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Passions in Poetry

Calling all lune-atics

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Balladeer
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0 posted 06-26-2008 07:30 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


Once upon a time, poet Robert Kelly decided that Americans needed their own version of the haiku...so he invented it (actually two). It is called the Lune. There are two versions of the lune. The first consists of three lines of  5 syllables, three syllable and five syllables.

Haberdasheries
have never
dashed habers for me.

The second consists of lines of three words, five words and three words - no restrictions on the amount of syllables.

Doctor Moose calls.
All the girls in town
Hide behind doors.

So get a little lunatical for me and come up with something in both versions that impresses with it's cleverness.

How much easier can it get, right?
Dr.Moose1
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1 posted 06-26-2008 08:39 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
I take it the beatings will continue until morale improves? Glad to hear it!
Doc
The Shadow in Blue
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2 posted 06-26-2008 09:04 PM       View Profile for The Shadow in Blue   Email The Shadow in Blue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit The Shadow in Blue's Home Page   View IP for The Shadow in Blue

The shadow is here
it appears
to learn from the deer

College next fall
for any and all Frosh
is stressfully refreshing



JNS

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."-WW

Alison
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3 posted 06-26-2008 10:17 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Yay!

Balladeer came back
with lessons.
Now, I am happy!
Balladeer
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4 posted 06-26-2008 10:29 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Doc, as my Dad used to say before the blow fell - "This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you" - nah, I didn't believe it, either.

shadow, good to see you...and I'm trying to understand the feeling of "stressfully refreshing"!

Alison..what makes you happy makes me happy
chopsticks
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5 posted 06-27-2008 07:34 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Early this morning
What a sight
By dawns early light


What sight did I see
So pleasing me
The first light of Friday

Is it ok to rhyme ?

I just realized the second one is  an inverted lune . I going to call it a West Virginia lune.

Is this better:

So pleasing me
Was what I did see
Early on Friday


Balladeer
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6 posted 06-27-2008 08:21 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Sure you can rhyme, chopsticks...but you can't give a line like "was what I did see", not even in West Virginia
chopsticks
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7 posted 06-27-2008 10:53 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Balladeer, I thought using my artistic license I could on occasions  ignore some minor requirements of

grammar; but I guess not on your watch.
Alison
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8 posted 06-27-2008 10:58 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

graeshine2006
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9 posted 06-27-2008 11:43 PM       View Profile for graeshine2006   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit graeshine2006's Home Page   View IP for graeshine2006

Lightning strikes scare me.
Why is there
fire in the air?
Fido stinks bad.
But the skunk won't forget
72 Maple Street.
Hmmmm.... can I use numbers?  

graeshine2006
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10 posted 06-27-2008 11:44 PM       View Profile for graeshine2006   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit graeshine2006's Home Page   View IP for graeshine2006

I put spaces in the above reply... sorry - not sure what happened.  Hope you can make it out.  There really is two Lunes there! :O
Balladeer
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11 posted 06-28-2008 12:03 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I see them both

In the first one, there are only four syllables in the third line.

Inthe second, yes, you can use numbers but the numbers are pronunced. se-ven-ty two.

Try again?
graeshine2006
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12 posted 06-28-2008 07:47 AM       View Profile for graeshine2006   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit graeshine2006's Home Page   View IP for graeshine2006

Fire is one syllable?  I will try again very soon!  thanks.
Balladeer
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13 posted 06-28-2008 11:41 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

LoL! Believe me, my friend, I'm with you! I don't even trust people that consider fire to be one syllable and have fought vigorously to defend it as a two-syllable word. There is a majority of the country not enlightened enough to see it that way, however, and insist it has only one syllable  so I have been forced to abandon my southern ways and accept it as such...but it's good to see at least someone agrees with me!
graeshine2006
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14 posted 06-28-2008 01:47 PM       View Profile for graeshine2006   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit graeshine2006's Home Page   View IP for graeshine2006

LOL... Good.  Glad I'm not going nuts... I hear two syllables in "fire", wouldn't it be pronounce "far" if it wasn't two syllables...     Anyway, here they are:

My children mirror
each other.
Reflections of love.


Please don't tell me there are not 3 syllables in reflections...haha.

Next:

The tree stands
tall, reaching for the sky,
fullfilling it's fate.

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (06-28-2008 03:25 PM).]

graeshine2006
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15 posted 06-28-2008 01:49 PM       View Profile for graeshine2006   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit graeshine2006's Home Page   View IP for graeshine2006

I am having terrible problems editing.  "Fates" should be "fate" - I tried to do a preview and it forwarded me on to submit.  So sorry - I will get this worked out!
Balladeer
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16 posted 06-28-2008 03:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ok, I edited it and both exercises are excellent. Not only do they adhere to the structure but both express wonderful thoughts. A big WELL DONE to you!
graeshine2006
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17 posted 06-28-2008 03:31 PM       View Profile for graeshine2006   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit graeshine2006's Home Page   View IP for graeshine2006

Hear that everyone... Balladeer game me a "well done."  I'm so happy, I'm doing the happy dance.... my first workshop... woot woot...   Thanks Balladeer!
Alison
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18 posted 06-28-2008 05:00 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Those "well dones" mean the world, don't they?  I hope you keep on in the workshops - they are really fun.  You outta go back to the beginning lessons too if you have time.  

So glad you are here with us and I loved your lunes.

A
graeshine2006
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19 posted 06-28-2008 06:05 PM       View Profile for graeshine2006   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit graeshine2006's Home Page   View IP for graeshine2006

Thanks Alison - I've been reading a few of your lessons - the one on color was GREAT!  I thought about trying, and might yet, but it sounds rather difficult.  I plan on being in here more.  Take care- deb
Dr.Moose1
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20 posted 07-07-2008 04:31 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Exceedingly brief
poetry
caused me too much grief.

oh so true
it's much worse than haiku
what to do?

I should end this lune
as its tune
may sound me a buffoon

that a harpoon
just might hit me soon
from lune lagoon
crosscountry83
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21 posted 08-12-2009 10:43 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

1.
A trip to the store
school supplies
a new beginning

2.
looking over schedules
trying to find classes
school starts now

Ahh! school starts in less than a week! ... and I'm finding it hard to get off PiP and get ON summer homework... *gulp*

Rileigh
Oklahoma Rose
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22 posted 08-13-2009 10:18 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Ok, Sir Balladeer! Here is my contribution to this assignment. Hope it is right.

Remembering you
Brings pain
Deep inside this heart


A gentle soul
Can sooth a broken heart
With kind words
rachaelfuchsberger
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23 posted 08-15-2009 09:48 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Ok, so one ties into the other, and here they are....

I miss you my love
Our spirits
Are neer far apart

My poetry, it always remembers
You touching me
With your softly calloused hands

Arana Darkwolf

Earth Angel
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24 posted 08-16-2009 12:57 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

First Lune-atic Version"

A filibuster  
Fills me up
'Til I am busting!


My second Lune-atic version is as follows:

Do not assume.
~ It makes an 'ass' of
u and me.


 
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