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Passions in Poetry

Tanka You very much!

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Claira
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since 05-11-2008
Posts 101
British but living in Thailand


25 posted 01-17-2009 02:17 AM       View Profile for Claira   Email Claira   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Claira

I did have another Tanka I was going to post but it was a bit grim (inspired by a Cambodian legend where a woman swam out to her drowned lover so she could join him) but came out as more of a suicide message, so here is a different attempt.

The net closes in
Frenzied fish search for escape
One leaps to freedom
The mesh is pulled full circle
As fishermen count their catch

[This message has been edited by Claira (01-17-2009 03:44 AM).]

Amberzlynnc
Member
since 08-24-2010
Posts 227
New Jersey


26 posted 09-27-2010 03:12 PM       View Profile for Amberzlynnc   Email Amberzlynnc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Amberzlynnc's Home Page   View IP for Amberzlynnc

Sweep me off my feet,
Send me into psychosis.
You have my permission.
Steal me from reality
Show me something wonderful.

*Amber

Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


27 posted 09-27-2010 06:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Amber, your syllable counts are 5-7-6-7-7, equalling 32 syllables, one too many. It seems to be in the third line.

Otherwise, it's good!!
Amberzlynnc
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since 08-24-2010
Posts 227
New Jersey


28 posted 09-28-2010 01:14 AM       View Profile for Amberzlynnc   Email Amberzlynnc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Amberzlynnc's Home Page   View IP for Amberzlynnc

OOPS!
It's supposed to be "you have permission" not "you have my permission"...
That was a typing error, probably because it sounded better in my mind with the "my" inserted.

Thanks for pointing that out, though.
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


29 posted 09-28-2010 07:51 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

A classroom of one
attending to past lessons
where once was great fun.
Are those footsteps in the hall,
must I go recall them all?

Alison and Rose!
Front and center, on your toes!
Drop and give me ten!
Hut, two, three, and present pen!
School's in session once again!

And so it's begun,
Amberzylnnc look what you've done!
The slumbering class
shall be awakened at last
yearning for learning and fun!

Marc Andre and Ken!
Where the hell have you two been!
In a class this small
must I monitor the hall
to see where you've been and when?

Balladeer's a sport,
Madame Sunshine please report.
I've tried to recruit
many who remain quite mute
so our roster's pretty short.

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (09-28-2010 10:06 AM).]

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


30 posted 09-28-2010 09:22 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Nice effort made, Moose
To start things up one more time
Some may need a goose
To coax a few words of rhyme
From those who had disappeared
Or felt they got Balladeered.

Alison was great
And seemed to enjoy the place
But now, as of late,
We don't see her pretty face.
Others, by the wayside, too
Now have disappeared from view.

One does what one can
Amber Lynn has come to play
I'm a happy man
That we live another day.
Doctor Moose, you're quite the lad
And your poetry ain't bad!
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


31 posted 09-29-2010 07:02 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Lol @ your poetic reply, is it just me or am I counting an extra line in your stanzas?5,7,5,7,7...7?
Doc
Balladeer
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32 posted 09-29-2010 08:11 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Moose, I will simply respond by saying what my father always told me...."Do as I say, not as I do." LOL!

Funny how the most obvious things are the easiest to go unnoticed. I am properly chastised and shall stand in  the corner for ten minutes after breakfast.

I tanka you very much
Cpat Hair
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since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


33 posted 09-29-2010 01:51 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Mayflies rise to mate
Driven by the warmth of sun
But trout too must eat
And so life’s cycle is run
Danger exists in our needs


:-)   do I pass teacher?

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (09-30-2010 07:37 AM).]

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


34 posted 09-29-2010 07:23 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Pass you do, Ron. You followed the structure with a good message..

BUT.........

Since I am a grouchy teacher who justifies his existence by finding oopsies, you need to  choose between "dangers exist" or "danger exists". "Danger exist" doesn't quite make it.

Nitpicky for an old codger, aren't I?
Cpat Hair
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35 posted 09-30-2010 07:38 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Hey! nothing in your challenge stated I must use correct spelling!!!
(chuckling)
I should know better.... but obviously didn't catch it on my own.

it is fixed sir...
Balladeer
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36 posted 09-30-2010 09:31 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Cpat Hair
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since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


37 posted 09-30-2010 09:56 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Now... Haiku...
  I seem to remember that Haiku were often linked with the idea of Zen...
with the final line often a sort of unanswerable riddle for the reader to contemplate...  
any truth to all that?
Balladeer
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38 posted 09-30-2010 11:54 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I;ll have to check but, from what I remember of haikus, the last line is supposed to contradict or show a contrast to the first two. Actually the first line represents a certain thing, the second either the emotion of the first or something else and the third a contrast to the two, or something like that? Am I clear enough????
Cpat Hair
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39 posted 09-30-2010 02:17 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Clear enough I need to research... what you say is familiar in a vague way, so I'll go read up on the form and refresh my grey matter...
flash
Member
since 11-28-2010
Posts 206
miami beach, florida


40 posted 12-06-2010 09:50 AM       View Profile for flash   Email flash   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for flash

Going Nowhere Fast!


life on the treadmill
listening to piped-in sounds
tackling programmed hills
running as fast as I can--
not moving forward an inch

  
  
flash
Member
since 11-28-2010
Posts 206
miami beach, florida


41 posted 12-06-2010 10:03 AM       View Profile for flash   Email flash   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for flash

my moms recent passing journeyed me back to when I would pretend  to be ill in order to skip school and stay in bed so mama could bring me her special chicken soup and kiss me and hold me and tuck me in..


feigning illness
I dip a thermometer
in hot water
oh mama tuck me under
hug me one more time





Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


42 posted 12-06-2010 12:36 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Welcome, flash! Always good to see another south Floridian here!

Your tankas are excellent. You show a great contrast in both of them and the second one is especially hard-hitting...very nice work.
flash
Member
since 11-28-2010
Posts 206
miami beach, florida


43 posted 12-06-2010 02:01 PM       View Profile for flash   Email flash   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for flash

Thanks, Balladeer for the warm welcome (nice and sunny & warm here today in miami Beach..and I'm sure the same in neighboring Ft Lauderdale! Glad you enjoyed my tanka..just returned from the beach--saw a cracked shellfish along the shore, meditated upon it, then wrote:


tumbled by the tides
this way & that
finally cracked open:
how soft we are
beyond our lobster shells


I also love haiku and senryu (been writing them for 3 months) and am wondering: is there a haiku category? Would love to share some! Thanks so much!

Al  
Balladeer
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44 posted 12-06-2010 04:12 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

flash, there was nothing sunny and warm this morning....52 when I left the house! WInd chill is supposed to be in the 20's tonight....comical, I'm sure to some of our northern friends, but cold to me, nonetheless.

Very nice  tanka. I see you have a natural flair for it. No, we don't have classifications here, outside of the open forum, which accepts all types of poetry and the prose forum, exclusively for prose. There are many admirers of the haiku/senru/tanks genre in the Open forum, however, and there's no doubt your work will be welcomed there.

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (12-06-2010 05:01 PM).]

s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
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since 10-26-2003
Posts 1029
Agat, Guam


45 posted 12-08-2010 06:48 PM       View Profile for s1nfully_1nn0c3nt   Email s1nfully_1nn0c3nt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit s1nfully_1nn0c3nt's Home Page   View IP for s1nfully_1nn0c3nt

calmness of the sea
signals tidal waves coming
mother nature's twist
a cruel joke she plays on us
retribution for our sins

Eh, my "attempt"

-Trina.

You'd be surprised by the pain I can imagine inflicting and receiving.

Balladeer
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46 posted 12-08-2010 07:49 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

You have the structure down right, Trina. I'm missing the cleverness, which I know you are capable of. Thrill me...
s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
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since 10-26-2003
Posts 1029
Agat, Guam


47 posted 12-09-2010 05:27 AM       View Profile for s1nfully_1nn0c3nt   Email s1nfully_1nn0c3nt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit s1nfully_1nn0c3nt's Home Page   View IP for s1nfully_1nn0c3nt

Ah, I thought so too. I'll have to think it over again. Perhaps I need a new subject?

-Trina.

You'd be surprised by the pain I can imagine inflicting and receiving.

Prats
Member
since 12-16-2010
Posts 74


48 posted 12-17-2010 07:19 AM       View Profile for Prats   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Prats

nice one...

Prats!!! :D
Heaven is not that place where you go when you die... it's that time in your life when you actually feel ALIVE!!!

 
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