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Passions in Poetry

Let the Triples Roll On!!!

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Balladeer
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0 posted 04-27-2009 10:58 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


Another form that has it's base lodged in the employment of triples is the often hated and much maligned villanelle. The villanelle consists of five triples followed by a quatrain to end the poem. Writing a villanelle is not difficult but making a villanelle interesting, is, based on the amount of times sentences must be used. One needs two very strong lines to pull it off. The most popular villanelle ever written was "Do Not Go Gently into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas. Aside from that one, you need to search far and wide to come up with one that has captured the public's attention and admiration.

The rules are fairly simple. In the five triples, the first line of the poem also becomes the third line of the second triple, and the third line of the fourth triple. The last line of the first triple also becomes the last line of the third triple and the  last line of the fifth triple. All middle lines of the triples must rhyme.  In the closing quatrain, the rhyme scheme is a-b-a-a, where the second line rhymes with the middle lines of the triples and the first and third lines of the first triple become the third and fourth lines of the quatrain. Sounds easy enough, no?

I wrote this poem as an explanation of how villanelles are constructed...


The first line always goes right here

You must choose well each clever word

The third line's here - now, ain't that clear?


The first lines now that will appear

Rhyme with 1st stanza's first and third

The first line always goes right here.


All middle lines must rhyme, my dear,

Although it may sound quite absurd

The third line's here - now, ain't that clear?


Five 3-line stanzas shall appear

With rhymes in place as was inferred

The first line always goes right here.


One 4-line verse brings up the rear

The proper style is now insured

The third line's here - now, ain't that clear?


So take it from the Balladeer

Of villanelles you now have heard

The first line always goes right here

The third line's here - now, ain't that clear?

Now  that you have the rules down, let's see what you can do...
Balladeer
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1 posted 04-28-2009 02:26 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ready to grade!

moonbeam
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2 posted 04-28-2009 04:11 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Temporal illusion

Resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast,
awake from ether years that tick away,
no now, no then, no later and no last.

To you who sit and comfortably fast
and vainly wait for morrow's fattening day,
resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast.

To those who suck dry marrow of the past,
throw down the dusty bones, arise and say
no now, no then, no later and no last.

And you who glut on certainty must cast
beyond the present garnish, and then may
resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast.

Spurn paltry centuries and stand not aghast
while little minutes seem to go astray,
no now, no then, no later and no last.

Let me but glimpse a lie so old and vast,
then armed in understanding light I pray,
resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast.
No now, no then, no later and no last.
Grinch
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since 12-31-2005
Posts 2710
Whoville


3 posted 04-28-2009 04:27 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch

The world can see the tears within my eye
Your gift my love, a symbol of the fall
But they donít know the reason why I cry.
Some men may guess deceit and whisper why
My pain could hinge upon my loss but all
The world can see the tears within my eye

They may see pride, a blindfold to the lie
That sent me like a beggar to the wall
But they donít know the reason why I cry
Myself to sleep, but maybe if theyíd try
They'd prove that with a sigh so small
The world can see the tears within my eye

I fell so quick, so low, from way up high
They only see a fool curled in a ball
But they donít know the reason why I cry,
That when you died I wished that I could die,
That you, and only you, could make me whole
The world can see the tears within my eye
But they donít know the reason why I cry.

(L5 S2 Rhyme scheme fixed - it was:

To empathise, theyíd prove that with a sigh)

[This message has been edited by Grinch (04-29-2009 03:40 AM).]

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


4 posted 04-28-2009 04:29 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
This is much better than "the dog ate it".
I posted one here a little after 2:00 p.m. today, but was using my wifes' computer as my
wireless router is on the fritz. Needless to say as my wife is not a member, that post went careening off into cyberspace. "No problem " you say, " just repost " Lol, nope, I ran it through the  paper shredder. Btw, I enjoyed your clever
poem about the form and will post something
as soon as I piece one together.
Doc

moonbeam,
Excellent stuff, going back for a re-read.
Doc

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (04-28-2009 05:50 PM).]

Grinch
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since 12-31-2005
Posts 2710
Whoville


5 posted 04-28-2009 05:50 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch


The dog did eat mine, unfortunately he threw it back up again - thatís my excuse and Iím sticking to it.

Klassy Lassy
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since 06-28-2005
Posts 2181
Oregon


6 posted 04-28-2009 07:43 PM       View Profile for Klassy Lassy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Klassy Lassy

You are so good!   )  I don't think I know how to count, what goes here, there, the meter amount.  But I am here by hook or crook--you write the magic and I'll just look.

Love villanelles.  
Balladeer
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7 posted 04-28-2009 08:01 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

moonbeam, I'm beginning to think you're a natural. You picked a good topic, good repeating lines and the structure was exact...a very nice piece of work.

grinch, you had good lines and even managed to insert a little mystery into it which was not revealed until the end. That is an excellent trait for a villanelle and not easy to do. I would give you as high a mark as moonbeam except you blew the rhyme scheme in the middle line of the fourth triple. Still very good work...

Thank you both for joining in...
Grinch
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since 12-31-2005
Posts 2710
Whoville


8 posted 04-29-2009 03:35 AM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch

You mean the dog blew it, it was perfect when he ate it!

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


9 posted 04-29-2009 07:55 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

....and still people call them man's best friend. Go figure!
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


10 posted 04-29-2009 11:47 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Whatever else that it might be
I'm quite concerned for Balladeer
When it comes down to poetry

He seems to be obsessed with three
Some cult has brain-washed him I fear
Whatever else that it might be

Or maybe colonoscopy
Somehow got head confused with rear
When it comes down to poetry

Performing a lobotomy
Just how it came about's unclear
Whatever else that it might be

With each new possibility
All jokes aside from what I hear
When it comes down to poetry

One must conclude inevitably
That Balladeer is without peer
Whatever else that it might be
When it comes down to poetry
Marc-Andre
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since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


11 posted 04-29-2009 01:03 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble,
To the Gulag camp we go.
Carrion burns and hubble bubble.

Working in snow-covered rubble
Happy to escape death row;
Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble.

Donít believe reporter Hubbel,
Better here than on skid row.
Carrion burns and hubble bubble

Drunk on vodka, seeing double
Guards make girls run to and fro
Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble.

Bolsheviks here sport a stubble
Theyíre too cold to be gung ho;
Carrion burns and hubble bubble.

Glasnost: yet donít burst their bubble,
Speak your mind, but speak it low.
Rouble, rouble, toil and trouble;
Carrion burns and hubble bubble.



[This message has been edited by Marc-Andre (05-01-2009 10:41 AM).]

Marc-Andre
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since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


12 posted 05-01-2009 08:07 AM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Had some issues editing here...all fixed now.

[This message has been edited by Marc-Andre (05-01-2009 11:04 AM).]

Johan
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since 05-13-2009
Posts 88
Lincolnshire, England U.K.


13 posted 05-13-2009 07:07 AM       View Profile for Johan   Email Johan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Johan

Hi Balladeer, I have just posted a Villanelle, hope you enjoy it.

Johan
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


14 posted 05-15-2009 02:16 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Orchestrating Spring


Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom
Sandhill cranes easily join the show
Geese sing loud songs, honking out of tune

Strident sunshine smothers winterís gloom
Solo voices soar with golden glow
Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom

Frozen rivers compose sonic booms
Flowing water hums as channels grow
Geese sing loud songs, honking out of tune

Slender branches rattle witches broom
Needles whisper as the west winds blow
Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom

Vibrant flowers clutter forestís room
Graceful shimmy weaving to and fro
Pussy Willow purr while Dogwoods bloom
Geese sing loud songs, honking out of tune

-

Alison
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


15 posted 05-15-2009 02:29 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

You know, I have been playing with this assignment since it was put on the board - and I have read everyone's postings.  I learned from each of you - admired the vast array of styles within such a structured form of poetry and learned from each one.

Thank you for sharing as you all do - and for plugging along with me.

A
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


16 posted 05-15-2009 06:46 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,
And a fine spring concert it is.
Doc
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


17 posted 05-15-2009 11:00 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Doc,

Thank you.  Now I want to try to learn to write humor - your poem made me laugh even as I saw your respect and affection for our esteemed teacher.  

You make me smile - and, Gol Darnit (my Mom wouldn't let me say that when I was little - substitution for the real thing, you know ) - and, Gol Darnit!, I love how you write!

A
Suncleaver
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since 01-18-2009
Posts 480
Stafford England


18 posted 05-28-2009 04:42 AM       View Profile for Suncleaver   Email Suncleaver   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Suncleaver

Through Jaded Eyes

Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain,
The ruin kept for young of heart,
As wisdom makes its scorn so plain.

What solace will to us remain,
When aged do their doom impart?
Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain.

Salvation can we hope to gain,
By playing each tormented part?
As wisdom makes its scorn so plain.

Devotion's warmth can we retain,
Or will we bleed, and drift apart?
Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain.

The youthful plight of sorrow's stain,
Our bitter end, though sweet our start,
As wisdom makes its scorn so plain

Will apathy forever reign?
Our shallow lust our only art?
Through jaded eyes; in love there's pain,
As wisdom makes it's scorn so plain.

HAZARD
Junior Member
since 06-24-2009
Posts 40
ENGLAND


19 posted 06-26-2009 08:55 AM       View Profile for HAZARD   Email HAZARD   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for HAZARD

Please have a look at this one before I dare post it!
All the best - HAZARD


Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie

Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie,
When the briar scars the tongue and lips still crave,
Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies.

Broken promises taunt her galvanic cries.
Stricken hearts go early to winters grave.
Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie.

Warm summer rain mingles in teary eyes,
Trust misers doubt, penned love to enslave,
Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies.

Pockets rifled, red-gold killed his alibies,
Unforgiven Ė lust outshone the barley wave.
Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie.

Dark passions wrench out embittered sighs,
Tender moments spill from diaries saved,
Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies.

Burn all that reminds of betraying ties,
Molten, shapeless, scattered in smoke they rave,
Romance stings bitterly when kisses lie,
Gentle letters float to ash amidst the fireflies.

[This message has been edited by HAZARD (06-26-2009 09:48 AM).]

Balladeer
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20 posted 06-26-2009 09:19 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Suncleaver, I must offer my apologies. Your entry was posted at a time I was involved with medical challenges and I missed it completely. Needless to say, it is perfect from the rhyme to the flow to the syllable count to the content...an excellent piece of work.

HAZARD, thank you for your submission. I will give it time later on in the day when work is finished. I must warn you that I am referred to as an ogre in here. Proceed at your own risk!
HAZARD
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since 06-24-2009
Posts 40
ENGLAND


21 posted 06-26-2009 09:43 AM       View Profile for HAZARD   Email HAZARD   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for HAZARD

awww - I'm as ready as Odysseus was for the Cyclops -

Seriously though - appreciate your time - please do make suggestions as I want this to work hard.

H
Balladeer
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22 posted 06-26-2009 12:42 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ok, then, HAZARD...

In the first place, the rhyme of your two main lines is not a good rhyme. When you have a multi-syllable word you want to rhyme with, the position of the accented syllable is exact. Your multi-syllable word is fireflies. The accent is on the first syllable...FIREflies..therefore the rhyme on the corresponding line must also be on the second to the last syllable, which it is not. Sorry if that sounds complicated. Let me explain it another way,,

carry - marry -> here are two two syllable words with the accent on the first syllable...CARry and MARry. Good rhyme.
carry - marie -> here is a word with the accent on the first syllable but the second word has the accent on the last syllable ...CARry and maRIE. Bad rhyme.
How you manipulate the accent is important. Widow and window is a bad rhyme all because of the accent placement.

Moving on, the construction on a villanelle needs to be fairly exact to maintain the flow of the lines. The three lines of your first stanza begin with a (1) trochee, (2) anapest and (3) trochee. Now, if you were to follow that construction throughout the poem, that would be fine but, unfortunately, you don't. The middle line of your second stanza begins with a trochee, middle line of the third stanza is iambic, the fourth is trochaic, along woth the fifth and sixth. So, in your middle lines, you have anapestic, trochaic, iambic, trochaic, trochaic and trochaic. The first lines of each stanza are trochaic, trochaic, iambic, trochaic, trochaic, trochaic.

So you can see that you are not that far off! The variance, however, hurts the flow of the poem and creates a choppiness in the lines.

Then we have the syllable counts, very important in villanelles. With regards to your two important lines, the ones that get repeated, you have 10 syllables in the first and 12 in the other. Unacceptable, I'm afraid. In the middle lines the syllable counts are as follows -> ..11-10-9-11-10-10. All of these things together hurt the quality of the poem. If you will look at Suncleaver's poem, you will find the exact number of syllables in every line and you will see every line begin iambic and every carry the iambic throughout the line. You will clearly see how easy it is to read and how perfectly the lines flow. THAT is what one tries to achieve.

As I said, you are not that far off. With a little tweaking, you could get the syllable counts right and even the iambs, trochees and anapests straightened out. With the unacceptable rhyme of lie and fireflies, though, I don't think it would be worth the effort. I would really like for you to try again and incorporate these thoughts. That you are talented is obvious after reading your posts in the Open forum. Structure can give anybody fits...ask Alison!

Thanks for submitting it and giving it a try. I look forward to your next attempt!

HAZARD
Junior Member
since 06-24-2009
Posts 40
ENGLAND


23 posted 06-27-2009 05:58 AM       View Profile for HAZARD   Email HAZARD   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for HAZARD

Well, you certainly know your poetic metre better than me!
I will first of all look up some of the terms - then  I'll use this one as a cadaver to dissect - once i know how the blood flows - I'll build a new creature - as reanimation is bound to go horribly wrong!

Many thanks for your accurate and empirical descriptions - whether I can do summin good is another story!

HAZARD
Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


24 posted 06-27-2009 09:37 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Sounds good, HAZARD. You sound like one determined to learn and that makes you tops in my book. If you look in the earlier topics in this forum you will see explanations and examples of all the terms I described. I look forward to you work!
 
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