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Passions in Poetry

Calling all lune-atics

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Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


25 posted 08-16-2009 11:31 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, you guys and gals have been busy. You have all done well....almost.

Rose, your second line of the first one has only two syllables.

Rachel...no fudging, please. "My poetry, it..." is fudging.
rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 609
Leesburg, FL, USA


26 posted 08-17-2009 07:41 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Mental note..."it" is a fudge word.

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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27 posted 08-17-2009 08:13 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

yep...it's a fudge word when next to the object it represents. So are other words like "my brother, he comes tomorrow" or "the bird, she sings so sweet"

Fudging!!! (unless you're Speedy Gonzales!)
Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
Posts 1585
Oklahoma USA


28 posted 08-17-2009 11:35 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Ok Balladeer! I fixed it, I hope.

Remembering you
Causes pain
Deep inside this heart


A gentle soul
Can sooth a broken heart
With kind words
crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


29 posted 08-18-2009 12:42 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Re-posting because I think I got ignored.....

1.
A trip to the store
school supplies
a new beginning

2.
looking over schedules
trying to find classes
school starts now

Rileigh
Balladeer
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30 posted 08-18-2009 02:09 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Atta girl, Rose! Now it works..

Rileigh, #1 is good....#2 is not. Re-check it ,please
Titia Geertman
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since 05-07-2001
Posts 5297
Netherlands


31 posted 08-20-2009 08:50 PM       View Profile for Titia Geertman   Email Titia Geertman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Titia Geertman's Home Page   View IP for Titia Geertman

Ok, it's late, so I'll probably mess it up.

Lune 1

Even a Dutchie
is able
to count syllables


Lune 2

Sometimes love lingers
in sweet memories of happiness
fulfilling the heart




Like scattered leaves...my words will flow
Balladeer
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32 posted 08-20-2009 11:46 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

No mess up there, dutchie...you done good!
Titia Geertman
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since 05-07-2001
Posts 5297
Netherlands


33 posted 08-21-2009 05:11 PM       View Profile for Titia Geertman   Email Titia Geertman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Titia Geertman's Home Page   View IP for Titia Geertman

Ok, thanks Deer, I'll try to attend class more often, but I'm still very busy with the sheep inspections and all.

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Amberzlynnc
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since 08-24-2010
Posts 227
New Jersey


34 posted 09-20-2010 01:19 AM       View Profile for Amberzlynnc   Email Amberzlynnc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Amberzlynnc's Home Page   View IP for Amberzlynnc

I am all alone.
You are here,
but you're not with me.

*Amber

Balladeer
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35 posted 09-20-2010 09:18 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Very nice, Amber. The form  is exact and you made 15 syllables very thought-provoking. Nice work!
ken206573
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since 10-14-2008
Posts 475


36 posted 09-23-2010 05:29 PM       View Profile for ken206573   Email ken206573   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ken206573

These two poems are connected but in 2 different versions. I hope they are acceptable.
2 version
It's hot tonight
sun sets to the west
glancing back east

waiting half way
seeing if she would appear
good night luna

1 version
As the trumpet played
the moon hides
from the noisy horn

Luna daze beyond
darkness, clouds
to their star children

Balladeer
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37 posted 09-23-2010 06:18 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

More than acceptable, Ken. Excellent!....especially the first two, describing the sun setting, looking for the moon to appear and take over and then bidding her a good night.....very nice indeed. Thanks for sharing!
Bob K
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since 11-03-2007
Posts 3860


38 posted 09-24-2010 05:35 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K


     Variation on a theme, Mike:

For Mike Mack

If Robert Kelly
advised it,
maybe Ill try it.

The Japanese form
requires  one
find the deep image.

The American
form seems built
for the quarter mile;

not the brush heavy
with fresh ink
ready to spatter

a line of thick drops...
ellipses...
across rice paper

nor-epinephrine,
a massive
intravenous jolt


Balladeer
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39 posted 09-25-2010 12:41 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well done, Bob. Assuredly the American version is a poor variation of the Japanese form. I would guess the creator was just having a little fun with the variation instead of trying to compete with it,much as in the same way you are having fun putting it in it's place. You followed the assignment well. Nice work.
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


40 posted 09-25-2010 05:35 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Ameriku Lune

Sounds be amply heard
Hand oer heart
Of thee I shall sing

Stilted halted voters
Scratching heads losing their way
Indecision halting progress

2010 krj
25-Sept
Balladeer
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41 posted 09-25-2010 10:29 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Nicely done, Sunshine....and very true!
 
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