Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
Hello, Johan. Welcome to the workshop. This forum is to follow the assignments given with regards to different lessons, not to post poems that are not connected to a specific assignment. Be that as it may, the poem has received several replies so I will leave it here. The software indicates it is your "first post" and yet your record shows 88 originating posts so perhaps Ron can shed some light on that. At any rate, your profile states you do not want critiques on your work but this posted in a forum that is run by critiques so you will get one.
You followed the scheme of the villanelle very nicely. With the exception of the middle line in the second stanza you got the syllable counts right. As Nan pointed out however, there is an inconsistency in the meter, changing from trochaic to iambic to anapestic in several places, which takes away from the fluidity of the piece. If you are able to come up with a consistent meter, you will find that it will flow much better. In the line "Steer your ship toward the Bill's lightning tree", what exactly does Bill refer to? If it is a specific person, then I don't understand why you say "the Bill's". Perhaps it has a different meaning?
Thanks again for the post and we hope to see you in the workshop in the future.