeer...

i am kind of new here at pip and have been having fun cart~wheeling through this playground : )  i have this free~verse spirit that i sometimes try to tame and so i thought that i would try some of your challenges.  i would love your opinion before posting the following.  the first is an acrostic (wrong thread, i know,  but since i have your attention...lol) i also have an etheree to offer.

questions concerning the acrostic:
is it okay to leave the first letter of each line uncapitalized?  i just don't like how it presents and reads with capitals...also, i like how it looks with each word (wearing a woman's skin) separated by a line space, however, this doesn't necessarily correspond with the breaks when reading it...your opinion?  should it all run together?

and i would just like approval on the etheree... thanks for your input : )

~shellie
*
*
*
*
wearing a woman's skin (acrostic)

wardrobe change,
each girl layer
a memory on the floor,
refashioning of
inseams and ideas,
nude garment of
gypsy impulses,

allowing myself to

wear my worth,
opened buttons down my back,
metamorphosis,
arrival of freedom wings,
needing the cling of this
silky, sheer

siren's gown,
knowing i've found myself
in the fit of this
new skin
*
*
*
*
love and the ways it is used... (etheree)

trust
soul~mates
holding hands
please marry me
for better or worse
i would never hurt you
i will love you forever
from now until the end of time
i love you unconditionally
i wouldn't leave you in a million years

you will not compromise with me at all
it's your way, all the way, or no way
if i don't like it i can leave
counseling...no, you wouldn't
wow, did you just hit me
i want a divorce
living alone
adjusting
heart~break
grief

hope
spirit
lessons learned
carrying on
granting myself grace
learning to love myself
creating new goals and dreams
protecting all of my treasures
being someone better than before
refusing to lay down and die...ever

~thanks  : )

Balladeer
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

26 posted 07-05-2009 07:37 PM

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Hi, Shellie....welcome to the workshop. Nice to meet you

As far as your questions are concerned, no, it is not necessary to capitalize beginning letters of a line. Actually, and especially in free verse, it is more common not to.

As far as the line spacing to co-ordinate the seperation of the acrostic in the right places, in free verse you can get away with it, because free verse doesn't have any rules! (that's why some people just LOVE free verse!). In rhymed poetry it would look inappropriate.

Btw, both of your exercises are VERY well done and you are a welcome addition to the site. I hope you enjoy your stay!

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 06-08-2009
Posts 768
nowhere and everywhere

27 posted 07-05-2009 11:51 PM

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~thank you so much, mr balladeer, for your advice and for thinking them well done

and it's nice to meet you, too!

shellie

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 02-28-2008
Posts 1232
Oklahoma USA

28 posted 07-19-2009 11:01 PM

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Another attempt at an Etheree!

He�s
Master
Of meter
Gentle and kind
As he tries to teach
He�s ready and willing
Never giving up on us
Letting us have the time we need
He is the master of meter who�s
Allowing us to go at our own pace

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39208
Realms of Light

29 posted 07-20-2009 03:18 AM

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Sue, how could Balladeer not like your Etheree? It's got his name written all over it!

~ Oh, and btw, I totally concur!

LL

Balladeer
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

30 posted 07-20-2009 07:59 AM

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Ah, Rose, you are unstoppable! You will keep working and trying to do things right...and that's a wonderful trait. Your perserverance and determination should be inspiring to all and I salute you for them.

As far as the poem is concerned, you followed the rules to the letter and your ehteree is goodtome. Nicely done!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39208
Realms of Light

31 posted 07-20-2009 10:58 AM

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Hey Sweet Sue! You impressed our teacher! Congrats on your Etheree!
Now here is my shot at writing one.

Lost & Found

Lost,
alone,
feeling blue.
Sobbing on bed
over lost love, true.
There�d been no clue or sign,
Now love�s a bottle of wine.
Like a cuckoo, away he flew.
Tho� days are long ~ the nights are longer.
~ Drowning my sorrows in alcohol brew.

When doorbell rang, I rose up from my bed.
Thoughts of him spun around in my head.
Opened the door and there he stood,
as I�d been hoping he would.
I was under his spell,
Into arms I fell.
I felt sheer bliss,
with his kiss.
~ Lost love,
Found.

LLD

Alison

Member Ascendant
since 01-27-2008
Posts 5056
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

32 posted 07-20-2009 11:20 AM

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Yay, Sue!

Kisses & Hugs,
A

Alison

Member Ascendant
since 01-27-2008
Posts 5056
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

33 posted 07-20-2009 11:22 AM

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Linda,

I love your story. Great job!

A

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39208
Realms of Light

34 posted 07-21-2009 09:31 PM

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Thank you, Alison. I hope Etheree with its hodge-podge of free verse and odd-beat rhyme schemes are acceptable to Master B.

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 06-08-2009
Posts 768
nowhere and everywhere

35 posted 07-22-2009 12:30 AM

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sue and linda

both of your poems are great

etherees are such fun and i think allison said it best when she said it was like fitting the pieces of a puzzle (at least it was for me!)

shel

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 02-28-2008
Posts 1232
Oklahoma USA

36 posted 07-22-2009 08:58 AM

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I'm leaving this to the Master. I guess he is busy, Linda. Don't worry, he'll be here. I think he will like it.

Thank you, Alison! I tried.

Thank you, Shellie! You do very well with this Etheree.

Balladeer
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

37 posted 07-22-2009 01:08 PM

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Ah, earthy angel. I love your participation here, love your enthusiasm and love your friendship.....just don't love that poem.

You got the syllable counts right but at the expense of quality. You can do a whole lot better!!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39208
Realms of Light

38 posted 07-22-2009 02:16 PM

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Now why did I know that you wouldn't be crazy over my etheree. ~ I was experimenting with parts in free verse and parts in rhyming couplets to mix it up a bit. Does an etheree have to be totally one or the other ~ or is a 'mixed bag' a cardinal sin? lol My free verse just happens to rhyme at time! lol

Rondeaux et Rispettos work much better with my style. I doubt I'll ever be writing another etheree because, they seemed too forced. I might take another stab at this one ~ but then again, I may not.

Thanks for reading it, Master Meterist.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39208
Realms of Light

39 posted 07-22-2009 02:33 PM

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Okay, I'm back. I can't stand things left half-baked. So I just whipped this one up.
~ and in free verse.

Here's attempt #2.

Sad,
am I.
~lost, alone,
with head hung low
My love flew away
with some yellow-haired chick
They both deserve each other.
I am closing my heart and arms.
for he is persona non gratta
With wings spread wide, I soar above dark clouds.

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-22-2009 03:39 PM).]

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39208
Realms of Light

40 posted 07-22-2009 02:57 PM

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Now I'm actually enjoying writing etherees! I hope I writing them correctly now! Here's another attempt.

I�m
heading
for the sea.
I�ll be diving
into cools waters
to wash away all cares
and stresses from my work day.
Sunshine restores my energy.
Refreshed and renewed I�ll return to
the four confining walls and ringing phones.

LL

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39208
Realms of Light

41 posted 07-25-2009 11:23 PM

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Well, dear Teacher, I made two more attempts at writing an Etheree. I hope they are better than my first one. If not, I'll be back to write a fourth.

Balladeer
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

42 posted 07-26-2009 12:51 AM

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Excellent, Angel....both of those are very well written and you didn't fudge a bit.

I knew you would be back to get it right....and you did!

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 06-24-2004
Posts 3806
OH

43 posted 08-09-2009 09:18 PM

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Deer Dear,

   I loved your challenge, and THAT it became.  A challenge!  I mixed up the rhyme a bit, and found myself in a mess; hope it's fixed!  Ok...  Here goes...



           Eh?
           Were you
      There with me
        In my presence,
       I, unknowingly,
        of your distant essence?
         Tribulations where exceed
        my ability to cross fence;
                  While distressed by the future�s  dress code,
         is it through you, my implosions let vent?

       Are you the one who sifts smoke from heart�s sky,
         Buckets the water,  wagons the load,
           Moving clouds for sun to commence?
           Do you move about freely
           in drive to dispense with
           my tears discreetly,
           granting presents?
           Unknowing,
            I�ve been.
              Yes?

Balladeer
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

44 posted 08-09-2009 09:31 PM

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Nicely done, miscellanea. The only things I would go against are the phrases "did exceed" and "did vent". Earth Angel can tell you how I feel about using did unnaturally to get your poem to conform to rules or meter. it's a no-no!

Otherwise, it reads very well and is quite original. Good going!

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 06-24-2004
Posts 3806
OH

45 posted 08-09-2009 09:35 PM

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Thanks for your kindness in response, as well as that Balladeer honesty!

I'll revise. Any better?

Thanks for your input, BTW.

`miscellanea~

Elias Nevermore
Member
since 11-03-2007
Posts 120

46 posted 08-25-2009 07:36 PM

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Leave
the man
with the gun
in his right hand
for he does not know
what his actions entail.
If he does pull the trigger,
not only will someone be killed,
but his soul shall be plunged into the
torturous pits that await him in hell.

[This message has been edited by Elias Nevermore (08-25-2009 08:25 PM).]

Balladeer
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

47 posted 08-25-2009 08:07 PM

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Very good, Elias. Your line that should contain 9 only has 8, but the rest of it works fine.

Elias Nevermore
Member
since 11-03-2007
Posts 120

48 posted 08-25-2009 08:26 PM

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thank you balladeer.

I edited the poem, so the mistakes you pointed out should be fixed.

Alison

Member Ascendant
since 01-27-2008
Posts 5056
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

49 posted 08-25-2009 10:18 PM

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Hey Elias, welcome to the workshop. I like the poem.

Alison

All times are ET (US)


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