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Passions in Poetry

Triplets to another level...

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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


25 posted 04-10-2009 10:34 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Please note.. My post above was subjectively edited by someone other than myself.  He also neglects to mention the previous game where he was categorically expunged...
Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 02-28-2008
Posts 1585
Oklahoma USA


26 posted 04-10-2009 11:42 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Well, that explains why I couldn't find that word in the dictionary. Uh, does this mean that someone is in deep trouble, Miss Nan?
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


27 posted 04-13-2009 03:11 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Canines with Artistic Desires

Doggone windows hide in winter dark;
faded nose smears making dirty glass.
Canines, eager, draw artistic marks,

showing grubby prints when winters pass.  
Doggy pictures lit in springtime sun
whisper,  “Clean the panes and draw the sash!”

Spraying Windex, watching smears undone,
leads to dripping streams that wash the grime,
offering view of vistas never won

Windows gleaming, sparkling, looking fine -
artsy dogs painting, nosing doggy slime.

---

Alison


[This message has been edited by Alison (04-14-2009 01:17 AM).]

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite
since 06-28-2005
Posts 2181
Oregon


28 posted 04-14-2009 01:09 PM       View Profile for Klassy Lassy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Klassy Lassy

G'morning.  I'm enjoying reading this page... Some marvelous poetry here, peoples!!! andI'm learning, too.     
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


29 posted 04-17-2009 07:40 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,
Cute picture, delivered with style.
Doc
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


30 posted 04-17-2009 06:30 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Alison, you are a sweetheart! The poem was right on technically and the subject matter amazing. You came up with a topic so unique it would not even be considered by others and you made a terrific poem out of it. THAT is what is called being a poet!
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


31 posted 04-18-2009 01:32 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Balladeer & Doc,

Thank you both.  I kind of tucked this one in here quietly as I was totally insecure about it.  Thank you for continuing to be supportive, for teaching me, and just for bolstering me up when I want to bury my words in the back yard.

xoxoxoxo
Alison
Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


32 posted 04-18-2009 07:10 AM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

I hope I'm not too late to join the fun. Here's a rework of an older piece (originally in blank verse).


I shall go home now, where resentment
Has simmered long, where ancient rage
Ferments, where boiling discontentment

And toxic dudgeons brewed an age,
A slum where live some drunk curmudgeons
Intoxicated in their cage.

They wait, fomenting ancient dudgeons
In self-made dungeons in their soul
And dream of using as fresh gudgeons

Some pieces of my flesh, my jowl
To fish blood-thirsty red piranhas
And leave my carcass on a shoal.

In hope it would attract iguanas
They’d leave me there, and find a bar
To drink and hire some young chicanas.

Of course this all seems too bizzare;
They sure will let me eat a gyro,
Perhaps I’ve written mere canard.

.......................

I shall go home now, my ground zero
Where all my faults remain enshrined
Where I shall never be a hero,

Where to my success all were blind.
But now, that I be dregs or scum
To them it is now froth. Resigned,

I’ll go and meet my dad and mum
Who’ve known what I’d look like when I
Would bald and lose my teeth, a bum

Worn by decay. For when I die
(As tumors in my throat foretell)
They’ll be the only ones who’ll cry.

I shall go home so I can tell
Them I’ll still love them when in hell.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


33 posted 04-18-2009 11:56 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Marc, I'd say you've given a new definition to the word "unique". You have some great lines and incredible rhymes in this one, plus, id you were to recite it out loud, it wouldn't sound like a structured rhyme poem at all. An amazing piece of work, sir
Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


34 posted 04-19-2009 02:44 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Balladeer, thanks for the nice comments. Though the rhymes and meter seem fine, I'm still not satisfied with it. I've reworked it today, now in iambic pentameter and rhyming aab ccb dde ffe etc. I wanted to post it in CA, but that forum seems to be gone, can't find it...

Have a marvelous day!

Mark
Amberzlynnc
Member
since 08-24-2010
Posts 227
New Jersey


35 posted 09-27-2010 04:39 PM       View Profile for Amberzlynnc   Email Amberzlynnc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Amberzlynnc's Home Page   View IP for Amberzlynnc

You portray the illusion you're flawless
As you try very hard to mislead me.
I have standards for men, I'm not lawless.

So-called "facts" that you tell me are stories.
They've been derived from your dishonest mind.
I require a man with TRUE glories.

Why don't you speak what is true and unwind,
Before my tolerance for you is gone.
My advice- wise up or get left behind.

*Amber

Amberzlynnc
Member
since 08-24-2010
Posts 227
New Jersey


36 posted 09-27-2010 05:01 PM       View Profile for Amberzlynnc   Email Amberzlynnc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Amberzlynnc's Home Page   View IP for Amberzlynnc

Oops! I forgot there has to be a couplet at the end:

You portray the illusion you're flawless
As you try very hard to mislead me.
I have standards for men, I'm not lawless.

So-called "facts" that you tell me are stories.
They've been derived from your dishonest mind.
I require a man with TRUE glories.

Why don't you speak what is true and unwind
Before my tolerance for you is gone.
My advice- wise up or get left behind.

This is your one and only second chance
To show a crucially honest romance.

*Amber

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


37 posted 09-27-2010 07:05 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

A little work to do here, Amber.

stories and glories do not rhyme with "me"

The couplet must rhyme with the preceding middle line of the tercet.

There must be a consistent meter.

I'm afraid you fall short in each of these points. I do applaud the attempt, though. Many people do not even mess with this form - it can be tricky. You have a beginning. Now let's see what you can do to whip it into shape
 
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