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Passions in Poetry

Tanka You very much!

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Balladeer
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0 posted 08-19-2008 11:54 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


Tanka time,lads and lassies!

The Japanese tanka is very precise. It is a poem depicting some deep though or message, comprised of five lines containing 31 syllables, arranged as 5-7-5-7-7.

Fortunately, the American tanka is less strict, still using 5 lines but the syllable counts can be more flexible and may contain less than 31 syllables. The important thing, though, is that a deep thought or message still must be displayed. An example..?

Halloween--
             Infant Batman
             in my arms
             barely aware of this world
             that needs saving

                     ~by Laura Maffei

So tanka me already!!!!!
JenniferMaxwell
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1 posted 08-20-2008 06:25 AM       View Profile for JenniferMaxwell   Email JenniferMaxwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JenniferMaxwell

Excellent choice, Balladeer - no meter, no feet to worry about.  

moonlight rimes
the abandoned beach
where once we loved
a harbor bell
tolls despondency

Sunshine
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2 posted 08-20-2008 09:58 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


div>
JenniferMaxwell
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3 posted 08-20-2008 10:31 AM       View Profile for JenniferMaxwell   Email JenniferMaxwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JenniferMaxwell


That's simply gorgeous, Sunshine, and your pivot line, sheer perfection!

Alison
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4 posted 08-20-2008 11:12 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Ladies,

My day has begun with the beauty of your poems.  I'll be driving to work muttering word combinations and, once again, people will stare and marvel at my insanity.

Yep, another commute, another poetic thought is born.

xoxoxo
A
Balladeer
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5 posted 08-20-2008 07:23 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Jenn, that is a very touching piece, creating a sad, melancholy mood that perfectly fits your wording.

Sunshine, what can I say? That's a magnificent presentation in all ways...beautiful.
Sunshine
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6 posted 08-21-2008 04:13 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I did have a question on Tankas, and for that fact, Haiku and Senryu as well. I seem to have a problem leaving out commas, as I believe they help administer to the tone of the piece. But I rarely see commas in others' works. Am I doing this wrong?
Dr.Moose1
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7 posted 08-21-2008 07:46 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Appreciation
at times takes different forms
(one being humor)
expressing ones' gratitude
in an edgier manner.
Balladeer
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8 posted 08-21-2008 11:06 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Sunshine, commas are very rarely used in either haikus or tankas. In fact, I've never seen one. Yes, you do have a fixation with them because you want the reader to hesitate where you want them to, but it's normally unnecessary. As it states in the definition...Usually, each line consists of one image or idea; unlike English poetry, one does not seek to "wrap" lines in tanka, though in the best tanka the five lines often flow seamlessly into one thought.

In the tanka you presented here, the commas really don't need to be there. Get over being commatose!!!

Moose...a good tanka with a good message. Nicely presented..
Marge Tindal
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9 posted 08-22-2008 12:57 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal


I came in to enjoy the classwork~
Indeed all of the Tankas are lovely~

Karilea~
That is just real purtimous~

Bal~
You definitely got my giggle-schmiggle going with your 'commatose'

*________________________________________*

Life, with each breath drawn
Gifted from my Lord above
Wounded, not broken
Seemingly more precious now
I give thanks for the gifting~

*________________________________________*


  Hello classmates~
  It has been awhile since I've attended class,
  but I found some poetic chalk for this assignment~
  I have been following the progress here,
  and wish to give a hand of to you all~
  Also want to extend a to the teacher~
  I hope to return and get Doc Moose to clean erasers~
  Now where is the way to the playground?
  I've got a merry-go-round calling me~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -               noles1@totcon.com

Sunshine
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10 posted 08-22-2008 10:00 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

No Commas.



White Snow

Slender tracks in snow
white hare listening in pause
hawk wings silently
sun hovers hidden this morn
death comes swift in sound of scree

Balladeer
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11 posted 08-22-2008 10:18 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

No commas but you do have a pause in there!

This is great, Sunshine. After getting the full meaning of the piece, it struck hard, almost like viewing the painting of Guernica.

Of course, to get the full meaning, I confess I had to look up the word scree, which led me to work up the word detritus, which completed painting the picture you describe. Thank you for enriching my vocabulary.
Balladeer
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12 posted 08-22-2008 10:24 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Marge....about time you got back to class!!! We haven't had a clean eraser since you left!

and, of course, you come back in style with an excellent tanka. Good to see you once again. Now stop all that health business and stick around!

Alison
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13 posted 08-22-2008 11:17 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Yay!

Marge is comin' back and I won't have to clean erasers this time.  Ha to Moose!

A
Alison
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14 posted 08-22-2008 11:23 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

bitter scent of fall


sharp serrated air
breathes under cloudless blue sky
decomposition
of leaves and ripe cranberries
creates an acrid perfume.

---

Alison
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15 posted 08-22-2008 11:55 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Although hard to find in any dictionary, the word "scree" was also meant to be used as the sound the hawk makes. But you'd probably have to live in the midwest to hear it.
Alison
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16 posted 08-22-2008 01:00 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Balladeer,

You look really nice in that dress that you wore to reply to Marge's Tanka, but I think the hairdo is a bit severe for you.  You are pretty in pink though!



A
Dr.Moose1
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17 posted 08-23-2008 10:59 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Hey, how come I gots to clean erasers again?
That ain't fair Marge, but it will be a pleasure to see you again on the playground.
Doc
Alison
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18 posted 08-23-2008 11:21 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

ididtheeraserslasttime!
Marc-Andre
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19 posted 12-23-2008 12:33 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Pink cherry blossoms,
When beauty of spring arrives,
And the firm bosoms
Of misses and of young wives:
Carpe diem, they won’t last.
ken206573
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20 posted 12-29-2008 05:28 PM       View Profile for ken206573   Email ken206573   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ken206573

during the rainstorm

raining in winter
clashing of thunder, lightening
wind howls until dawn
my heart beats in silent
waiting for you to come home
i hope its fine with you Balladeer

Oklahoma Rose
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21 posted 12-30-2008 04:15 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Hiya Balladeer! Here is my attempt at a tanka.

Remembering you
And the warm tender embrace
Causes a flutter
Deep within my waiting heart
Wanting even more from you



Balladeer
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22 posted 12-30-2008 11:57 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Not bad, Marc!!

The only nitpick I have is that line 5 throws me off with the three short feet together "ses and of"...but that's just me


Ken....

Nice effort! You paint a vivid picture with your lines.

Only nitpick is (yes, I have them   ) is that lightning is misspelled and the fourth line is missing a syllable. Otherwise, nice work.


Rose..

No nitpicks here!  Your tanka is perfection personified!  Easy to read, perfect syllable count...it is the complete package. good work!!!

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (12-31-2008 12:02 AM).]

ken206573
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23 posted 01-15-2009 04:52 PM       View Profile for ken206573   Email ken206573   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ken206573

Moving

i'm a butterfly
on a long endless journey
nothing to my front
nor back, no past, no future
an destination unknown

hope this one is better

Balladeer
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24 posted 01-15-2009 05:22 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I like it, Ken! You followed the form perfectly and the poem has a certain sadness and even longing to it. Nice work!

Only nitpick is the first word in the last line. I assume you either mean "a" or "and" instead of "an"....probably a typo.
 
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