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Passions in Poetry

An exercise

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Alison
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25 posted 03-16-2009 04:08 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Sue,

Thank you for the encouragemnt.  I keep thinking this meter stuff will click, but so far, I just put my feet in my mouth.

grins..

xoxoxo
A
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26 posted 03-16-2009 08:17 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

  Alison, I hope I truly am encouraging. You are a wonderful poet, and do so well on all the challenges. And Balladeer is one of the best, and most patient teachers, I know. Believe me, I know. No matter how bad I do, he still continues to encourage me to keep trying. Whether he thinks I'll ever get it or not. LOL! He doesn't let me know. He is the BEST! Maybe, if my time will allow me (a heavy work schedule), I will join you with this after all. But, that darn meter is so hard. I have faith in you.
Alison
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27 posted 03-16-2009 10:52 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thanks, darlin'.  We can muddle through this together.

A
Oklahoma Rose
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28 posted 03-16-2009 10:04 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Dear Balladeer, teacher sir, couldn't you have made it just a little bit easier? Ummm, you know how much trouble I have with those meters. Couldn't you have just said male and famale rhymes? I'm stressing now. Do you know how long I have been trying to get this meter thing?
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29 posted 03-16-2009 10:31 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

His fingers tremble, hands cuffed to the wall....................................................10............u-a-u-a-u-a-u-a-u-a
Once vivid eyes fade to watery blue................................................................10............u-a-u-a-a-u-a-u-u-a
Eyes blurry, unshed tears still cannot fall........................................................10............u-a-u-u-a-a-u-a-u-a
Beseeching, he asks for family news...............................................................10............u-a-u-u-a-u-a-u-u-a
Betrayal so great, no telephone calls............................................................10............u-a-u-u-a-u-a-u-a-a
All he once had now gone, everything's new..................................................10............u-a-u-a-u-a-a-o-o-a

For his family spurns his apologies..................................................................11............u-u-a-u-u-a-u-u-a-u-a
They deny that emotions are churning..............................................................10............u-u-a-u-u-a-u-u-a-u
Dark invites pain from the memories...............................................................9.............a-u-a-a-u-u-a-u-a
Dreams are fueled by hopes which bring yearning.....................  ................9..............a-u-a-u-a-u-a-a-u
Molestation became his legacy........................................................................10.............a-u-a-u-u-a-u-a-u-a
Hells waiting for him, fires are burning............................................................9..............a-a-u-u-a-a-u-a-u

But he day dreams of warm, soft, sweet sun light.......................................10.............u-u-a-a-u-a-a-a-a-u
As morning casts its colors upon dawn.............................................................10.............u-a-u-a-u-a-u-a-u-a
He misses sunshine more than the moon light..................................................10.............u-a-u-a-u-a-u-u-a-u
And rays that sparkle dew drops on the lawn....................................................10.............u-a-u-a-u-a-u-a-u-a
For he lives in a cell that has no light.................................................................10.............u-u-a-u-u-a-u-a-u-a
His story is a cliché country song.....................................................................10.............u-a-u-u-u-u-a-a-u-a

Sorry...it still doesn't work. You are still using too many spondees (two stressed syllables together) and the syllable counts are off and the rhythm is not there... Spondees are in bold.The numbers to the right of the lines are the syllable counts. Next to them shows the phonetic construction of the line (u=unaccented syllable - a=accented syllable)

back to the drawing board. miss........                  
Alison
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30 posted 03-17-2009 12:48 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Okey Dokey.  I am sorry that I such a slow learner.  Thanks for not giving up on me.



Alison
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31 posted 03-17-2009 08:48 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Me thinks perhaps all work no play
has made the classroom less than fun
I understand it takes hard work
to get the "Deers" assignments done
but blarney it's St. Paddys' day
I brought green beer let's all have one

Yo Alison the bar is open
put down that pen and grab a bottle
you need a break from all that thinkin'
your mind's been goin' 'bout full throttle
hey barmaid keep the Guiness comin'
relax there "Ducks" and through it waddle

In order to complete a task
sometimes it's best to take a break
here have a nip out o' me flask
'tis guaranteed to cure the shakes
prescribed by wee folk should ye ask
a bit o' this is all she takes


Let's drink a toast to both the teachers
I'm runnin' out o' rhymes so "squidding"
to Balladeer and all his patience
providing we all do his bidding
and Nan who's still there on the sidelines
She"NAN"igans aside no kidding

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32 posted 03-17-2009 09:09 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well said, Irish moose!

Alison
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33 posted 03-17-2009 10:33 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

How did you know that I fretted over this all night?  I am notwearing Green today.  I am hoping for some of those pinches to bring roses to my cheeks!

Moose, a toast to Balladeer and Nan ~ and to you for bringing a smile to my face this early morning!


Hugs and prosterier pinches,
A
Oklahoma Rose
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34 posted 03-17-2009 09:59 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Alison, Balladeer never gives up on anyone. Not even me. If anyone gives up on me, it's me. I've yet to find something to write about. I'm trying! I don't want to let you down, like I did the Balladeer! Maybe he is a little upset with me, you think? I never did get the christmas challenge done. Oh how I hate being a let down. You think he will ever forgive me?
Alison
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35 posted 03-17-2009 11:56 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Hey, you won't let me down.  I don't think you let Balladeer down either.  He might get discouraged by the lack of participation - and my continuous backsliding in meter and stuff.  All we can do is do this for ourselves and do it at a pace that works for us.  Honestly, I want to quit right now.  But know what?  I need to do this for me.  I need to understand.  I might not write this way often, but I want to know that I am making the choice not to.  I don't want it to be because I can't.  Know what I mean?

Balladeer, thank you for helping me through this.

Alison
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36 posted 03-18-2009 07:39 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Well,, I am glad to hear that, Alison. Yes, I do know what you mean. Me, not ever wanting to give in to defeat, never gives up. I just can't always get things done at the time they are suppose to be done. And, I felt so bad, when I didn't get the Christmas assignment done. The meter thing is something I have been trying to get forever, it seems. And, Balladeer has always been there ready and willing to help me. But, with the kind of work I do, I haven't had a lot of time to do any fun things. I keep trying to tell them at work, that all work and no play doesn't let me have much of a life.

Hey, I just had a thought! Maybe I could get a note from the Balladeer to give to my boss stating that I have to have some play time. LOL!

Balladeer
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37 posted 03-18-2009 09:24 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Sue, I'll give you any note you need!

Ladies, don't ever worry about me giving up on you or anyone. Just the fact that you are here showing a desire to participate is enough for me to stick with you to the end. Things are easier for some than for others, just a fact of life but you aren't done until you give up. Don't give up on trying and I'll never give up on you....you're stuck with me!
Oklahoma Rose
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38 posted 03-18-2009 09:43 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

You're the BESTEST, Balladeer! Thank you for all your help.

Now, is this meter suppose to be 4 feet, or 5 feet?
Alison
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39 posted 03-21-2009 09:20 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Balladeer,

I think I got this cleaned up quite a bit.  I have counted syllables, looked up stresses, and worked on lines I thought were weak or cliche.  I am sure this is still in working form, but I am going to post it for your review.

Thanks for hanging in with me.

A

---

Old Man out of Tune


Gnarled fingers tremble, hands cuffed to the wall
Once vivid eyes now pale, watery blue
He realizes truth, no friends will call
Demeanor timid as he waits for news
A shroud of silence casts its death-like pall
Remorse has settled as his panic brews

His children’s trust destroyed with deepened fractures
Denying bruised emotions constant churning
In web of darkness, old memories captured
Nocturnal dreams ensnared; they’re born from yearning
A minuscule respite, their minds enraptured
Then morning offers heartache’s painful burning

His dreams are kisses drifting by sun light
As morning casts its colors over dawn
He misses sunshine more than bright moon light
And rays that sparkle dew drops on the lawn
Residing within cells that have no light
Remembers love received - forever gone

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (03-22-2009 06:54 AM).]

Alison
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40 posted 03-22-2009 06:56 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Mr. Balladeer,

I wanted this to show on the dailies so you have a better chance of seeing there's been an addition to the thread.

Thank you,

Me
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41 posted 03-22-2009 09:13 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like for you to gather 'round and see what desire, determination and perserverance can accomplish.

Alison, this is wonderful work. Your meter and rhythm is axcellent as is every part of the construction of this poem. I am beyond pleased. I know it was hard for you to grasp at times but you kept at it and have created an excellent piece of work. I'm sure you can see the difference between your first draft and this one....night and day.

Forget the gold star....platinum is in order!
Alison
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42 posted 03-22-2009 09:46 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

:Alison does the yippe happy dance:

Thank you for teaching me.  I know I'll keep back-sliding and going forward, but I think I am slowly grasping this.

Alison
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43 posted 03-22-2009 09:50 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

I'm impressed.
Alison
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44 posted 03-23-2009 12:39 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Thank you.  I wouldn't be progressing without Balladeer.

A
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45 posted 03-23-2009 04:32 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

I'm impressed too Alison.  Handling different types of rhyme is something I find hard.  
Dr.Moose1
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46 posted 03-23-2009 05:37 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Alison,
You are to be commended for both your efforts and the results. With all my clowning around I try to make this look easy, but alot of times it is not. I've probably been at this for 15 years or so now
and I've had the advantage of being born with four feet ( as a moose that makes the toe tapping a little easier ). Excellent job.
Doc
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47 posted 03-23-2009 09:57 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Wow! Congardulations Alison! I knew you would get it!

I'm still working on mine. But, won't be near as good as you.
Alison
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48 posted 03-24-2009 01:21 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

MB, Doc. and Sue,

Thank you all for the kind words.  This poem was a challenge for me on many levels - and I wanted to do it right.  I want to learn and I learn from all of you.

Thank you again,
A
 
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