»
Main Forums
»
Poetry Workshop
»
Ptarmagin Dactyl
| Poetry Workshop |
|
Ptarmagin Dactyl |
|
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
|
November ptarmigan quietly camouflage summertime coloring, dark to albescent. Protective adaption, attempt at concealment under a wintery moon candescent. --- Alison |
||
| © Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
What a lovely poem, Alison, such beautiful imagery! |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yep, it's a beautiful poem, Alison......BUT!  Starting off with November is a no-no. There is no other way to pronounce that word but no-VEM-ber, which is not dactylic. Beginning the second stanza with Protective has the same problem...pro-TEC-tive. UN-der a WIN-ter-y MOON can-DES-cent.........you're missing an second unaccented syllable between MOON and DES. The rest of the poem is magnificent! "quietly comouflage summertime coloring" is especially brilliant  |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Jennifer, Thank you so much. I enjoyed yours a lot too. Alison |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Balladeer, Ack! concealment and albescent don't work either! So I went back to the drawing (writing?) board. Here's the revised poem. Thank you for taking the time to help me out on this one. A ---- Ptarmigan Dactyl Boreal Ptarmigan, quietly camouflage summertime coloring - dark is whitening. Equinox alternates, cyclical changeover, smothering wintertime - white is darkening. --- Alison |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
OOPS!!! Afraid this version doesn't work,Alison. DARK is WHIT-en-ing AL-ter-A-tions WHITE is DARK-en-ing The drawing board is calling  |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I caught alteration - and think I need to look at your initial instructions again. I'll be back ... yep, like a bad penny, you can't get rid of me. A |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Is this right now? ----- Boreal Ptarmigan, quietly camouflage summertime coloring - whitening dark. Equinox alternates, cyclical changeover, smothering wintertime - darkening white. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
 Y A Y!!!!!!!!! |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
"Yay's" make me so happy!  |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
