Calling all lune-atics - pipTalk Forums

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 06-26-2008 07:30 PM

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Once upon a time, poet Robert Kelly decided that Americans needed their own version of the haiku...so he invented it (actually two). It is called the Lune. There are two versions of the lune. The first consists of three lines of 5 syllables, three syllable and five syllables.

Haberdasheries
have never
dashed habers for me.

The second consists of lines of three words, five words and three words - no restrictions on the amount of syllables.

Doctor Moose calls.
All the girls in town
Hide behind doors.

So get a little lunatical for me and come up with something in both versions that impresses with it's cleverness.

How much easier can it get, right?

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
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Bewilderment , USA

1 posted 06-26-2008 08:39 PM

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Balladeer,
I take it the beatings will continue until morale improves? Glad to hear it!
Doc

The Shadow in Blue
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since 05-18-2006
Posts 450
EL, Michigan

2 posted 06-26-2008 09:04 PM

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The shadow is here
it appears
to learn from the deer

College next fall
for any and all Frosh
is stressfully refreshing

JNS

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."-WW

Alison

Member Elite
since 01-27-2008
Posts 4981
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 06-26-2008 10:17 PM

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Yay!

Balladeer came back
with lessons.
Now, I am happy!

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 06-26-2008 10:29 PM

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Doc, as my Dad used to say before the blow fell - "This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you" - nah, I didn't believe it, either.

shadow, good to see you...and I'm trying to understand the feeling of "stressfully refreshing"!

Alison..what makes you happy makes me happy

chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,

5 posted 06-27-2008 07:34 AM

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Early this morning
What a sight
By dawns early light

What sight did I see
So pleasing me
The first light of Friday

Is it ok to rhyme ?

I just realized the second one is an inverted lune . I going to call it a West Virginia lune.

Is this better:

So pleasing me
Was what I did see
Early on Friday

Balladeer
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6 posted 06-27-2008 08:21 AM

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Sure you can rhyme, chopsticks...but you can't give a line like "was what I did see", not even in West Virginia

chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,

7 posted 06-27-2008 10:53 AM

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Balladeer, I thought using my artistic license I could on occasions ignore some minor requirements of

grammar; but I guess not on your watch.

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
Posts 4981
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

8 posted 06-27-2008 10:58 AM

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I stuck mine over here

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum22/HTML/000934.html

graeshine2006
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since 06-03-2008
Posts 366
The Prairie Lands, USA

9 posted 06-27-2008 11:43 PM

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Lightning strikes scare me.
Why is there
fire in the air?
Fido stinks bad.
But the skunk won't forget
72 Maple Street.
Hmmmm.... can I use numbers?

graeshine2006
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since 06-03-2008
Posts 366
The Prairie Lands, USA

10 posted 06-27-2008 11:44 PM

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I put spaces in the above reply... sorry - not sure what happened. Hope you can make it out. There really is two Lunes there! :O

Balladeer
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11 posted 06-28-2008 12:03 AM

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I see them both

In the first one, there are only four syllables in the third line.

Inthe second, yes, you can use numbers but the numbers are pronunced. se-ven-ty two.

Try again?

graeshine2006
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since 06-03-2008
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The Prairie Lands, USA

12 posted 06-28-2008 07:47 AM

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Fire is one syllable? I will try again very soon! thanks.

Balladeer
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13 posted 06-28-2008 11:41 AM

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LoL! Believe me, my friend, I'm with you!

I don't even trust people that consider fire to be one syllable and have fought vigorously to defend it as a two-syllable word. There is a majority of the country not enlightened enough to see it that way, however, and insist it has only one syllable so I have been forced to abandon my southern ways and accept it as such...but it's good to see at least someone agrees with me!

graeshine2006
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since 06-03-2008
Posts 366
The Prairie Lands, USA

14 posted 06-28-2008 01:47 PM

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LOL... Good. Glad I'm not going nuts... I hear two syllables in "fire", wouldn't it be pronounce "far" if it wasn't two syllables...

Anyway, here they are:

My children mirror
each other.
Reflections of love.

Please don't tell me there are not 3 syllables in reflections...haha.

Next:

The tree stands
tall, reaching for the sky,
fullfilling it's fate.

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (06-28-2008 03:25 PM).]

graeshine2006
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since 06-03-2008
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The Prairie Lands, USA

15 posted 06-28-2008 01:49 PM

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I am having terrible problems editing. "Fates" should be "fate" - I tried to do a preview and it forwarded me on to submit. So sorry - I will get this worked out!

Balladeer
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16 posted 06-28-2008 03:28 PM

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Ok, I edited it and both exercises are excellent. Not only do they adhere to the structure but both express wonderful thoughts. A big WELL DONE to you!

graeshine2006
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since 06-03-2008
Posts 366
The Prairie Lands, USA

17 posted 06-28-2008 03:31 PM

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Hear that everyone... Balladeer game me a "well done." I'm so happy, I'm doing the happy dance.... my first workshop... woot woot...

Thanks Balladeer!

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
Posts 4981
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

18 posted 06-28-2008 05:00 PM

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Those "well dones" mean the world, don't they? I hope you keep on in the workshops - they are really fun. You outta go back to the beginning lessons too if you have time.

So glad you are here with us and I loved your lunes.

A

graeshine2006
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since 06-03-2008
Posts 366
The Prairie Lands, USA

19 posted 06-28-2008 06:05 PM

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Thanks Alison - I've been reading a few of your lessons - the one on color was GREAT! I thought about trying, and might yet, but it sounds rather difficult. I plan on being in here more. Take care- deb

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2770
Bewilderment , USA

20 posted 07-07-2008 04:31 PM

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Exceedingly brief
poetry
caused me too much grief.

oh so true
it's much worse than haiku
what to do?

I should end this lune
as its tune
may sound me a buffoon

that a harpoon
just might hit me soon
from lune lagoon

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 208
Trying to save myself

21 posted 08-12-2009 10:43 PM

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1.
A trip to the store
school supplies
a new beginning

2.
looking over schedules
trying to find classes
school starts now

Ahh! school starts in less than a week! ... and I'm finding it hard to get off PiP and get ON summer homework... *gulp*

Rileigh

Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
Posts 1210
Oklahoma USA

22 posted 08-13-2009 10:18 PM

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Ok, Sir Balladeer! Here is my contribution to this assignment. Hope it is right.

Remembering you
Brings pain
Deep inside this heart

A gentle soul
Can sooth a broken heart
With kind words

rachaelfuchsberger
Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 274
Las Vegas, NV, USA

23 posted 08-15-2009 09:48 PM

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Ok, so one ties into the other, and here they are....

I miss you my love
Our spirits
Are ne�er far apart

My poetry, it always remembers
You touching me
With your softly calloused hands

Arana Darkwolf

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
Posts 39120
Realms of Light

24 posted 08-16-2009 12:57 PM

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First Lune-atic Version"

A filibuster
Fills me up
'Til I am busting!

My second Lune-atic version is as follows:

Do not assume.
~ It makes an 'ass' of
�u� and �me�.

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